A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has been depressed for a month now. At first, he didn't know as he'd never experienced it but as I have, I started noticing it and told him. His relationship with his father is strained and his father has been putting immense pressure on him regarding his education and career. It's been tough for him - so tough that he has lost all hope and feels very put down and discouraged and hopeless. This situation has put a deep strain on our relationship of 2.5 years. We've been through hell together and stayed strong but this mental torture he's facing has him thinking that he can't handle a relationship for now, as he needs to focus on studies etc. Not a relationship with me, not with anyone. I've tried talking to him about it as our relationship never put a strain on his career but he says that the mental torture is so bad that he cannot risk hurting me over and over again and would like to be friends for now. He knows I want a relationship so he hesitantly agreed to being in a relationship although I understand that he cannot handle one right now, even though I didn't force him for one.We agreed on taking a break from the relationship, not a break to see other people but a break for him to help him deal with his mental problems and his family issues. He constantly told me he wants space, personal space. And I have agreed to it. But I'm falling apart.We have to see each other 4 days a week as we have the classes at college. I don't know how to act around him. Just as a friend. When he's with friends, he seems fine and laughs with them, putting on a cover to show he's fine but I know he's going through hell with his father. I don't know what to do. I've limited my contact with him but it's really tough on me because we spent a lot of time together and now I just feel lost. What do I do? How do I deal with this? With his space? I understand his situation but I feel broken. To top it off, I have no friends in my class. He has friends and he hangs out and plays sports with them. But then I sit and home and worry and cry. I have tried to talk to him about our relationship but in his mental state, he lashes out. And I know its his depression talking so I don't know what to make of it.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 February 2017):
 From reading your other post as well my advice is still the same, I think you need to cut contact for now. You cannot go from a relationship to being a friend, it does not work like that, not when there are feelings involved. You need to look after yourself as well. Has he been diagnosed with depression or is he just stressed over his dad? They are two very different things. Try and limit as much contact as you can at college and give him some space. Also don't sit at home crying, meet with friends, live your life!
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (6 February 2017):
 I feel sorry for you. Dealing with a depressed person in unenviable. If I were you I would treat it as if it were over. You can't help him, that is clear. He doesn't want your help and you may even be part of the problem. He isn't seeing things correctly so it isn't your fault but now you have to protect yourself.
He needs a health professional, that is clear.
You can be dragged down into the depression. It looks like that may have already started.
Get your life back and stop sacrificing yourself. You won't be thanked.
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