A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So i have this unique situation with my friend, but I've came to terms to it but I would like some input and some advice on how odd this situation is..So I met this girl at a party 6 months ago and from the first moment we met in about a couple of hours we started making out for about 20min. After that every time we hung out and drank we make out, we just settled we were friends and we didn't mind just making out. We decided to go to cancun together for about two weeks but during that time she was in a relationship. It kind of got me bummed out with the fact that she's going out with someone, but after the last half of our getaway vacation we started making out even while sober and acting like we were dating and then right after at night she has long conversations with her boyfriend (and no there aren't having a bad relationship, I hear them everyday). On the last day we finally talked about what we were doing and what's going on and we concluded that we love making out with each other and we like each other to an extent and that we're always going to have this unique friendship, this even happened while she was in another relationship. Can someone tell me if anyone been in this situation and how they handled it..Thank you! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 October 2014):
 I can't see that your friendship is anything " unique ".
It sounds to me like a garden-variety FWB. With a girl who's taken and cheating, though.
The party who's going to develop feelings / attachment / a crush is the one who is going to get hurt.
Hint hint : in this case, it's not going to be the girl....
It can't happen ? Sure ? Sure sure ? You don't care at all , you just want to make out ? then fine, - except may be for the fact that you are helping her to cheat and your conscience should bother you.
If your conscience is asleep or AWOL - then , just watch out for STD and enjoy...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2014): You don't have a unique friendship... You're her bit on the side who she cheats on her boyfriend with but doesn't even bother to go all the way even though it's just as bad what she's doing. And you're just as bad for going on with it, although I feel sorry because you are deluded.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (16 October 2014):
 I had a similar thing many years ago. We dated a bit in grade 10 but it never went anywhere. By grade 12 she was in a committed relationship with a much older guy. We were studying together one evening and found ourselves overwhelmed by chemistry. We had an odd relationship for the next year or so, denying to everyone else that we were a couple but admitting to each other that we were in love. All the while she's still seeing the older guy. There was a song that was popular at the time, "Torn Between Two Lovers", that she really related to.
In the end I decided I wanted all or nothing and called it quits. Not long after that I realized that she was 'sowing her wild oats' -- she knew she was going to marry the older guy but since she'd been with him since she was 15 or 16 she wanted to get all the curiosity out of her system. They've been married for over 30 years, and as near as I can tell it's been a happy one. We reconnect every few years, enjoy our history, but have never crossed any lines since she married.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 October 2014):
 Unless her boyfriend knows she's making out with you, you are her boytoy thing on the side. It's not a unique friendship, she's cheating on him.
Lots of people are cheaters and wind up having their little secret on the side. Normally it's something that has to be kept hidden so the current boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't find out but generally this stuff gets out and people wind up hurt.
Do you want her as a girlfriend or not? Do you want a girlfriend? What's your motivation? Having this piece of her that her boyfriend doesn't know about may be a bit of a thrill, lots of people try to do that, but once the object of their desire is single, the thrill goes away and they don't actually date the bit on the side.
If you say you've come to terms with it, why the need for advice? I think the real reason you are here is because you can't actually talk about this with friends and so have to ask for 'some input and some advice' on this.
So here's my input. She's a cheater and you are the one assisting her in that. My advice is make sure she doesn't have any cold sores and has been tested for STDs because many are spread through oral contact. Consider how this 'unique friendship'/'cheating' is keeping you from forming a real relationship. Perhaps it's a way to avoid that. You said you were bummed she's in a relationship when you were in Cancun. So you're setting yourself up for some humiliation here, eventually.
Sorry, it's not a 'unique friendship.' It's cheating.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2014): This I could never understand. Making out is cheating. Do you think her boy friend would be very happy if he found out she is making out with another man? And does he know she went on vacation with you for the whole 2 weeks? Without him?
I can't imagine if i told my boyfriend thati am going on vacation with another man. He would probably broke up with me that same minute.
Also it's not like you are her long time friend, like childhood friend or classmate. You just met 6 months ago.
There is nothing unique about this situation. U are making out with a girl who has a boyfriend. You know she is in a relationship , and yet you still go for it . This story is a sold as this world.
She on another hand is a serial cheater as she did before.
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