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We seem to bond and then they disappear?

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 August 2014) 4 Answers - (Newest, 1 September 2014)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I'm a single woman, very independent and incredibly lost in my own craft of art and music. I'm still a student in college. For most of my life, I've been pretty insecure about myself thinking I'm weird or different and that I didn't fit in but recently I've stopped caring what people think of me and all that time I've put into developing myself is finally paying off as my work is receiving a lot of attention.

Earlier this year, I ended a 2 year relationship because I could sense my boyfriend and I were not growing together as a couple anymore. Ever since then, I've spent a lot of time on my own and or meeting tons of new people. I've found that my confidence in myself has grown and has attracted a lot of men.

It's fairly new to me to have so much attention and I'm not really sure how to handle it. For example. Someone I had a crush on a while ago and never spoke to him reached out to me this week. We ended up hanging out and going on some pretty fun and wild adventures. In fact, we had ourselves a pretty huge mishap and had to become adults and figure out how we'd get ourselves out of the pickle. Both of us stayed incredibly calm the whole time and it turned out to be a really great adventure.

Long story short, we spent an entire week together hanging out and having the absolute time of our lives, and even held hands publicly, in front of my friend, went shopping together...etc...but suddenly he is not present anymore.

I guess I'm confused because it seemed we were on the same page but all of a sudden he disappeared without warning. I was really surprised because I felt we totally bonded.

Stuff like this has happened with other guys before where we have a lot of fun together, act like a couple who has been in love for years and then suddenly they are gone. In the past, I just didn't react to the situation and let them disappear but this time around, I really want to ask the guy what made him go away. I don't understand this pattern and if it's something about myself that's scaring guys away I'd like to know. If it's my independence then maybe I have to stay single a little longer.

I feel like I'm a pretty easy going girl with a lot of flexibility. I tend to remain calm in almost every situation because I know I'll be able to vent through my art later.

Anyway, if anyone understands this or has been/is in my shoes, your ideas and advice are helpful.


View related questions: confidence, crush, insecure

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (1 September 2014):

Honeypie agony auntI think some people can have a glorious week-end with someone and not want more. Others think that BECAUSE they had a glorious week-end they have a future together. Specially if nothing is TALKED about.

I think you "fall in love" with the IDEA of a guy or a "perfect" relationship and thus get swept away over a great week-end "adventure.

So honestly, I think it's GREAT you have found yourself and are testing your own limits, but maybe IF you are looking for a SERIOUS relationship then don't jump into BED too fast with a guy.

As much as women are more sexually liberated these days MANY men still have the notion that if a girl is willing to have sex early on, she is not serious GF material. Double standard, but that is how it is.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2014):

It seems to me that "holding hands" happen very fast with you.

I know nowdays sex is a very casual thing, but I would give it a time before I jump into bed too fast.

I made it a rule just before I met my husband not to to have sex within first month and getto know a guy better. And honestly, 100% of the time I was glad I didn't have sex with any of them. 90%?of them dissapeared within first couple of weeks which showed me that the only thing they wanted is sex. 10% kept nagging me about it just to dissapear also after another 2 weeks.

There was no respect for my desicion not to do it , it was all about them.

When I met my husband he seemed not to care wether we do it or not.,

Later he said, of course he played his game very well. But month went by, we kissed, but no sex. And then we did it, it was so natural, I felt like I know him good enough, and there was no fearthatbhe will wake up in a morning and dissapear.

I Amit saying that they won't dissapear even later on,people don't get lane it doesn't matter how soon you have sex, but atleastfor yourself you can be sure that you are with someone you like.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2014):

Turn it into music and art, my friend made some smash hit photography in a london gallery due to the remmnants of an abusive relationship. People relate to stories of woe and ships that pass in the night and lovers who dissapear over the horizon without saying goodbye.

Learn to Use what the universe gives you, that's what artists do.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2014):

What you experienced is something very common these days.

Most men are just like houdini where they appear and disappear.

I honestly dont think you did wrong. Its just that they are attracted to you in a different way.

Physically attracted, you shared good times but not enough for them to stay n want you more.

You were not able to really get to know this men deeper. True love takes time to develop.

When i say time it takes months and years. They must have like you in a shallow way. Its a norm thing for men.

They fly from one rose to another rose like butterflies.

The date with sally last week must be fantastic but theres another girl name hannah for this week. It goes on and on.

Its ok to date, dont lose hope. But be just like what men do. Dont give your heart right away. Save it.

Also as much as possible. Skip sex.

I do believe that you will find the one your looking for. Somebody who will stay for good. Just stay positive, take care of yourself, and have fun.

Dont think too much.

It didnt happen, it didnt push through so what? Prince harry is still single. Lol. Joking. The right one will come along. Unexpectedly. Thats why God wants you to stay single at this time.

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