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We've never met I'm in the US she's in France. Is there any point in continuing this?

Tagged as: Long distance<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 May 2019) 7 Answers - (Newest, 28 August 2019)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

So a couple months ago I noticed a beautiful woman followed me on Twitter. I followed her back and we started exchanging DM's on twitter.

Turns out she lives in France. I live in Nevada. But we did click. Our interests lined up in many ways (it's why she followed me) and it's effortless to talk to her. She's 25 and I'm 30.

Eventually I asked if she'd like to talk via FB Messenger sometime and she said she'd be glad too. She added me on Facebook and we then exchanged more texts via messenger (filled with happy emojis on her part) and I thought bringing up a phone call would be good. So we talked over a FB phone call a few days later for over an hour and it felt great.

Most recently I called her and we videochatted. She took me on a mini tour through Paris as she walked to work.

We continue to talk to each other on messenger and today we exchanged even more messages than usual and when I said I'd call her again later in the week she said "Okay! See you then! :)"

So...is it stupid for me to even think something could come of this? I'm not seeing anyone and she isn't either. I just don't know if I should even keep my hopes up. I've been taking things very slow of course, and plan to keep doing so. But I really do like her.

Anybody with a similar experience? Thank you for your thoughts!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2019):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you so much for your help! I decided to not keep my hopes up because like most of you said, the distance really is an issue. I've maintained contact and will propose a trip to see her at some point, but again, will keep my expectations in check.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2019):

Visit France off season in the winter.It is way cheaper even affordable.Meet her.Stay in a hotel.It will be the adventure of a lifetime.Eat in small cafe does not cost that much at all.There are ways to travel cheaply...Do your homework...go...have fun.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2019):

Well hope springs eternal and nothing can stand in the path of true love and all those cliches.... and who really knows... you could meet each other in real life and hit it off big time, fall for each other and end up together.... or meet and realise there is no physical chemistry... or you annoy the hell out of each other. But the big thing is, actually physically meeting. That has to happen to REALLY know.

I wouldn't want to say yay or nay, because you really never know. You haven't been talking for long, but maybe you could tentatively drop into one of your conversations about how you would love to visit Paris... and see what kind of response you get? The only way to find out is to meet each other, right? And then you may get a positive response about her flying out to visit you.. hopefully. Can you afford to visit Europe? Or can she afford to visit you? Or to meet "halfway" somewhere.

I have been in a situation like this, I got talking to someone online and we hit it off so well. But thousands of miles between us. We talked for hours and decided as soon as I could afford to, I would fly out to meet him, no mean feat as the flight would have been over 12 hours. But the funds I expected for the flight fell through, he didn't have the money to help me and it all fell apart over a couple of misunderstandings about me not contacting him as frequently as I did initially. But I was going through my own personal crap. I kind of regret the way it ended now, as it was on a bad note, but I guess it was not meant to be.

Sometimes we meet people in unusual ways. I was in a LDR a fair while back and we made it work. You have a major time zone difference, but heck, I say go for it and meet each other. But you need to talk about it. Good luck!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (29 May 2019):

Honeypie agony auntSome times the saying "It's a small World" is actually true, other times, it's just a NICE fantasy.

You don't know her, she doesn't know you. Sure... she follows you on social media, but let's face it... that is your PUBLIC facade. THAT is what she knows off. That isn't you. Or should I say the whole you. I mean can you REALLY convey your whole personality in 140 character in XX amount of "tweets"?

*hint* the answer is no.

So you share things in common. That's nice.

She is pretty. That's nice.

She enjoys talking to you and you to her. That's nice.

You two "clicked" - yeah... that isn't hard online and especially for someone who has "followed" you online.

Would you move to Paris? Do you speak French (trust me to live there... speaking the native language is pretty important especially in Paris).

Or do you think she would leave PARIS for ... Nevada?

Those are questions that you HAVE to ask yourself (maybe not THIS soon but it's something to consider at least).

Sorry if I seem jaded, but that was a little reality check.

It's nice to meet new people. It's a rush when there is some type of chemistry - be it physical or intellectually. Or both.

YOU DM'd her SOLELY because she was attractive. Right?

So you ALREADY click with her on a "visual" level. She could have been another "follower" who wasn't as attractive with the SAME kind of interests, but you wouldn't know... because you probably wouldn't reach out to someone you didn't find attractive.

You ask can anything come of this?

I say yes, but it's not likely. Unless you are able to spend time together IN PERSON and often, it will remain a sort of pen-pal thing with added bonus of video chats.

Let's say, that you ARE able to visit each other and get to know one another in person (and I don't mean in the biblical sense) what then? Who of you CAN move those 5,300 miles? And if you (or her ) did, what are the likelihood that you will actually work out full time? It's not hard getting along on short trips. Both would be on your best behavior.

LIKE FA mentions, WHILE you are busy entertaining this beautiful fantasy involving a pretty French girl... you are closed off to meeting someone NEAR you or CLOSER to you (location wise) who might be a MUCH better fit.

It's up to you. It IS easy to get up in a fantasy and feel like you are "living in the moment" with someone online, reality is... HUMANS need more than just words and video chats.

Sorry, to pee in your Cheerios.

Maybe just keep this as a friendship.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2019):

Hi - Nice romantic tale. Considering you are taking it slowly - maybe you could suggest a mini break or holiday where the two of you could meet up - either in France or Nevada or somewhere neutral in between if you like. It's going to be an expensive trip - but if you like each other you need to invest some time getting to know each other properly and seeing if there is any future between you.

Sometimes people like LDRs simply because of that fact - it's long distance and nothing more serious - I myself fall into that category. I tend to be interested in men who live far away or are somewhat unavailable - because it gives me space to breathe & I know they won't be on my doorstep every day.

But good luck - it sounds like you both get on well, so maybe a mini break could do the trick.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (28 May 2019):

N91 agony auntSomething could happen, of course. Just as easily as absolutely nothing could happen.

The question is how serious you both are about this, if you decide to commit to it then you need to think long term. Who is going to move to who? How long will it take? If it’s not for a while then how often can you visit each other? It’s easy to build a rapport online but if there’s going to be any real substance to a relationship there needs to be a physical side to it also.

If you feel optimistic then you need to bring these kind of questions up and discuss them honestly and openly. From there you can decide if there’s any long term potential. .

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (28 May 2019):

Fatherly Advice agony auntBeing a fan of word play I always get a kick out of people in online relationships saying that they "click". Because, well, that's all they will ever do, click.

Sure you share interests and friendship. It's a lovely thing. But it is taking your time and energy away from finding a relationship with a face to face future.

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