A
female
age
22-25,
daisyb212
writes:my partner (31) and i have been together 9 months he has a 9 yr old little girl who lived in another town with her mother, her mother said she couldn't cope anymore and came and dumped the little girl at my partners work last sunday. we live in a small flat with just two bedrooms, one for me and him, one for his 21 yr old flat mate! flat mate can't move out til december so we are sleeping in the living room while she has our bedroom, anyways its just been a bit stressful, we both work, and are both full time students! obviously we are putting the little girl first, trying to sort out legal responsibility, housing and child benefits etc etc! the mother is a very difficult woman! anyway, point is i feel slightly selfish, i haven't talked to my partner about it yet as its only been a week or so since this all happened and little girl is priority but i am trying to get the head round the fact that this is going to change my/our lives forever! I am only 24 and i love my partner and i will always be there for him, both of them, but i guess when i'm alone i find myself grieving for the relationship we had, the time alone, just being able to talk, have noticed there is so much we can't talk about as its not suitable around kids, just normal money stuff, things that happen at work or uni etc etc. I think she is better off with us than her mother, but u know, i suppose at some point my bf needs to acknowledge that this is gona be a big change for me! he has always been a father, and a good one, we usually had her every second weekend and time during the holidays, but this is much bigger, i basically am a step mother now, full time, and i'm in shock a bit i guess! know just have to deal with it and move forwards which is fine, just hope i'm ready for this! sure i am, just v confused! arghh i don't know what my prob is, just my life is changing i guess, n i never had any control over it....
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at work, flatmate, money Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): Hey, I was just thinking, could the childs mom be throwing the spanner in the works because she is jelous that he has found happiness?
I think you are very brave and understandably flumaxed. Everyone needs time to adjust, especially to big resposibilities and unexpected ones at that! Perhaps you should discuss the effect this has had on you both with each other, make him understand that it cant be an easy ride for you or the child.
Your doing a grand job. I hope that things work out.
A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (22 October 2007):
 Hi. Being a father of an eight-year-old, and trying to juggle a relationship with a woman for the last year and a half, I can relate to your situation.
You sound like a very thoughtful person. You have been thrust into a situation that can be very trying but yet very rewarding.
I've found that if you can find activities that get everyone involved are helpful. If the girl is involved in school activities - sports, music, etc., this can help her and give you and her father something to be involved with. If she's not active that way, I'd get her active. It's good for her to feel important and to know that you both care for her and her life. Being abandoned by her mother has got to be difficult for her to understand.
At age 7, she should be in bed by 9, so that can be the time you and her father can spend quality time together.
If you want it to work, it will.
Best wishes to you.
- P
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 October 2007):
 Of course you feel confused and overwhelmed. Most women have nine months to adjust to the idea of being a full time mother! I hope your partner can understand how you are feeling. After the flat mate moves out you will feel you have more privacy and can establish a routine. You will feel more in control of your life as well. Let the dust settle and see how things shake out. Life is about changes, you'll be just fine I'm sure. Keep us posted, honey.
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