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We met online, but he hasn't asked to meet in person. What's going on?

Tagged as: Friends, Online dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 January 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 27 January 2010)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I received an email from a very polite and good looking man from an online dating site.

He said he was looking to expand his circle of friends to do more things...and emailed me to say hello. He also described himself as very laid back, and a bit of a loner.

We actually live in the same town. He is always very polite,and very complimentary towards me(telling me Im pretty) We have exchanged six or seven polite email between us. However, he hasn't asked to meet me in person.

Also,I noticed that I only receive email from him Monday thru Thursday. (Does he have a girlfriend?)

Im a little confused...Is this guy interested in me for a friendship or dating?

Im interested in a getting to know him for a friendship and or dating,but neither can happen if we don't meetin person.

Does anyone have any idea what he is thinking?

Or should I just stop communicating with him. Weve had

six or seven email in ten days.

Men please Help please!!!

View related questions: met online

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi Everyone,

Need your opinion again.I feel totally confused about today's dating scene. Here is an update.(My original question was on 1/23/10. I should probably mention that Im 42 and the guy is 31 years old.

I decided to try and make sure this shy guy realizes that Im interested and attracted to him. So I said "Hello Handsome" when I responded to the last email he sent me.

Well he responded by quickly sending three more email, and asked to chat on yahoo.

I thought great he just needed to know that Im interested in him. So we are chatting on yahoo,I asked him if he was single. He said yes,he and his ex broke up a few months ago... And said he wouldn't be chatting with me if he was in a relationship.

Also,he asked to see more pictures. I said no problem since I had only one head shot(in a turtle neck)posted on the dating site (he has 3 photos posted). I sent two more head shots and one full length shot, in jeans and a button down shirt (nothing too sexy, very classic)

Well he flipped when he saw the photos. Now,I appreciate the compliments.....but I truthfully I think this guy was just super"horny" and hasn't been with a woman in a few months. He went on and on about( a bit too much)about how beautiful and sexy I am(hair, lips,body, ect.).

I'm 42 years old(old school), and Im not used to men talking about me this way so early on in the conversation. He was clearly aroused and actually ended up getting off the phone to take a shower. I did ask him if he was looking for " casual sex with no relationship. He said no, and that he hopes to fall in love with the right person.

One minute this guy is shy, the next minute he has a hard on? Im confused. What is he looking for? Does he just want to have sex with me? Im now wondering if he will not contact me again, because I told him I was looking for a relationship with a real connection,not just sex.

Aside from the sex talk,I enjoyed the conversation....we seem to have quite a few things in common.

Im so confused........

Your thoughts please !

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi Everyone,

Thanks so much for responding to my question ! I really appreciate all the thoughtful replies. I will keep you posted.



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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010):

well tbh sugar, six or seven emails isn't very much communication.

Just give it time and regardless of if its friendship or otherwise if you feel ready to meet him ask him for a coffee.

You said yourself he described himself as a loner; he may just be shy!

And since you're ready for a friendship or a relationship worst case you end up with a friend!

good luck xxx

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A female reader, Denise32 United States +, writes (24 January 2010):

Denise32 agony auntWell, its not possible to read his mind! Only receiving emails Monday to Thursday is something to wonder about......could he be working away from home and going back to a wife on weekends? Perhaps, but there might also be a perfectly innocent reason.

Why don't you ask if he'd like to meet for coffee - or lunch - out somewhere (not at his home or yours) and see what he says?

He'll may well say yes and suggest a time and place, or if he seems vague about it abd noncommittal you'll have your anwswer either way (anybody can be busy, but not so much so that he can't arrange to meet when he has some free time).

Good luck!

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A male reader, Honest Answer United States +, writes (23 January 2010):

Honest Answer agony auntThe Monday-Thursday emails are a bit odd, but he has only emailed you six times, so I am willing to give him th benefit of the doubt. Maybe he is a caring guy who doesn't want to move too fast.

Now on to the real advice:

1. Get his first and last name and do a internet search. If he is on a dating site, chances are he has a facebook or a myspace site.

2. Do a search in the local telephone book. This will let you know if he has been honest with you.

3. Have him send you a picture with a requested object in his hand. Example: a spoon, a coke, a crayon. WHat ever you tell him. This will confirm that the picture he send is actually what he looks like. Do not accept "I don't have a digital camera" excuse. This is 2010 everyone has a digital camera or a friend that has one.

4. Meet him with a friend. There is always strength in numbers.

5. Meet in a public place.

6. Do not give him your home phone number or your address until you know who you are dealing with.

And good Luck!


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