A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend recently asked me to be more dominant in the relationship. Being dominant is something that doesn't come naturally to me, and to be honest, I have no idea how!! What does being more dominant mean? (And no not in bed, we don't do that. We want to wait on sex. ) I really want to try this, but I don't know what being dominant means. Does it mean telling him to do things? Or going for what I want?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2015): Well, dominant means more assertive, take charge, knowing what you want, confident. All these things.But also I need to point out that your BF should be happy with WHO YOU ARE as a person and not ask you to change.Never change to please anybody.Those who love us will accept us for who we are and LOVE us for who we are.A strong woman stands her ground and knows who she is and who she is not. Yes, there are always compromises to be made in relationships but to change something about you or your character to please another is not always do-able nor advisable.To pull the dominant act in the bedroom is altogether different. It is role playing and this is do-able and not asking you to change in real life.So, not sure what he is really getting at here?Do not let him take control. He seems to be on the possessive and controlling side. Trying to create the woman he wants. Not accepting the woman he already has.Clearly you are both very young and inexperienced in relationships. And your BF has a lot of growing up and maturing to do. You will see someday what I mean.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2015): Like Cindy says you need to ask your boyfriend what he means by it. I think I know. He is asking you to be more outgoing and show your strength. Girls often think they have to always be sweet, girlish, and appear weak or frail. Some guys like strong women. They like girls who stand-up for themselves and don't buckle under easily, or cry at the drop of a hat.
Just be as strong as you can be as a female. That's all he means. You may be a little too shy or you always agree with him; and don't really show you are his equal. He wants you to feel you are as important in your relationship as he is, and he wants you to show it.
You are right, dominance doesn't always have anything to do with sexuality.
He wants you to be more "assertive." That means show a confident and forceful personality. He may have used the wrong word to get the point across.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 May 2015):
 I think the only one who can answer your question precisely is your bf- why don't you ask HIM what he means by dominant and how would he like you to show your dominance ? Wouldn't that be much simpler than guessing ?....
Anyway, if I have to guess, and excluding he means "sexually " , during intercourse and foreplay, as the term is generally used, I'd say that he feels you should be more assertive, more proactive maybe.
Not always just go along with the things he suggests to do, or wait for him to be in charge of all your dates, but come up with your own initiative and ideas : " why don't we do this and that, go here or there ". And maybe he wants to see you holding your own in a conversation - or even in an argument. Not saying " as you want my dear " or " whatever you wish " in order to be " sweet " , but being capable to take a stand and defend your opinion.
Said that - the best would still be if you ask HIM to give you examples of what dominanat means to him.
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