A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I have a question concerning my first time. I lost my virginity about a month ago to my fwb. Many people advised me against it seeing as there is no emotional attachment or significance. However i loved it so much. It was such a thrilling and enjoyable night. We spent the night together and i felt it was a great experience. I did not wake up and regret it in the morning. So my question is is it wrong that i am ok with giving it to a guy Im not in love with and out of cuoristy has anyone else given their virginity to a fwb guy regretted or not regretted their choices. Thanks for any feedback!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2013): My first time (and second and third) was so dull and uneventful I could care less who was with (it was with a bf). If you're fine with it then there's nothing wrong. I have a FWB with whom sex is amazing but he wanted it to be more and I said no, so we continued as FWB then after couple years I found myself wanting more and this time he said no...so we continued a couple more years as fwb now I am emotionally detached again but I think the consequence is I have just become a detached person in general.
My experience is that with FWB you may only feel regret if you've been going at it with the same person for a long time to where you start to question (or they do) where this is all heading since its been going on too long to qualify as just a casual hook up.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2013): I did and currently still doing it with an awesome friend of mine and hell no I didn't regret it because I had lost my virginity well before
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 August 2013):
 If you are OK with it, then it's NOT wrong.. FOR YOU.
Each to their own. I DO think in most cases sex quite often involves romantic emotions - specially for women.
In your case maybe it was something you wanted to get out of the way? (The virginity) more then wanting to share the first time with someone "special".
DO what feels right for you as long as you also use common sense and your moral compass.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2013): Just be careful. I lost my virginity to an ex bf, who was already an ex at the time. I wasnt over him yet though he had a gf. That was in college.
When i went back home i started having sex with a certain guy on an fwb arrangement. Sex was so amazing beyond my imagination. The sad thing is that i eventually fell in love with him and now 4years later he's my bf. Its sad coz he's not educated, unemployed most of the time. But i just cant let him go coz the sex is amazing, he worships me and i just get sad whenever i imagine being with someone else whom family and society at large can accept. Sometimes i feel fate was cruel connecting me with this guy coz i just dont wanna let him go.
My point is, dont let yourself go deep, if possible dont get emotionally involved. Especially if in your right mind its someone you wouldnt consider settling down with.
Just a thought.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 August 2013):
 You're lucky! Many women have awful first time sex even with a committed long-term relationship with someone they love. You're among the ranks of those that had a great first-time, and good for you!
I worry, though. Women tend to bond more with their first time guys. If you're with a FWB, I'm nervous you'll develop feelings and attachment beyond the rules of an FWB. Would you care if he's sleeping with other women now? Would you care if he were flirting with other women now? Because that's the true face of FWB, it means no strings attached, and losing virginity often carries the baggage of attaching strings.
If you can handle never having exclusivity or a relationship with this guy, then more power to you! But I worry that you'll get attached.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2013): FWBs have the right to keep sleeping with you and also with other girls. He may decide he wants one of them as a girlfriend but not you. Will you okay with that too?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2013): You definitely aren't the first. I also lost my virginity when I was 20 to a fwb but it was something I regretted at the time- I was in love with him but he had feelings for someone else. However my bf now is the guy I was fwb with so it's weird how things turn out. I don't recommend doing fwb though as it changes friendships. When I moved back to my hometown the end of last year I tried it with a different guy, things were fine in the beginning but we ended up not talking as much- especially when we both entered relationships. Plus it will also give off a reputation that you don't want. The second biggest thing I regret in my life had to be fwb.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (1 August 2013):
 Well, you can be absolutely certain that you are hardly the first young woman to enjoy a first evening of sex that way. Duh! I'm a "child" of the 1960s-70s. Back then, it seemed that a majority of young folks were screwing like rabbits. It was fairly healthy then, in terms of sexually-transmitted disease and all. That was rarely a concern among those of us who were circulating among young, clean, good-looking young people at the nightclubs, discos and such.
In my case, there were a number of simply lustful, explorative escapades with girls in college, from the clubs or otherwise met - and I don't think any of us were in any way traumatized by our youthful sexuality. In fact, most cases, a fairly lengthy relationship developed, and I married one gal which lasted 20 years.
I don't think much has changed. In fact, it's possibly wilder today than ever. There may be, justifiably, more concern today regarding STDs, but young folks have always been promiscuous. It's natural. It has to do with what I call raging hormones. In conclusion, don't worry much about it -or at all, but hopefully, someday, you will find a lifelong love.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 August 2013):
 Just out of curiosity.. then what happened after that first night ? Is he a FWB, or..was he an one night stand ?
Not that it would make a big difference, as long as it was your unpressured choice and you are happy with it.
No, I don't believe that sex and love must becessarily go hand in hand , and I don't believe that one should necessarily only be having sex within a committed relationship. There are times and situations in a person's life when something purely physical and recreational is appropriate too .( Although, I admit, personally I don't think that your first approach to physical love should happen as yours did , and at your age too. I don't know, it sounds so ordinary and lackluster and unromantic ... as if you had had the chance to be wined and dined in a fancy beautiful reastaurant tomorrow and you'd skip it in favour of a Big Mac today . But that's just me ).
So, no, you are not doing anything morally otrageous, and , as long as you are happy, everybody is happy.
BUT : it's early days yet. Too early to draw conclusions. wait some more and see if you are still so happy. Let the oxycitone work its way up to your brain during a few encounters, and let it fuel your infatuation- start developing an attachment, even just a preference for this guy, and see how you like when you find out what FWB entails , i.e. mainly, that you are not his only " friend " and he can ditch you or stand you up anytime in favour of some new entry. See how you feel waiting by a phone that does not ring, or at least not as often as you'd like....
It does not have to be like that all the times, and I am not jinxing you, in fact I wish for you that you can remain as cool as a cucumber and be content with what you get now , a fun roll in the hay every now and then. Only, it's not very probable, it does not happen too often. So, let's wait , say , a couple of months and see if you are still enthusiastic about the current arrangement. Hopefully yes. But probably... uhm.
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