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What are some good tips and ideas to help get started on repairing the trust I broke with my husband when I cheated?

Tagged as: Cheating, Health, Marriage problems, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 July 2016) 7 Answers - (Newest, 1 August 2016)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I have cheated on my husband and I told him about it,

it broke him completely and he is just hanging on by a thread with what little piece of heart he has left.

He feels that our whole marriage of 2 years has been a lie because I broke that vow and I have to prove myself and I know that.

what are some good tips and ideas to help get started doing this to make him feel truly loved and wanted and not to doubt me. He needs to feel something and something quick what do I do?

View related questions: cheated on my husband

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2016):

Good luck .my wife told me I didn't pay attention for 2of our 25yrs so she started a year long thing,couldn't tell

Me ,my adopted son told me cuz she was Scared,can I just

Say most painful thing ever happened to me in life best.

Freind ever gone over sex,i got counci broke my heart,she swore never again biggest mistake she ever made so sorry,I kept her kissed her ass,year later back at it were divorced.good luck.not calling you a cheater but once you get away with it and how easy, you go

back

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A female reader, Ivyblue Australia + , writes (29 July 2016):

Ivyblue agony auntGive him WHATEVER it is he needs. Whether it is time, space, FULL DISCLOSURE to his questions, passwords and cut off ALL methods of communication with this OM. Acknowledge his hurt , listen and be accountable for your betrayal and never expect for him to JUST GET OVER IT in a time frame that suits you. That doesn't mean he should get away with treating you like shit either it is just that you have a fair amount to suck up in order to try and redeem yourself. Hope things turn out. Good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2016):

It won't be quick. Ask him what he would like you to do, book marriage counselling and if YOU have to work extra hours to pay for it then do it and tell your husband you are doing it because you want to show you're committed to repairing the damage you've done. Obviously you will need to prove you're not contacting the person you had an affair with - or anyone else. Ditch being on your phone or tablet or laptop or whatever. Sit down with your husband and ask him what can you do. I personally think anything over the top right now will just rub in how you weren't doing those things when you had an affair. It's got to be little steps, put him first, talk to him and ask him how his day was, suggest going out together...

Good luck, you've hopefully seen the errors you made and all you can do now is see if, over time, your husband can trust you again.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2016):

One little tip: Don't downplay the feelings you had for the affair/other man at the time you were cheating.

Because whatever that fling meant to you . . . doing right by your husband must have been less important to you than that. This is the simple math of the decisions you made.

But this advice won't work if you barely knew the other man when you started cheating. There is no sugar coating that.

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A male reader, Garbo United States + , writes (28 July 2016):

Garbo agony auntThere is no quick magic thing for you to do or say. This is long and be ready to answer questions for a very long time, some repetitive, some minutia, others micro...not at the same time but as bits, sprinkled within convo, apart from it. You are lucky he is willing to forgive you, and he will have personal break downs for a long time. I really feel for him, and how his nerves are shot. Poor guy.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (28 July 2016):

Honeypie agony auntMarriage counseling/couples counseling or even a "pre-marital counseling" session or 3 might do you both good.

There is no instant fix here.

Instead of asking us, ASK him what HE would want for you, HOW you can show that you IN TIME will be worth trusting again.

How to rebuild trust can vary from couple to couple.

Most of all be honest and sincere.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (27 July 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntNothing about this process is going to be quick believe me, once the trust has been broken it is a long process trying to put it back together again, a process where many people never make it to the end.

You told him the truth, so that was the best start. I think you need to be honest with him about why you cheated, be open about it so he can try and understand why you done it. You need to show him you love him, so write him a letter, tell him how much you love him in it, how much he means to you, cook him romantic dinners, take him out on dates. Take things slow on the intimate side and let him take lead of that. You just need to show him that you still care and you still want to make this marriage work. Tell him why it will never happen again. Communication is the important one here, so you both just need to be open and honest about how you are feeling.

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