A
female
age
22-25,
jesusfish2003
writes:I just caught my husband who just cheated on me like 2 weeks ago in yet another lie about hiding his porn!! If you've read my last post you saw that my husband of not even 7 months yet, cheated on me (had an emotional affair and kissed his ex while I was at work... all the while I'm thinking he's hanging out with his buddy). But that's the second time he's met up with her and didn't tell me since we've been married. I had to find out everything from her and my own "detective work". I know he's bipolar, but to me that isn't an excuse for all of his lying, etc. Just 2 weeks ago he promised me for the third time (he's had 3 instances where they majorly crossed the line) that he would never talk to or see her again (and she lives 8 hours away, so i'd know if she was up here... i knew last time but she was supposed to be visiting her school and he promised he wouldn't see her), and I can tell that he's really trying with it and he hasn't... but apparently his lies are just continuing on. I need a little more advice now. Ever since I found out that they met up at our apartment and they kissed I've been soul-searching and trying to figure out if I want to work everything out. And my answer was yes, and I know (or knew) that he's trying his hardest too. But ever since then he's been looking at even more porn then he did before and saving a bunch of it on his computer. Of course I know about it/can see it because it's on our computer, but since everything that's been happening my self-esteem has been decresed to almost 0 and I'm getting very insecure about myself. I don't mean to, but right after being cheated on and promised that I'll only be given the world, he loves me so much and will do anything for me... this is kind of a hard blow. I'm told by a lot of guys that I'm really pretty, he's a very lucky guy to have such a loving/caring wife, and he's even said that! So why lie to me yet again?! So we talked about it last night and he said that he understands how I feel and that he's sorry and that he'd delete everything right away. Well, thanks to my handy-dandy spyware I can see that he didn't... he just put all of it into hidden files (I know more about computers then he thinks I do). So one question is, how long should I wait to tell him I know what he really did? I want to tonight, but a part of me wants to see if he gets even more and what he does. And another part is that I'm totally sick of all of the lies he's been giving me. I don't lie to him at all, and I've kept my vows... but I don't know how much more I can take. I want to stay because I love him with all of my heart (and from his reaction of when I left for a few days after being cheated on I could tell that he loves me... at least i think), but I don't want to be one of those weak women who stay to just get hurt all of the time and have to check on him 24/7. I want to at least feel like I'm respected, loved, not lied to all of the time by my husband! Is that really to much to ask? We're still very newlyweds, I guess I'm wondering if we're pretty much doomed or not.
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female
reader, Midge  + ♥, writes (31 July 2007):
 From what you have said, and the fact that you should still be in the "honeymoon period", it doesnt sound as if he has taken his vows seriously at all.
As far as I am concerned, him hiding files away isnt so much as a lie but a complete disregard for you and how you feel. If he promised to do it, then he should do it! I wouldnt waist any time telling him that you know what he has done and that its just not on! He has to be aware that you are not a woman to be triffled with and that if he isnt prepared to stick to his agreement, then there is no point in continuing the relatioship because he isnt respecting you!
I'm sure you will get quite a reaction to that! He will then know that you are not a silly little wife that is going to take it lying down, but also that you know he is being sneeky and that you are going to walk if he doesnt stop his behaviour!
Do it sooner, rather than later!
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