A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:We get on great but my boyfriend says he can't take time off this year (or last year) as he needs to work on his hobby car which he has completely stripped down and spent a few thousand on. All his spare time and money are dedicated to his hobby.He says he wants to live with me one day and have a future, but its been 3 years now. We live an hour from each other. I have given up asking for a commitment. He comes over at weekends and helps around the house but can't see why I get so frustrated and upset after 3 years that things haven't moved on.He's never been married and I am beginning to feel things will never change. I've tried talking to him and he says there is no rush.... We are both in our early 40's and my children have left home.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (1 September 2012):
What you have described is an inside-out, upside-down arrangement.... wherein HE is married to his car... and YOU are his hobby...
He isn't likely to want to change that... so you are in the unenviable position of having to decide if you must insist that he DIVORCE his car and take up with you. Unfortunately, the odds are stacked against you.....
good luck...
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (1 September 2012):
 Hi
A man who has hobbies is fine, but not one who prioritises them over you.
He has no reason to change, you still wait around, do things his way, so he has everything he needs in his life.No wonder he's never been married!
You do not have needs met, nor will you ever with him.Your child free, can do as you please,go where you want but your tying yourself to another commitment, who wants different things from life.
Is this how you imagined things would be now your children have gone?
Plan holidays with your friends, go for weekends away with them too, start a life that pleases you. If he won't commit and you want more, then you need to find somebody else I think
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 August 2012):
 It's not progressing because he does not wish it to progress.
He's happy the way it is...
I can't improve on what Ciar said.
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A
female
reader, cgrlygo +, writes (31 August 2012):
 I would say if things haven't moved on... then things aren't bound to change. He is using the car as an excuse.... there are plenty of couples in relationships who have hobbies and yet still manage to commit. But in all fairness you have to be honest with him as well... you have to tell him hey... either this goes forward or we need to end it ( only in a more poetic way) if he doesn't know how much things bother you then you cant really expect them to change. Ultimatums can often leave a bad taste in any ones mouth but I would say since you have spoken to him...with no results...in box me if you want to chat further.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (31 August 2012):
 You don't seem to be looking at the big picture here.
It isn't simply that he's dragging his heels. He has made his hobby, his car his priority. You have made him yours.
Even if he agreed to marry you tomorrow his priorities will not have changed. He will spend endless hours in the garage working on his car (there will always be improvements to make) while you'll be sitting in a dark living room watching tv by yourself.
I doubt that's the life you want, but it's the life I see you'll be living if you stay with him.
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