A
male
age
51-59,
*ondrake
writes:You guys have prevented me from making some monumental blunders in the past..see some of my past posts..But I've NEVER needed your help more than I do now! Scenario: I live in Wash, DC. I'm cycling back from tennis practice when I hear, from across the street, "Hey, you with the tennis bag!" I stopped, thinking I may have dropped something out of my bag. From across the street comes this very attractive young woman who looked to have been out on a run. She's with this African-American fellow. (I am as well; no big deal.) He introduces them, as I come to find out that she is very shy, and asks, "if I am looking for new tennis partners would i mind playing with her?I'm floored! I've played mostly all of my life; I play sanctioned tournaments when I can and I'm in great shape..no brag, just facts. She looks like the identical twin of the Slovakian tennis player Daniela Hantuchova and found it flattering that I mentioned and thought so. We exchange numbers and next weekend we play. 2-hrs on Saturday followed by lunch and 1-hr. on Sunday. Her texts are giddy!; in her words, "She Loved it. Great time all-around. Cannot wait til next time!" (I think The Goddess sends her daughters your way only after you've earned it.)I'm smittened and tell her so in no uncertain terms. Suddenly NO texts at all!!Then I read that German women are conditioned to a much more subtle style of coquetry and she probably viewed my swashbuckling style as overly forward. I've sent 2 texts. 1 saying, "hope you had a great holiday. See you soon." The other saying let me know when you're back. I'll take it from there." Nothing. Que up the Sounds of crickets for miles. She is very age appropriate (32-34yrs) for me if you use the +plus 7-year calculation that I've mentioned in an earlier post. I don't think I should send anymore text messages without running the risk of something unpleasant from her. What do I do?! As an aside: Andre Agassi waited for more than 5 years before Steffi agreed to date him. Comments, suggestions, advice and opinions welcomed.
View related questions:
player, shy, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, vondrake +, writes (3 December 2012):
vondrake is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Serpico,
Thanks for the optimistic support. Believe me, if I could write the screenplay for this comedy, what you've put forth is how it would play out.
However, being a realist and an incurable optimist, I think the female responders replies may actually be the way it plays out.
But as they say: "that's why you play the game!"
Thanks again for your response.
M
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (3 December 2012):
You need to back off. If she feels that way about you, backing off will make her chase you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 December 2012):
 Nothing wrong with putting yourself out there but I would give it a bit more time before doing so in the future.
...............................
A
male
reader, vondrake +, writes (1 December 2012):
vondrake is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHoneypie,Thanks for your reply. please know that I have not sent anymore texts since 2 that I mentioned that happened right before Thanksgiving. Since she always responded right away, I definitely got the feeling that I'd done something wrong.She could have asked anyone to play tennis and I'm sure they would've cancelled on their Grandmother (and I love my Grandmothers) to play with her. So I obviously read waaay to much into it when I was stopped on the street. At the time I didn't think they were involved, but after reading some of the advice responses, I now realize the huge error that I committed. I just didn't want to be one of those people that find themselves in these situations that instead of speaking up and expressing their sentiments go on line posting those pathetic posts about missed connections, etc. and other such nonsense, hoping the person sees it. Another acquaintance told me to: "put yourself out there, wear your heart on your sleeve, get your heart walked on and live a little. It may not work out every time, but don't live with any regrets." Thanks again for your response.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 December 2012):
She was looking for a tennis partner NOT a date. And honestly you BARELY know her.
So... STOP texting her. If she still wants to play tennis with you she will get in touch, if she wants to date you, she will get in touch.
Are you sure the fella you met her with on the street isn't her Boyfriend?
...............................
A
male
reader, vondrake +, writes (1 December 2012):
vondrake is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTom-
Oops! Hit the back button by accident. So to finish that last statement: I'm sure it must have made her wary of such an outpouring of emotions considering the fact that we'd only met a few days earlier.
Although I promise you there was never any: "Oh baby, etc., etc.", obviously what I did express definitely came across as overly forward and put her on the defensive.
Again, thanks for your comments.
...............................
A
male
reader, vondrake +, writes (30 November 2012):
vondrake is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Daisy_Daisy-
Thanks so much for the quick reply. This is all very helpful and enlightening and explains soo much.
Yes, to your question as to the introductions. That is exactly how he introduced himself and her. So, using that logic, they were an item (or not) and, obviously, I didn't pick up on it. (This explains why I scored not that well in Logic at Univ.)
That was as gentle a reproach, yours and hers, as I've ever received.
Thanks again,
Happy Holidays.
...............................
A
male
reader, Tom Obler  +, writes (30 November 2012):
 Hi,
She may have been thrilled to have found a tennis practise partner. Her happiness was to do with playing tennis and that's all. As far as you say, she didn't ever mention romance or anything like that. Did she ever say or do anything to do with romance? Thanks.
...............................
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (30 November 2012):
 I agree with your decision: you shouldn't send any more texts.
I think it's quite possible that she was just looking for someone to play tennis with, nothing more than that. Unless she said something to suggest otherwise? Flirted?
And who was the guy she was with when you first met? You said he introduced them both to you; did he say "this is my friend such-and-such"? Maybe they're an item and you didn't pick up on it?
It could be a cultural thing - I also find Germans a bit more emotionally reserved, if that's the right expression. But that wouldn't make her back off so completely if she likes you.
Lastly, what you think as "age appropriate" might be very different from her own ideas. You're a fair bit older, and she might have thought that the age gap placed you both in a position where she could play tennis as buddies without complications of romance.
...............................
|
