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We're second cousins, and my parents would freak if they knew we're in love!

Tagged as: Forbidden love, Long distance, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 July 2005) 82 Answers - (Newest, 18 April 2013)
A female , anonymous writes:

I have a boyfriend that lives 2 hours away for me. I have been with him for a year and almost three months, but we have a huge problem: we love each other but our parents don't want us to be together because we are second cousins.

My parents don't know that we are together, they don't even know that I talk to him. His parents know that we talk to each other. They even take him to go see me.

My dad and his mom are cousins but we fell in love with each other the moment we saw each other. At first we did not know that we were second cousins because we saw each other when I was 15 yrs. old.

Tell me what do I do cuz the moment my parents find out they are going to take me away from him and I don't know if I could be without him.

View related questions: cousin, fell in love

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2013):

It's a good feeling to know that I am not alone in this situation. Reading all these answers have made me feel so much better. My fiance and I are second cousins. Whenever we tell people this, it's always awkward at first but then they kind of get over it. We are both so lucky that both of our parents have accepted that we are together. We're planning our wedding and everyone in our family is excited. The only problem we're facing now is that we want to get married in the catholic church and we're afraid they won't marry us :(

My advice is that you follow your heart, you sound young so you may not be able to do it now but in time it will happen. Best wishes3

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2012):

We're on the same boat as yours..We've been together for 4 years now.I know we are cousins when we first kiss but then, I was looking for someone to lean on..And he's there for me.I thought we woudn't last like this, but still we are fighting for this relationship to last.Now, my boyfriend told me that we can marry even if we are six degree, and Im so happy about that.Our family dont know anything about us yet,but were planning to tell them soon as I got back to our country.Im just worry if our families knows about it.We have so close family, that we see each other almost every day..I really love miss him and I want to get marry with him and have a baby with the one I love..

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A female reader, charfel Philippines +, writes (8 June 2012):

I'm on the same situation. Me and my boyfriend been together for almost 14yrs now. From his side they already accept us but in my side it's really hard for them to accept us, in fact until now they don't want us to get married. They always tell me about having an abnormal baby if we really insist. But I'm truly in love with him and same way to me. We are planning to get married soon but the problem is my family...I really don't know if they will attend to wedding.. It's really hard for me but I'm trying to be strong for him. They even compared me to my cousin who got pregnant in a very young age(she is better than me)..they are telling that I am very stupid and fool being in love with my cousin. I am bearing a lot of bad side comments but I don't want to entertain them...it crashes my heart but still I will follow...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2012):

I'm in the same situation too. And I also wanted to hear advices from any different person. As I have read the comments, you guys said it's not illegal so how come parents gets mad when they know you're unlovely with your cousin? They didn't know it's not illegal? I'm confused O.o I want to get over with this.. answers please:)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2012):

I can really relate. I been in love with I guess as my parents say a "2nd/3rd cousin" but it never bothered me or my individual. because if so we're distant. They dont want us together but i coulndt see him not being in my life. hes amazing. and i wish they took the time out and realized that. over all i would still want to be with him. im not looking for no ones approval, but just to be happy to know that im happy. if my parent found out we was doing more then just hanging out. no telling how they will react. hopefully down the line they accept the fact that thats where my heart is at. wish luck to anyone thats in the same boat

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2012):

I would suggest getting the facts. According to a study in Iceland second cousins OR CLOSER actually give you the must babies. They don't produce the most grandchildren but they produce more than marrying a stranger would. They calculated kinship in a slightly different way. It was published by the prestigious AMERICAN ACADEMY of SCIENCE in SCIENCE. You can get the article from sciencemag.org for a few bucks. I sould suggest doing that. Your future is very important.

There is also an obscure web site nobabies.net which is not at all prestigious. It's just one person's thought and some references. But it's free and easy to get to. No substitute for the real reference of course.

All the best. Don't let anybody scold you or tell you there is anything wrong with your feelings.

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A female reader, hopelesslyhoping Philippines +, writes (10 January 2012):

I feel the same way. I'm only 15 and head-over-heals in love with my second cousin. It's so hard to deal with. He loves me back as much. It's just that he has a girlfriend. He's planning to break up with her to be with me, but we're like 2,000 miles apart. I saw him for the very first time last December and it was love at first sight. Please tell me how you're dealing with this.

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A female reader, jsun73 United States +, writes (25 November 2011):

i too have a similar story

I am 35 been married for 13 years. i have two boys whom are 13 and 8. Honestly at this age i dont want any more children. He has a daughter of his own .

So not a issue for us. My family and i went on summer vacation back home and i met a second cousin . whom i knew (of) but never met.

When we first met it was like ... Wow where have you been all my life... Seriously i never thought of him ever in "that" way... Both of us were blown away.

Maybe because we are both adults with different lives. And some how by chance we met. i think everyone has a path and everyone meets the people they are supposed to meet. and you take the relationship with them if you want ... friend , lover, what ever....

It's your choice. Pain though, a lot of that... Guilt i suppose. i'll never let him go because at the end of the day we will be there for each other .. no one else. So like many other's who suffer in any way because of love .... fight on .....

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2011):

I am 21 years old and have been with my second cousin for over 6 years now. At first we kept our relationship a secret but our parents caught on and gave us both lectures on why we should not to be together. They eventulley got over it and accepted us. We dont tell most people that we are second cousins to avoid awkwardness. We chose to continue seeng eachother because we just couldn't see ourselves with out each other. Our love is intense, it just feels so right and I dont want to ruin that. I have read a lot of science journals that says second cousin marriage has no negative effects on children bearing. That was a relief for me because I'm looking forward to making beautiful children with this girl. No rush for kids tho but I'm looking forward to having a family with her and growing old together. :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2011):

One thing I would really encourage you to do is to get the facts. There is an enormous prejudice against marrying cousins, as you know. But if you are thinking children, and if you are in love it is not to soon so consider where this is going, marrying a second cousin does not deserve the bad reaction it can draw. Here is a reference. [An Association Between Kinship And Fertility of Human Couples, Agnar Helgason, Snaebjoern Palsson, Daniel F. Guobjartsson, Pordur Kristjansson and Karl Stefanson, SCIENCE vol. 319 8 February 2008 page 813] They compared kinship of couples with the number of children they had and grandchildren. When you look at the graphs remember that "second cousin" is half way between "first cousin or closer" and "second cousin or closer." It will cost a few minutes of effort and a few dollars, but you can get the artilce from the American Assocaition for the Advancement of Science. To to sciencemag.org.

Best wishes.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2011):

I honestly don't know what to tell you to do..because I am going through the same thing with my 2nd cousin...I luv him with all my heart..and our parents know but they don't no we r kissing and hugging....they don't want us together ..they think it is wrong...I'm sorry your going through this..I know how hard it is

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2011):

Well I have the same prob too.. I have this second cousin who has a crush on me when we're still kids. and now that we are already grown ups, we realize that the feeling that we have for each other developed. at first i thought that the feeling was not like that until the day i told him my that i love him ever since the day we met and he also told me that he feels the same. since we're in the right age, we couldn't still figure out what to do if our parents would know about it, they'll go nuts! but whatever happens i'll do my very best to make the oldies understand that what we feel for each other is true. and pray to God to give us wisdom on the relationship that we are about to have :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011):

I Know how you all feel... I wish people would realize what is important in life, the thing we all live and die for -LOVE-

I met my 2nd cousin on facebook...our families have never really know or kept in contact with each other... We fell in love right away & it has been perfect for the pat 7 mo. until now, because of people joking around it has been starting to confuse & bother her & now I have no idea what will become of us.. I also have two children that have been calling her Mom since we met as well.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011):

A few months ago i hooked up with my second cousin, and i knew it was wrong but it still felt so terribly right. ive lived in another country for all my life, so we hadnt really met before... anyways, so then we both went away to college, but we still talked all the time, and so thru txts and calls and stuff we got to know each other. and we fell deeply in love. over christmas, my side of the family caught us. i had to go thru a lot of talks and crying and being frowned upon. but i believe in fighting for what you believe in, and i believe in love. so i faced my entire family, and he faced his. both of their reactions were terrible, but at the same time i feel like i really got to know my family more by the way they all reacted. i think in the end it all comes down to you and how you really feel towards him. if you really think he is the one, like i think my boyfriend is for me, then you will fight for that love. the only problem will be society's reaction, but so far i have met people who took it pretty lightly. if you are both really in love, i think you would regret not fighting for it. my family and his both still disapprove, and we havent told the rest of our friends or anything, but in the end, the people who really love you will just want you to be happy, and if he makes you happy, thats all that matters

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011):

i know exactly what everyone is going through. my boyfriends grandma and my grandma are cousins and his dad and my dad are cousins. i met him when i was 15 at a party and i thought he was so cute. well now i'm 18 and in may 2010 and i ran into him at a club and i was attracted to him. since that night we have been inserperable. it was him, his friend ethan and i that always use to hang out. we were bestfriends. they were the only guys, besides my dad and my grandpa, that i could rely on. well i tried hooking my him up with my bestfriend and i kept getting so mad. i was so jealous because i wasn't the one that he was cuddling with on the sofa. i was scared to admit it to. well she came down from new orleans one day and we all watched the saints game together. well i kept leaving and coming back and stuff because i was getting so mad at him. well on my way home i called ethan crying because i was so upset and he made me relize how i felt. he told me to do my hair and my makeup and everything. well when i got back to his house i pulled him into his room where nobody could see us and i kissed him and he told me that he's been waiting for me to do that. since that day we've been dating for almost 5 months and we love each other more than anything. as far as the family goes his family is in love with us being together. my family didn't like it at first. my mom threatened to kick me out of the house but they became okay with it just because they know that i'm gonna do it anyways wheather they like it or not because it makes me happy. to this day him and i are talking about getting married and having kids and living our lives together for the rest of our lives. if you want to know if you can have kids with your cousin, yes you can. people that have kids with their cousin have a little higher percent rate of our babies having birth defects than a couple that isn't realted at all. it's about 4-6% to where as a couple that isn't related is a 2-3%. one thing that they might have is a gene disease. i love my boyfriend more than anything and after a while you stop seeing them as your cousin and you see them as your boyfriend/girlfriend. take it from my experience, do what makes you happy and don't let anybody come between the person you love. trust me.

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A male reader, Nor3d3mption United States +, writes (10 August 2010):

Hi, I am 18 years old, in love with my 2nd cousin. She is turning 16. we are together but in secret. Both of our rents found out about us early on and had a talk with us. They pretty much said that they forbid us from seeing eachother..

BUT, we decided together, that that wouldn't be the right thing to do. I think about her constantly... She's perfect! i am so happy, i wouldn't want it any other way. It's not illegal in any way shape or form to date, have sex, or even have kids with your second cousin. Nowhere does it state otherwise not even the bible. If you are truly in love with them, then do not let anyone take that from you. EVER! u make your own life. Im taking my own actions in my situation, and i couldn't be happier with my relationship.

I've talked it over with a couple trustworthy friends and they all say go for it. My best friend actually stated that he wishes he had a cousin like mine who he could date :p.

Here's the deal though.. Im leaving to go into the airforce soon. I have 4 months left with her until i leave for boot camp. I will be gone for 2 months while she is starting up her junior year of high school. there is no doubt in my mind that i love her and i will stay with her no matter what. And the same goes for her.. its just i feel like im putting too much on her shoulders. I don't want to lose her, she's everything.

GOOD LUCK, and GOD BLESS

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010):

i am also in this prediciment..me n my 3rd cuzn have been flirting with the idea of beating for years now..i kno deep down she wants to but shes afraid of what might happen..i need some way to get thru to her..shes sitting right next to me and alls i can think about is taking her into the next room and scrumping with her...somebody please help me

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A female reader, AllisonLee United States +, writes (4 April 2010):

I also have this problem. Only my parents are aware of our being together and I've known him all of my life. Please keep me posted on what happens. (Mod note:personal information edited for the safety of this aunt.)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009):

I feel for thid person. I would love to marry my second cousin but my family including my kids would freak so would hers. But I have to admit I fantasize about her all the time. It's torture, I wonder if it's legal. I would be with her if she would. I wouldn't care what others said. I would be happy as long as she was.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009):

I have the same probs. I fell in love with my second cousin. He is lovely and i miss him so much, i live in another country. The day before i left his country, that night he kissed me and said he promises thAT HE WILL marry me one day after our studies, no matter what it takes. I am scared that my family would split up if they knew about it. His parents really love me and they consider me as their daughter, but i dont want them to. His parents are cousin married too. I only hav my dad and he loves me a lot, i don't wanna dissappoint him. I want to tell him about this when i am grown and i confirm with my 2nd cousin that he still loves me. I think of him all the time and he is the best. I want this website to assure that i hav written this leter and that after a few years i wont change my mind that i lov him so much!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2009):

I totally get where you are coming from. I met my second cousin when I was 14 I remember thinking he was so cute until my mom told me he was related to me. I never stopped liking him. Then this past summer at our family reunion I saw him and these feelings for him formed. I hadn't seen him in 3 years. We had our first kiss and even though it was wrong I loved it. He was everything to me. We started talking for like 2 months but he wanted me to find something better since we live in tx and there's no way to be together. I think about him all the time and wish I could really be his girlfriend but I know our familys will have a heart attack if they saw us together. I just wish we could be together

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009):

I totally get where you are coming from. I met my second cousin when I was 14 I remember thinking he was so cute until my mom told me he was related to me. I never stopped liking him. Then this past summer at our family reunion I saw him and these feelings for him formed. I hadn't seen him in 3 years. We had our first kiss and even though it was wrong I loved it. He was everything to me. We started talking for like 2 months but he wanted me to find something better since we live in tx and there's no way to be together. I think about him all the time and wish I could really be his girlfriend but I know our familys will have a heart attack if they saw us together. I just wish we could be together

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009):

I know were you are coming from,im in the same place as you belive it our not couldnt belive it when i read your story if you have sorted things out with your family could you let me know and tell me whats happend cause i know just what you are feeling big time xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009):

I know exactly how you feel. Both of our parents kinda knows about us (and I say kinda because they don't want to accept or hear about it), but I say go for it and tell them. If you guys love each other as much as you say you do it shouldn't matter what anybody thinks about you two.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008):

I hope every things as worked for you since this is so old.

I know what you are going thru I too was in the same situation 26 years ago. We didn't get to have as long as time as you have, it was very short but I still fell in love with my second cousin, we were crazy about each other. Our parents found out and had a fit, threatened us with many things at the time if we didn't stop seeing each other. We stopped (we were both early 20's) and for years our mothers would talked if one of us was going to a family thing the other couldn't go. I saw him one time years later (didn;t get to talk to him)just saw him and his wife at a family thing (can't remember what) and i was still told that i should leave. So after that i stayed away from that side of the family for decades. Even moved 400 miles away, had my own family now. But my father passed away a week ago and when i went back for the funeral, he came to it. It was the strangest feeling, when i saw him i felt like i did in 1982, but i never got the chance to talk to him then either. I had been told for so many years to stay away from him, i couldn't talk to him. But i wanted to. And now i'm back to my home 400 miles away. i just hope I will get the chance to see and talk to him again and not take another 20 years. After all this time it's very hard to just pick up the phone and call not knowing how he feels or what he thinks. All I know is that you can't just bury your feelings for someone you love like that. They don't go away they just resurface at a later date, to deal with all over again. Good luck to all how are in this situation, it's not easy if your families are pulling you apart. And it's not easy to be in love with someone for over 26 years, and there is nothing you can do about it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008):

Tell them that the Queen and Prince Phillip are cousins - so what is wrong with it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008):

me and my second cousin are kinda involved....but its a secret to...we seem to text eachother all the time and seem to want to do other things...we no eachother forever...but now things have changed...im not crazy...i just feel weird about it

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A female reader, sm2387 United States +, writes (8 September 2008):

I am also in this predicament. My 2nd cousin and I also like eachother. At first I was totally freaked out about the whole being attracted to him thing and so I HAD to google it to make sure it wasnt incest or anything. It wasnt so I calmed down. We started hanging out in June and havent stopped since. We both know eachother likes one another but the whole family issue is what stops everything. Who knows what will happen????? But reading these other posts kinda gives me hope. :]

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A male reader, Bunkersfan4 United States +, writes (20 August 2008):

so, you know I have the same problem. I just met this second cousin last year and it was love at first sight only now we keep it from the whole family. Some of her first cousins know about. I don't really think there's a problem in my opinion I blame it on my parents for not putting us together and playing since we were born(were the same age) its the parents who should be mad at themselves not them on us!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008):

really like my second cousin but shes got a bf n i think my mam would go mad because its her cousins daughter i dont no what to do coz i think i love her

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008):

Old already, I know, but I have to tell my story. i love my second cousin to death. I have loved her for 7 years and she has known for almost that long. She doesn't care. She won't even try to love me all because of being related. The pain is almost unbearable. I love her so much, more than anything, but it doesn't matter. if you love eachother, let nothing stand in the way. Love is the only thing that matters.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008):

i know this is years old.. but if u love them then fight for it. my and my husband are second cousins and we went through so much to be with eachother because, of course, our family wasnt happy about it. but now we are married and things are great

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008):

This is absolutely killing me...My first cousins daughter has turned 21 and I really hadnt seen in her in about 5 or 6 years. Even then I've only seen her a couple of times my whole life. She came back in town at 21 and my jaw dropped. To me she is the most beautiful woman that I have ever seen in my life. Im 9 years older and I usually dont like younger women but she got me! The second I saw her my heart started racing 110 miles per hour. I think about her constantly. I feel like there's something wrong with me for feeling this way but I cant help it and I have never told anyone. Our families are Italian-catholics and would probably dis-own both of us. I dont know how she feels but I can tell she flirts and I catch her looking at me once in quite a bit. I'm so close to just reverting back to the old saying,"you only live once" and going for it. But the consequences could be devastating. Especially if she's not on the same page. I do know that she's it for me. I know it. The bad thing is, is that I would be considered a very attractive guy. It's not like I need to go after her cause I cant get anyone else. I know everyone in my town and I am involved in my community fairly heavily. I feel like I would have to move if I took that shot. This sucks!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008):

Simply put, marriage between cousins is completely normal and in some parts of the world is prefered. 1 out every 1000 married couples in the US are at least third cousins and 4 out of every 1000 married couples in Japan are third cousins. Think of it this way. You live in a town with a population 7,000. If your family and your mate's family have lived in that town for at least 4 generation, you're probably related somehow. As long as you're not dallying your brother or half-brother, who gives a heck? Also, here's an interesting scientific FACT... third cousins are less likely to miscarry babies than those that aren't related.

Last thing. your first cousin's children are your second cousins and your parent's cousin's children are your third cousins.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008):

I'm in a similar situation. I love my 32 year old cousin's daughter which i didn't even know my 32 year old cousin was my cousin. Well me and my cousin's daughter love each other so much. We have been together for so long. She is 14 and i am 15 and my parents dont know about it. Well her parents kinda know about it and they shouldn't worry because theyre cousin's too and thats 1st cousins. We are 2nd cousins and my cousin's husband is my girlfriend's stepdad. i too need help to explain all this to my parents. Ive never loved a girl this much and i know she is the one.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008):

I know this is a quite old post, but everyone needs to know - there's nowhere in the world that bars a relationship or marriage with a second cousin! It's legal EVERYWHERE!

Just google 'cousin marriage' if you don't believe me!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008):

I feel your pain honey...I'm also falling for my second cousin and though I'm an adult, my parents will still freak when they find out. I'm in my early 30's and he's in his late 40's but we're falling in love with each other. We recently found out we were second cousin and it still doesn't change the way we feel about each other.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007):

"We're second cousins, and my parents would freak if they knew we're in love!"

Hey I understand. I have the same problem. I'm in love with my

dad's cousin's daughter too. I love her so much and I can't stop thinking about her. I know people think it's wrong, but I can't help it. I know she's the one for me

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007):

Im in love with my second cousin as well. I believe he feels the same way because he told me that there was something betwwen us and that i was the most beutiful girl he has ever seen. he also said that he knew we would be together someday. Then his girlfriend found out that he said this and started a fight with me. to make a long story short, we do not talk anymore. but i know that he is the one for me. so if u have the oppertunity to fight for it u should!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007):

I used to like my seconed cousin and i still do trust me if you really like him do whatever it takes

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007):

a second cousins is i think is when your cousin's has a son or dauther's and then that son or dauther has a son or dauther. and the rest goes on the same whey.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007):

i think that you should do what ever it takes to still be with him even if u are second causins...But are you guys really related....is there alot of blood that you guys share? idk i think u should still be with him. tell ur parents when u think that u are ready.

GOOD LUCK!

STACIE, 15

EXPERENCED

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007):

...........i know that this kind of problem is so hard 2 decide

i have d same situation

i love my 2nd cousin

fight 4 it....................

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007):

were d' same problem and i know what you feel right now........................

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2007):

how old are you now?

regardless of what either of your parents think, they should understand that this boy means the world to you, and if you haven't told them yet, how do you know how they are going to react. you may find that they already have an idea, and that they are just waiting for you to bring it up to discuss their feelings about it with you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007):

My parents are second cousins and I'm one of four kids. We all are 'normal'! Good luck with your relationship, but don't let this challenge over shadow whats really important - That you are both happy together.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007):

This might sound so bizarre because it doesn't really tie in. But how far does your blood-line go?

What about my cousin's second cousin?! Is that taboo?

(second cousin is the son/daughter of a parent's cousin, right?!)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007):

I am a normal 21 year old girl who doesn't have a problem getting or keeping a man. For some unknown reason I have fallen for my second cousin. I worked with this guy and he had a last name like some of my family members. We decided we weren't related (we had never seen each other at family reunions or anything of that sort), but we didn't do any research. He was with someone and I was with someone, so we would innocently flirt back and forth. I switched jobs and we lost touch. I saw him at the bar a year and a half later and we talked, laughed, and I went home with him. The next day we were talking and realized we really are related. I found out he is my second cousin. We are both trying to decide whether or not to pursue this relationship. It wasn't that the sex was great, there was a bond between us that was undeniable. That was the best night of my life. When I found out we were related, I felt sick. It felt so taboo, then I started reading the research on the internet about it and blogs of people in the same position as me and you. I wonder if second cousin marriage is as uncommon as we all assume? So, here I sit in the same boat as you, trying to decide what to do and how to tell our parents. Good luck to you and everyone else who is in the same predicament.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007):

Ya so I have the same issue!! Yesterday i meet my 2nd cousin for the second time ever! I am 15 and he is 18 We instantly started hanging out and were together all night. Then he brings me to his room and says it didnt matter we were related i mean we werent 1st cousins...I really like him so much and i can't stop thinking about him. If my parents or his ever found out we liked eachother they'd proabably kill us...best of luck i hope things work out for both of us

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007):

My second cousin was the secret love child of my Dad's cousin. He had never met anyone in our family until he attended his father's funeral. He was thinking of moving into my area and I guess someone gave him my number because he called me out of the blue to introduce himself. We were both around 32 at the time. We had a wonderful conversation and we started talking daily. About a month later, he visited me. We had an immediate attraction. Long story short, we ended up having sex that weekend.

I felt weird afterwards. Oddly enough, I wasn't as bothered by us having sex as I was at the thought of having a relationship with him. Sex was a intimate act between two people. Privately, in my mind, he could be just a guy I met and liked. However publicly, he would always be my second cousin and everyone would know it. I told him my feelings and decided I wouldn't see him or talk to him anymore. However, he wanted to pursue a relationship and continued to try to see me for quite a while. In his mind, since we hadn't known each other before we got together, we weren't really cousins and it didn't bother him to have a relationship with me. But I say blood is blood no matter how unfamiliar.

My advice is that anyone in such situations should decide to do what they can live with. No matter how much I liked my cousin, I couldn't live with seeing him. However, he had no problem with us being together.

It's a few years later and I only think of this now because he has contacted me again. I am struggling as to whether I will return his call. But my view towards him hasn't changed: I probably could sleep with him again if the attraction was still there but I still would never have a relationship with him.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007):

Yall need to end the relationship between the two of yall.It

is one thing to not know that yall are second cousins.However you must end the relationship and not mix up those genes.Young lady please give it time,and I am sure

you will find someone that looks hotter to you than your cousin.No more older than you are you have plenty of time.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007):

i have the same problom my boyfriend is my second cousin but i never get to see him he lives 5 hours away from me and my parents will freak if they knew my boyfriend was my cousin as a manter of a fact they dont even know i have a boyfriend so i know how you fell well see ya and good luck

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2007):

look i know how you feel i have a boyfriend but he is really my cousin but when i went back to washitan d.c i was gone for two years and when i finally came to see him he forgot that we were together but then when i kissed him he said what are you doing? i said to him remeber the girl that kissed you on the night she left and never came back in till know? he said REALLY! were is she i said im here. he was so enberessed he said to me forgive me ok i said but he told me we have to keep are love a secret and let no one konw that were together so im also worried if anyone knew that were together your like a sister cuz you have the same seceret as me and thanks for letting me share this with some one i know i can trust your now my contac sis so see ya sis

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007):

i think you and i have the same problem my dad now but my mom doesn't and if my mom find out she will break me and my boyfriend up but if i was you keep it on the low until you guys are over age because they will break you guys up.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2007):

Im in the exact same situation.Before I tell you I just want to consider you that I reaserched and this is what I found.1st cousins have about 1/8 chance to have the same genetics witch can be considered of how the baby might come out.2nd cousins have about 1/32 chances to have the same genetics and can maby be considered that the baby can come out fine unless you are cousins of both your mom and dad.3rd cousins have about 1/128 chances to have the same genetics and are on less danger to produce unhealthy offsprings on a baby.But we all have to consider that we are all humans and are related in some way. So we are all family in a way and even if two people that are nothing of family can have a risk on having an unhealthy baby.So baby girl if ya know you 2 were ment for each other than cant nothing stop you two.Sure it migh be complicated but no one has it easy in life you have to fight for it because if you know you made the right choises than in the end itll all be worth it.Please consider that:)Dont make the wrong choises so you can go on the wrong path make the right ones to happines.Love means sacrifise and if you know its worth it than you know what you have to do.You live life only once so live it well with someone thats gonna make your life happy.Your only 16 so you also have to consider that your parents might consider that to be too young for you to make the right choises.So wait till your 18 and till you get to that age show them that your ready for the real wrold.So it can be esier for them to understand that you know what your doing and what your doing is right so make them proud and figh for "YOUR"

happines.Its your life not theirs and all your parents want is for you to learn to make the righ desisions.Sure maby when you get older and leave with him your parents might freak out but time is the key and as time passes they'll understand and it might come that in the end your parents might be proud of what you did and it will show that they taught you well.MUCH LUCK!!!!!!!!:):):):):):):):)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2007):

Well, lets put it this way. You're not exactly destroying your life through drugs, prostitution and the like. It can become so difficult to break away from someone you're so fond of, no matter if they're your cousin or second cousin or whatever. Yes, at first it does come accross as a "sensitive" issue, but if you've consulted both sides of the family and they seem to be in agreement then you why not? Besides, your genetics are covered in terms of your biology and psychologically - well, that depends on both of you and how well you communicate with each other on the topic.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2007):

A couple of years ago, i was working at a place and a guy started working there. We started really liking each other and we started hanging out. When I told my mom about it she told me he was my second cousin. I cried for almost 2 hours, but we kept hanging out after that.

Long story short, he is now married to a girl that his mom can't stand. She's rather him be married to me "if you weren't cousins." And since he found out that I work in the city he lives in now, he's came by my work a couple of times. My boss is cool with it. We were talking and he admitted that he was equally upset but when his dad asked what was wrong, he didn't want to tell him that he loved his cousin.

Now, I sit here confused. Did he really love me? And why didn't he tell me? Was he just scared? I've gotten curious about what other people do when it comes to this...And started looking up things about second cousins.. And it's kind of ironic that people think its a sin because I asked God to send me the man he wanted me to be with. Well then I started being in contact with my cousin again... then he started coming by a lot. So I'm just confused and sometimes finding myself wanting his to get divorced.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2007):

I'm in a similar situation. I love my 32 year old cousin's daughter which i didn't even know my 32 year old cousin was my cousin. Well my cousin's daughter is my age and she loves me too, we love each other so much. I don't know what to do my parents don't know, but her step dad and mom does. Her step dad doesn't like me, but her mom/my cousin does know and agrees with our love. So i don't know what to do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2007):

i have been with my boyfriend for a while now not knowning we were second cousins, hes 19 im 17 {my dad an his mum are direct cousins}. We found out just 3 days ago and were stil unsure what to do!! We both recently fell in love with each other too so its alot harder then a short fun relationship if you know what im saying..

Its difficult making the decision as we are going through this too but i think if your happy go for it your family might not agree to start off with but then they might see how in love the two of you are..

hope i have helped in a way because me an my boyfriend are trying to work out what to do and what people would think but its up to you both to decide what ever makes you happy.x.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007):

don't worry. I have the same problem. the point is that you should do what you wanna do. if you guys really and TRULY love each other, what should stop you? you're parents don't like it? don't change your mind. what's really gonna stop this anyway? you probably don't see your parents during certain parts of the day, so just call your cousin when your parents aren't around and try to meet up somewhere. hope this helps you, good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007):

I am in a similar situation.. I am inlove with my grandmothers nephew. (second-cousin) We are miles aways from one another and although there are some people in my family already that are married with children to their second cousins, sometimes i feel weird. I love him so much. I just hope that we can get married have children and be happy. What i wonder the most is ..Is second cousin blood line really that close?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2006):

I have a similar situation. I am also in love with my second cousin, but neither of our parents know we are in love. I rarely get to see him, because he lives 2 hours away from me. (My mum and his dad are cousins). I understand what you mean. Also, how can your parents not know you're seeing each other? Surely they must have some idea?? I feel for you honey!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2006):

How did you know you'd fallen in love though?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2006):

Hun iv been through a situation so similar to urs only my parents did find out an i cant see him my best advice to u is wait until ur old enough to be on ur own an then go get him!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2006):

Hun iv been through a situation so similar to urs only my parents did find out an i cant see him my best advice to u is wait until ur old enough to be on ur own an then go get him!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2006):

it seems that everyone has an opinion to something that had never happened to them. until you have experienced it yourself. and if you dont have and knowledge higher that high school genetices then shutup. genetics is far more complex than what they teach you in high school. i was just as against cousin relationships as the next guy. until i met a cousin that i never grew up with, but know about and saw maybe couple times in my life. And everything i "believed" in didint matter. we fell in love when i saw again when i was 19. so you never know all you closed minded one way natzi ppl./

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2006):

Believe me, I know what you're going through... oh do I know what your going through! There is a nine year age gap between me and my second cousin, and I love him sooo much. He has feelings for me too. His mom isn't so bothered by it. She knows a bit about it and just says 'Whatever makes you happy' But if my mom and dad found out.. he would die.. And I know this for a fact. I'm struggling with it right now whether or not I want to pursue something like this. And for me, it isn't really what other people (outside my family) would say to me.. Screw them... it's the people closest to me that I fear upsetting..

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2006):

hi

i think there is nothing wrong to love your cousin. i was also love my second cousin. my mum and her dad are direct cousin, my aunty and uncle, they wanted me to marry my cousin. even i have their agrreement i still think and considering, the think is, marry is not out off passion or shopping for what you need. marry a long commitment and a willing to accepted each ohter and help each other and learn from each other as day --- time goes on. me personally tent to think what the problem I will see in the future. what the people around you think how it will effect your life and children to come. more fact is that you love each other, for my case i love her and i think she also have a feeling that she know i love her. and we 25 and 26 years old. how is your family restriction about marry second cousin. is it appropriate in your costom. my mum she marry to her cousin and my umcle he marry to his cousin. me and my cousin blood are fare but our lin are connect.

nothing wrong with it either... cuz I like my second cousin and she knows it,she say's it's wrong but i know she's lying cuz she acts different but i'm 17 and she's 14 but i'm scared to pursue after it also cuz i'm a little unsure of how she really feels but if it is woth it don't let anyone stand in the way of true love

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2005):

love is hard to come by so make sure u fight for it!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2005):

im 15 nd i find my 14 year old third cousin to be hott but were family soo thats kina weird...but if she liked me than id say screw it...but your second cousins thats closer than third...but i dont realy know what youd do in a perdiciment like that... the only way it would work is if you come clean and tell some one of this problem...i dont consider this insest beacuse its not the direct family member its further in the family tree soo i guess its ok for you to to love eachother... hope this helps

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2005):

There's nothing wrong with it at all. What religion fobids it? Not Catholicism. Why is it now "ok" for homosexuals to be happy but people who happen to share some genetics can't be? It would not be a big deal if it just happened to occur more often. It used to happen all the time.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2005):

I see nothing wrong with it either... cuz I like my second cousin and she knows it,she say's it's wrong but i know she's lying cuz she acts different but i'm 17 and she's 14 but i'm scared to pursue after it also cuz i'm a little unsure of how she really feels but if it is woth it don't let anyone stand in the way of true love

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2005):

Like others, I am in the same boat. Trust me, I'm a normal 23 year old girl living in the north east. I'm about to graduate college. I even have all of my teeth. I have no problem getting men but for some twisted and unknown reason, I have fallen for my second cousin. God, it's embarrassing, but we have to get over it. All of my friends know and a lot of his too. Granted it took them some getting used to, but now we're like "couple of the damn year". Our families don't know that we're together even though we LIVE TOGETHER. Also to the girl who said that it goes against religion, the bible actually says that you shouldn't sleep with immediate family (ie: brothers, sisters, ma, pa... haha). Second cousins can have normal children (I don't think I'm going down that road though). Good luck to anyone who has the balls to pursue their own happiness... and stay strong.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2005):

i am in exactly the same predicament.Im 26 and he is 32 and we are also second cousins. My parents know we are together but his know nothing about me. My dad and his dad are full cousins and dont get on either. We have been together a year and a half and i have had to issue him an ultimatum - if he doesnt tell them by end of this month we will have to break up. Although it will break my heart it is the only way otherwise we can never progress our relationship.

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A female reader, 81605slygurl +, writes (18 August 2005):

I don't like what Becky05 had to say and those others who think that it isn't illegal to marry or have a relationship with your cousin or even second cousin because in a lot of places, it is! If you are religious, it is definately a no-no!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2005):

I have the same problem too..I love my cousin and we have a forbidden love. I know how you feel. I think that what you should do is you should tell your parents and really try to let them understand your feelings for each other.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2005):

When I was ten my mother married her fathers brothers son, (she divorced my dad when I was 2 and was with her cousin since I was 3)and had my half sister with him. So not only is he her cousin, but he is my cousin as well as my step father. This is all fine and dandy for them and our entire family, but not for my sister and I. Whenever there is a family tree project at school we lie and make up fake last names to cover the fact that our parents are cousins. My parents even lie and say that they had the same last name but werent related before they were married. Marrying a cousin is enough of a stigma, but being the child of one is completely different. I love both my parents, and my sister, but I'm always secretly glad that I'm not her, (I'm 21, shes 16) because she is the product of a cousin marriage, which in a lot of places is considered insest. Its something that I have to deal with all the time, maybe its a shortcoming on my character, maybe not. You're still young so it probably doesn't apply to you, but if you or anyone else out there wants kids, then think twice about marrying a cousin, for the sake of your future kids.

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A reader, Mitchy +, writes (7 July 2005):

Genetically speaking, second cousins are differentiated enough that any breeding isn't likely to cause problems. Okay so yeah you got this social stigma, that's something to deal with, but you aren't likely to change anyone's opinion on your own, so either go for it, and live with the jeers, elope and don't tell the people in your new city what's going on, or give up on this relationship and move on. I guess it all depends on how much you want it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2005):

Hey find a way to convince your parents. Show them that you care, if you really care. Stick to him, I did 2 years and 10 moths. If you love him tell your parents, tell them how you feel and tell them that no one is going to stop you. I did it took me a year. They will come around.

P.s. Make life easier for on you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2005):

hi I was madly in love with my cousin's son. The trouble was he was married and wouldn't leave his wife. I still love him now but don't see him anymore.

If you really love him, don't worry what other people say, just do what you want. It's your life and you got to make your own choices and there's nothing illegal about it, so go for it.

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A female reader, denym +, writes (2 July 2005):

You sound just like a friend of mines but she has dated 2 of her cousins. But that is family and dating within should be forbidden. Everyone that surrouds you would at your mate/cousin as family, right. So how can you overlook that. I guess when someone has to introduce ya'll to some some new people that they'll introduce ya'll as a boyfriend & girlfriend while you sister/brother is being introduced as to your mate as thier cousin and yor mom will be introduced as your mate aunt. FUNNY!

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A reader, becky05 +, writes (2 July 2005):

What age are you and what age is he? Perhaps your parents are worried about the age difference? I assume that you know there is nothing illegal about second cousins (or cousins for that matter) having a relationship together. I think your parents need time to get used to the idea.

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