A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I sleep in separate beds. We have different sleeping patterns – I’m an early riser and insomniac; he sleeps late and needs a lot of sleep. About a year ago, he started kicking me out of bed in the middle of the night, saying I was disturbing him (I don’t snore, but it could be anything from turning over in bed to heavy breathing). And at least, if I moved to the spare room, I could get straight back to sleep instead of lying awake trying not to make any noise. But gradually, our beds have got increasingly separate. For the past couple of months, I’ve slept in the spare room all the time, figuring that 1) I wouldn’t be woken up when he came to bed and then again when he kicked me out and 2) I wouldn’t have to feel like shit when he kicked me out. It’s putting a dampener on our sex life, but it also feels ridiculous. We’re in our thirties and have no kids; which couples in our situation sleep in separate beds? (Although I should add that I have raised this with my boyfriend and he doesn’t see it as a problem.) We’ve both been through some tough times recently, and I suspect my boyfriend’s restless sleeping is related to depression (which he won’t see a professional about). I understand that he needs his sleep – so do I – but I feel like this situation is so bad for our relationship. Thoughts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2012): Hi, you just need to set the scene and seduce him, lingeri and sexy hills will do the trick. If he does not come to you, why dont you go to him Also a nice diner, even shower together. Be spontaneous and make an effort if you think the sex life is suffering.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (4 December 2012):
 Sleeping together is very important. You breathe, he breathes, your as close as you can get together without being naked. It helps to cement the bonds of relationships. Your heartbeats even mirror each other to become more the same.
That's the perfect ideal, now on to reality.
You have different sleep patterns, that will cause both of you sleep deprivation, and in the day time you'll be irritable and more likely to be stressed and angry. Not worth it. The perfect way to be together is what works for you. Some people live in different houses, heck, some people live in different countries, and they are still in love, still together and seem to do ok.
Not sure about this "kicking out". Sounds violent and may make you feel unwanted. Separate sleeping arrangements should be done with tact and sensitivity.
There is no reason why this should spoil your love for each other, or your sex life. But to keep things strong, you should both work harder. Very little things, like kissing every night before bed. Maybe sharing bathing together. Frequent sex in both bedrooms, heck, downstairs in the kitchen on the table as well. If your not sleeping together, you need to keep the romance working in other places. Maybe invitations in writing when your ready to be sexy, always keeping things beautiful and sexy, so it's a pleasant adventure each and every time.
That way, your room are for sleeping only, a functional thing, but the whole house becomes your playground and your distance is as small as your imaginations make it.
Buy a couple of teddy bears and swap them, then make jokes about it in the morning, to reassure yourselves that your thinking about each other at night when you sleep.
Don't worry, just make everything else nice and sweet.
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A
male
reader, lakers_lover09  +, writes (4 December 2012):
Studies actually show tht sleeping in separate beds is healthy for a relationship because it gives each person space instead of having nowhere in the house to be comfortable by urself. Both beds should be in the same room tho. If there is a problem in ur relationship, the sleeping arrangements may be an outlet to a bigger issue. Do u argue alot? How is ur sex life? Etc
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2012): As soon as our daughter left for college , we started sleeping separately, and this is the best thing that we did for each other comfort. Mybhusband snores and as he says I do this thing with my throat:). I m a bad sleeper as it is, I wake up in a middle of the night all the time, him too, it's a blessing that we have plenty of rooms that we don't hVe to share a bedroom. Plus, I go to sleep very early, round 10, he never goes to sleep before midnight
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (3 December 2012):
 I found a couple of articles for you to read about. I had come across one awhile back and your post reminded me. The fact is a strong and secure couple finds sleeping apart not to be an issue. This is probably why your boyfriend finds no problem with the situation. Getting a good nights sleep is very important and if you can't get that sleeping together then sleeping apart is the logical solution. It doesn't mean you don't love each other or your relationship is falling apart. I don't think it means anything bad for your relationship as long as you are still intimate with each other in your daily lives. My grandparents had separate bedrooms for years, my husband's parents sleep separately as well because of snoring keeping each other awake. If it works for you and you don't find the rest of your relationship lacking because of it then don't worry about it.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1212127/Sharing-bed-bad-health-Want-dream-marriage-Then-sleep-separate-beds.html
http://m.voices.yahoo.com/married-couples-sleeping-apart-209439.html
http://m.voices.yahoo.com/separate-beds-does-not-equal-atroubled-marriage-328767.html
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (3 December 2012):
 How is the rest of your relationship? Are you affectionate with eachother at other times? Would you say you have a good, loving and happy relationship? Do you spend quality time together?
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