A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I have been in a relationship for about 5yrs, he was married for 19 yrs and I for 21 years. During the time we have been together he has cheated on me (he says only 1 time but I'm not sure) and have gotten busted lying to me soooooooo many times. We have broken up several times,he always gets into short relationships, then we get back together. This time I told him he could not lie to me about anything, even if I don't want to hear it and he agreed to not lying . We have been dating again for 3 months and I caught him lying already??? The thing is he didn't have to lie because I don't/didn't care that he go's to Strip Clubs, that is as long as he doesn't get any private dances. He has agree to that for about 4yrs and has told me countless times he has gone to them, but just last month he went out with a friend and I went out with some friends. Before we meet at his house at the end of the night, we were texting each other and he said he and his friend were downtown (the strip club is on the other side of town) but now we're going to get a bite to eat, then he would be home. When he got back to his house, were talking about what we did and where we went. Well, he totally left out that he had went to a Strip Club and I found out because one of my guy friends told me he seen him there, so I ask him. He said yes, he was there...but wanted to know how I found out. I ask, Why would you leave it out, he said he proposely didn't tell me, but that was lying! I asked, if you don't have any reason to lie, then why lie about it? He said, he didn't know why, except that he just chose not to tell me. I asked him, have I ever given you a reason that made you feel like you had to lie about going? He said NO, I know you don't mind that I'm there and I have never bitched or nagged at him for going, I hate for him to lie to me! I just can stand it, I do not lie to him about anything, even if I know he won't like what I have to say. Plus, his last girlfriend kept calling and texting him for a month after we were back together, I ask to hear what he was saying or texting to her, but he refused to let me hear. So, I'm wondering, if I should just move on or will he always be a lier and a cheat?
View related questions:
cheated on me, get back together, got back together, move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone who responsed to my question.... Btw, I wanted to tell "Y" I'm sorry, I rated your question wrong. You answer was EXCELLENT : ) I will take your answers to heart!!
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (28 November 2010):
 Move on. Why try to change someone who's clearly shown they can't change? You'd be better off beating your head against a wall.
...............................
A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (28 November 2010):
 He's like dating a little child. You really need to get yourself together and move on. Find a wonderful mature man, not a man you have to treat like a child. No one likes an angry mummy, much less a grown child like him. Just do yourself a favor.
P.S - strip clubs shouldn't be ok like this. He probably does get private dances!
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 November 2010):
 Sounds like he gets some sort of misguided psychological pay off by lying. As if he feels it's fun or risky, and therefore exciting to get away with not telling you the truth about everything.
While i do realise that every year we women age it can be harder for an unattached woman to find an unattached, available unmarried employed, genuine man.
But ANY man is no prize, if he's as flawed as this Lothario. In some situations NO man is preferable to a man who refuses to be faithful, honest, genuine, respectful, pay his way, and treat his partner well.
I really hate to have to say this, but based on your description, this man acts like a teenage boy trapped in a man's body.
And he is treating you like you are his mother. He knows you will love him no matter what. You are so genuine and honest and reliable.
But he gets a wicked little thrill in keeping some things secret from you.
And continuing to text and speak to another woman for one whole month for the three months you have been back together? Pleeeeease. Totally unacceptable. Very disrespectful. One curt response from him, saying 'do not call me again' to her, and not opening any other further message from her is all he needed to do. That would have shut that messaging down.
How much ego does this man have?
Does he imagine he is some sort of SuperStud to all womankind?
I think you are far too good for him. He
doesn't deserve a good woman like you.
His 'reliability' is very flakey. I could not trust him. Not even for a minute.
There will be some lovely things you can do, places you can go, as you get on with your life, in the future. And who knows? You may be surprised at how many wonderful experiences await you as you go forth in the world. And perhaps a new man who does not lie, a man you can trust?
Y
...............................
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (28 November 2010):
 Honestly he sounds pathological. I would move on!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): Hi. I read your question, but honestly, I think you already know your answer, sweetie. Seriously, this one is a goner. DNR = do NOT resuscitate! You can do way way better.
...............................
|
