A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so me and this guy were good friends. we saw each other since about april but were never official. we fell out quite a bit and had a couple of big arguments so he basically said he thinks we should only be friends so it doesn't ruin our friendship even though it's not what either of us want. i text him the next day to say i hope stuff isn't awkward and i hope he's okay. no reply. saw him recently and he apologised for not replying saying he didn't want to talk about it by text. we spoke and got on fine at some points. other points he wouldn't look at me, told me not to touch him, ignored me.. next minute he was close to me, held my hand. we had a bit of an argument and we stopped talking. we didn't say bye to each other. now a few days later we haven't spoken since. i want us to be friends. ideally more. but i'm fine with being friends. i don't want things to be awkward so i was thinking of texting him to say that i want things to be okay. but i'm unsure because he didn't reply last time i don't want to seem pathetic.. what do you think? i'm meant to be seeing him with other friends on wednesday and i don't want it to be awkward. what should i do? text him? leave it? carry on with us ignoring each other? i don't want to lose our friendship :(
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 July 2012):
 Friendship.. I think unfortunately the friendship is lost. At least for a while, you need to get some space between you. Right now neither of you are sure how to interact. You said you both wanted more. But you're both scared because you had these fights.
How do you perceive these fights that you had? Were they serious? Were they about differences in the two of you that makes you incompatible? Or were they about smaller things that could have been worked out, if you had only given it more time?
Once friendship is mixed in with romance you can't just return to friendship like that. You need to suffocate any romantic feeling towards each other for that to happen, and most people don't know how to do that. And, you also risk killing off any friendship-feelings as well, so as to become completely indifferent.
Basically, I don't think you and him can be just friends again. There will always be something more between you, something unsaid and undone. I think he feels this too, which is why he sometimes is cold with you, sometimes holds you hand.
You know when people distance themselves it's for two reasons: either they hate the other person, or they LOVE the other person. Pulling away is what tons of people do to avoid getting their hearts broken. My guess is he's in love with you, but that the fights hurt him. Maybe he doesn't know how you feel about him.
Is he just a friend to you? Or is he more? Tell him.
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