A
female
age
30-35,
*sabella19
writes:Hi people.I've got this problem with this guy that I think we rushed too fast and he's that kind of guy who flirts a lot with girls and he's almost got more girl friends than male friends.Basically we're engaged after just three months but he gets those phone calls from people I'm pretty sure that are girls because the way he talks. He hides a lot from me and his friends tell me weird stuff that he's a "player" and he usually can't keep his hands on one girl but more girls.Our days start with a good morning and it just gets worse the whole day and then at the night I apologize for being jealous and it's like that every time. I used to love him but now I'm not sure anymore.His best friend is a girl and they joke around a lot and they used to be in a relationship a few years ago but it didn't work out. He really seems to like me but also he likes to be free.Also on phone, he usually uses his last name to everyone but not when it's to girls he speak with.I regret I lost my virginity to him and I'm stuck because I want to break up but I'm not sure if I should do it.
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best friend, engaged, flirt, jealous, lost my virginity, player Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 August 2011):
 Hugs to you because you are making a very very hard decision.
please do not be afraid to walk away and take care of yourself as needed.
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (9 August 2011):
 that sounds like a good thing. slow and steady is best coz being swept off your feet quickly can often land you in an unsafe/unsure place. and always judge a person by their actions - not their words. it worries me that you agreed to getting engaged to a man you do not know well enough. please read up about womanisers, get to know the signs so you can avoid ending up stuck in a relationship with them. coz once you are in there and hooked its very difficult to get out of it, as you are seeing now and also difficult to know what is truth and what is lies.
think about this - if a friend came to you asking the same question as you posted earlier on - what would you think? what would you say to her? judgement and reason can be impaired when we are the one in the situation and we are blinded and befuddled by love and attraction
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female
reader, isabella19 +, writes (9 August 2011):
isabella19 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for answering my question. I'm gonna tell him we should take it slow and maybe find out more about him and learn him better before doing any decisions.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (9 August 2011):
ok so at first he lied about the girl but then when you told him what she had told you he apologised? were they an item for a year? was she aware that it wasn't 'really a relationship'?? you really need to have someone who is a bit more impartial to tell you the truth, i can see why she might lie to you, and i can DEFINITELY see why he would! you need to get more involved with his friends and hopefully you will get to the bottom of all these questions you have.
this to me sounds like a mess. you are being told conflicting things but your boyfriend is good at the sad puppy dog eyes when you tell him he's busted. without knowing him i cannot really comment on him, you know, maybe he was once a player but now wants to change. like i said - you just need to keep your eyes and ears open and get some RELIABLE info about him from someone who knows him and that you can trust
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female
reader, isabella19 +, writes (9 August 2011):
isabella19 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe apologized after I told him the girl told me that he was with her a few years ago and said I shouldn't worry about things about that since it wasn't "really" a relationship.I've tried sitting down with him and told him I don't think it will work out and he almost breaks out in tears saying the only reason he feel like going out and being social is because of me and that he loves me more than anybody but it could be something he tells everyone even though he look so sad when I talk with him about it.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (9 August 2011):
hmm. his behaviour seems evasive (visiting the capital without telling you and then being shifty when you asked) and the girl who said they were together for a year (get this verified by someone you trust) there seem to have been a number of red flags here, and to me, getting engaged so quickly is one of them, i know that marriages can work out for some people when the courtship has been a whirlwind, but i think the successful ones are not the norm. i speak from experience when i tell you that when a man proposes marriage super quick like this, it is a bad thing, it is charming the man must not have thought things through properly before promising to commit to marriage. you didn't know each other properly. you are starting to get to know him better now and discovering aspects of him that you don't like/trust
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female
reader, isabella19 +, writes (9 August 2011):
isabella19 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry, forgot to answer the last question.It was sorta like that. I lost my virginity a month ago and he just suddenly asked if I wanted to marry him. I said I'd love that since I felt like I had known him forever.When I'm with him he pays attention to me but we keep getting interrupted. It's like he's just waiting for people to answer so he can end it. And every time we're going out with his friends I feel like he's ignoring me because I don't know his friends that good and I just sit there watching without saying a word because I don't feel invited. I feel like I'm a ghost.
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female
reader, isabella19 +, writes (9 August 2011):
isabella19 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's both, they said he can't keep his hands on one girl. He's been in a relationship with most of the girls from what I've heard and if I ask him stuff he hides it. Last Saturday was really awkward cause this girl kept walking behind him and in the cab she wanted to sit by him in the back and tried to push me away so she could walk with him and he didn't really pay any attention.So I asked if he had been with her and he said he never kissed, had sex or even considered having a relationship with her.But she brought up that a few years ago they was together for a year but broke up because they moved away from each other. So he basically lied to me about that.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (9 August 2011):
maybe you are hyper vigilant and hypersensitive because of your past experiences. ideally what you should have done is got help to build your shattered self confidence back up BEFORE embarking on a new relationship. maybe your BF is just friendly and you are mistaking this for something more sinister. there is a fine balance that can be very hard to find - don't be blind but also don't be paranoid. i suppose knowing him longer will give you the answers to your questions - one way or another.
out of interest, these friends of his who tell you he has been unfaithful to previous GFs and that he is a player - are they guy friends or are they his female friends, whom you say, have feelings for him??
and what is with the getting engaged so quick? whose idea was it? did it relate at all to you giving your virginity to him?
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female
reader, isabella19 +, writes (9 August 2011):
isabella19 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI knowww.... And it's weird, he just went to our capital town which is like 400 KM which is like 250 miles or so away and without telling me. I asked him where he went and he was like telling me I was too jealous and such. I think I'm gonna break up with him..Thanks for the answers.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 August 2011):
IF you don't trust him now and you are not having more good than bad times then you need to rethink this...
I can promise you if you go through with this marriage one day you will divorce him... you deserve a man you trust....
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female
reader, isabella19 +, writes (9 August 2011):
isabella19 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe hugs his female friends and joke around with them in a sorta pervy way. I've been thinking a lot if he cheats on me because my ex boyfriend cheated on me with two girls over five months. I could be overreacting.. He does call some of them "sweetie" and such and I can just see in his friend's eyes(the girls) that they got a crush on him.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (9 August 2011):
his friends could be lying or exaggerating, maybe the girls are just friends, maybe you are being over cautious OR it could be that he is exactly what you fear he is and what his friends accuse him of. you will need to keep your eyes well and truly open what he does, not just what he tells you.
loo0k out for secretiveness with phones and computer, look out for vagueness in his accounts of where he's being and what he's been doing and with whom. you would benefit from reading about the traits and behaviour of womanisers, learn to spot the red flags.
of course you will miss him if you break up, and my way to overcome this is to write down all his bad points and all the things that have made you not trust him. a few weeks or months of sadness is better than years of it, suspecting that you are being cheated on
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female
reader, isabella19 +, writes (8 August 2011):
isabella19 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not scared of being single. I'm scared that I'll miss him and every time I feel like calling him and break up.. he gets sad and says he would give me anything.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (8 August 2011):
IF you marry him you are gonna have an insecure life with him. if HIS friends are telling you he's a player, then you should listen to them. Don't stay with him just coz you lost your virginity. You know you have made a mistake by rushing into things but you do not have to continue the mistake.
get some help with your self esteem - you are untrusting of him, this may be because of his behaviour or it may be just your own lack of confidence telling you that he is hiding things and talking to girls. it says a lot about you that you rushed into this with him, no longer trust him and feel like you maybe don't even love him now but you would rather stick with this than call it a day. are you scared to be single?
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