A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We were cheating on our partners and we got caught I finished it with my partner because I felt like it was the rite thing to do. She wants me back but I only feel like I would hurt her again so I cant.She went back to him but she wont stop texting me saying she miss's me and she cant not talk to me I love her and want her to leave him but I don't know if she will she knows I love her but im not sure if she thinks that its to much of a risk with me to leave him they have been together a long time but if he is enough then why cheat with me? I wont go back to cheating on him its not fair on anyone it hurts people to much.Does she love him?Why is she doing this, what does she want with me?Why wont she leave me to get over it?Why take the risk talking to me if he knew she was?Confused hurt annoyed confused!! Is she?I am 29 and I really think this is the first time I have been in love. Loves so hard and complicated it feels like I have made a mess of my life because of it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): linz was not harsh - just told it like it is.to the OP - this woman will not leave her husband, the thrill of the affair is what drove her. imagine if you two were to become a normal couple, the excitment of the affair dead, then what - normal boring committed relationship just like her marriage. whether she loves the hb should not be of concern to you. you need to see her selfish nature/act and realise, and come to the realisation that you were what she needed to escape her boring relationship. also realise IT IS OVER- so the sad texts or phone calls means nothing- she wants you both and the little lady needs to learn the hard way that her greed has cost her. you are not her f*ck buddy anymore, her game is up and you need to say ITS OVER. the question is, are you able to do this??
A
male
reader, 2old4this  +, writes (28 August 2009):
 Both of the first two comments were mostly right. Linz was a little hard on you though because you were honest with your affair and didnt want it to continue because you fell in love with this woman. You were right in ending it with your girlfriend, she has suffered enough. Collaroy was right. Your are in love with a lie. She just wanted the cheating. Sure she is attracted to you, but she doesnt feel that strong about you. You made a bad choice. The best thing to do is cut your ties and your losses and move on. Find a woman who you love and who loves you. And like Linz said, learn from your mistake. Cheating is never worth it.
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A
female
reader, linz09 +, writes (28 August 2009):
 Can't say I have massive sympathy for your plight you go into something knowing you had partners and knowing you were hurting other people with your actions and now after everything is public,things haven't gone the way you had wished.You've not only messed up your life but you have also messed up your partners. Your ex mistress probably still does hold some feelings for you, but by he looks of things isn't prepared to be involved with you fully as she already would, there is nothing holding her back now....so my advice to you is let this little charade be a massive lesson to you and hopefully make you a better person. Make sure your next partner is available and don't get yourself into this mess again...the only outcome of all this has been upset and heartbreak....
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (28 August 2009):
 Unfortunately when you play the affair game for most people the risk and the excitement of being unfaithful is mostly what its about. Once you played the "I've left my parter to be with you" card, the excitement has gone. It's no longer secret trysts and sneaky raunchy messages. It's washing underwear, and coming home to the same body every day. She has that already with her current partner, why would she want to do this with you? You are her plaything, that is why she is continuing to message you, she wants the old relationship back, not the one where you two live happily ever after.
She wants the passionate affair relationship the one where she sneaks behind her partners back.
You can still have this she is ready and willing, and at least you have some semblance of respectability to not involve your cheated partner again ( and fair dues to you for doing this ), but you now know that this woman has no compunction to leave her partner and never will.
She wants things the old way, nice lady aint she?
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