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We live with his mother and she's driving me craaaaaazy!!!!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family, Marriage problems, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 February 2007) 4 Answers - (Newest, 25 February 2007)
A female United States age 36-40, *tephanie19 writes:

Ok my husband and i have lived in his mothers house for about 7 months and i have hated it sence we have moved in here. his mother is ocd and she is really getting on my nerves she is always telling me to tell her and anyone what i think about things and to not hold them in. Well i did, i told her that i do not like how she just does what ever she wants and see my husband brandon has another daughter jade and she thinks that she is her mother she tells jade and me to not tell jade what to do and i want to know how does that work i am now her step mother, i should be able to tell her what to do.

Now she does not listen to me ever, she does not even listen to her dad, she runs to her ama and papa when she wants something and if she does ask us something and we say no she crys and they give it to her. Brandon does not even care i get mad becuase whats the point of him trying o be a father to her if he cant even put his foot down he says he is ust to his mother doing what ever she wants so why bother his famious words.

Since we moved in here our realitionship has gone downhill a lot, we never fought ever. We do all the time now and I hate it. I love him so much and sometimes i just dont say anything but that does not make it better. We have no sex life becuase i am always stressed out, i take care of our son all day then i have to deal with her shit. We get along, she just gets into stuff that is none of her bisness like i and my husband where helping jade with her homework and she came down and told us that we have no right to make her sit there for an hour straight and make her do her homework, it is too long for a 9 year old to be sitting there.

Well her homework did not get done and jade got to eat ice cream. Ooooooooh i could just go on and on what should i do? Should i move out with the baby till my husband can get a place or stick it out. I really need help i am going crazyyyyyyyyyy

View related questions: moved in, sex life

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A female reader, dulcecubana20 Cuba +, writes (25 February 2007):

I would really get out of there, but make sure that your husband and kids follow with you. Mother in laws are usually always sticking their noses in partners lives. A lot of times though they are just wanting to help out, but it can be really bothersome. If your husband isn't ready to move out of mommy and daddy's house I would really question the thought of is he still ten or is he a man. You both have your kids, and you are married so you should get your own place together. I hope everything works out alright!

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A female reader, Sadi +, writes (25 February 2007):

Sadi agony auntWOW.... I was once in your EXACT situatioin... And believe me, my marriage ALMOST hit rock bottom... This is what you need to do...

Sit down with your mother in law, and your husband ( WITHOUT jade around ) and basically say that you love everyone in the household, and you love your husband to death.. Then tell them how seriose you are about the way you feel... such as this... Your mother in law needs to stop being ms. stick stuck up the butt, and get along.. that you have your won way of living, but you still respect her way... And also, you need to tell her that she is not jades mom... One thing that REALLY PISSED me off when i was in ur situation.... every1 would ALWAYS tell me how to be a mom... You need to put an end to that NOW... If not, things will only get worse.. Tell your hubby that You CAN make it on your own.. and say you will givi it a week, and if nothing has changed,,, leave....

That way they know how seriouse you really are... And you need to be able to have your family back... If all goes well, have grama babysit for a night, and get a break. ( sounds like you both need time to yourself ) Have a date, and have it end up at a hotel, just the two of you... If you take my advice.. I PROMISE YOU... 10 lbs will feel like it has been lifted off your shoulders...

If nothing changes in a week, you need to leave.. If not, Nobody will ever take you seriously...

:) good luck

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A female reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT United Kingdom +, writes (25 February 2007):

BEEN THERE DONE IT agony auntLiving with a mother-in-law must be one of the hardest things to do in life.. You don't want to upset your husband as it is his mum but at the same time she needs to respect your now his wife, you married him not her as well. As for Jade if you tell her to do something and the mother-in-law doesn't agree she should tell you on your own not in front of the child as it sounds she can now play one against the other...That really is not fair on you or your husband you are the parents and your mother-in-law should be backing you in front of Jade(only later when Jade is in bed should you all as adults discuss it)I don't think sitting doing 1 hour of home work at 9 yrs old is bad sitting watching tv or playing computer games is and I bet she does that alot like most kids, I would tell your husband that you really can not take much more of this you love him and care about his mother and therefore suggest you all sit down as adults and discuss ways to resolve the proble. Jade and your little boy need as stable enviroment to grow up in with rules if this can not be resolved between you all then I would tell his mum that you will have to move out as it is not a healthy enviroment to be in for yourselves and your children, I am sure she loves her grandchildren dearly and only wants the very best for them but she can enjoy them weekends and vists..goodluck

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A female reader, AskEve United Kingdom +, writes (25 February 2007):

AskEve agony auntYou really need to have a serious talk with your husband and I think that is going to be harder than you think. He doesn't seem to be bothered about all this going on, in fact I'd say he was totally oblivious to it all. You have to try and find a time to tell him exactly how you're feeling. Tell him that you're at your wits end and you can't live like this any more.

I don't think he's going to come up with a solution so you need to have a few ideas up your sleeve but I agree with you, if you want your marriage to work you need to find a place of your own. Whether you buy a place or rent is up to yourselves depending on your income but you need some place and soon.

Once you've both found somewhere for you all to live then you tell your mother in law. (Incidentally, don't be too hard on her as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a hard thing to live with, both for her and the ones she's closest too.) I also suggest you talk seriously with your husband about Jade. You said she looks to her gran as her mother, it may be better that she stays with her for the time being, but that is only a suggestion.

I wish you all the very best with this, it's not going to be an easy task for you as your husband seems to lack motivation and is quite happy for his mother to "do her own thing." Put your foot down, even if it means you and your baby moving out first okay?

Eve

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