A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need this advice before the end of today. Me and my boyfriend had a disagreement and we have not spoken for a week and three days. Even though he was at fault I was willing to forgive him so I called him last Thursday but no response. I did leave a message and sounded calm so that he knows I'm cool. He is a very intense person and when something bothers him it really weighs him down to the point where sometimes he shuts out.Anyhow his birthday is tomorrow. Before our fight I was to travel to go see him plus its a holiday weekend. Well I'm not gonna go down anymore.My question is what would you do? Give him a call, text or email him to say happy birthday or do nothing at all? If you do think i should say happy birthday, should i use the usual"babe""love you" sentiments? I'm not a mean person but what he do actually warrants a break up especially if he is hiding and not trying to work things out with me.
View related questions:
a break, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): OP- why are you so caught up in the drama? Do you like the drama? The pain of it all? If so, why?
Its unhealthy, hurtful, destructive and these are not elements of a happy, loving relationship.
I second the END IT and walk away. You willing to do that?
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 November 2011):
I really do think you need to end this.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk so I did not call or text him Happy Birthday. This is so unlike me. I don't see myself that mean to the point of not even wishing him happy birthday. Thoughts of how we enjoyed his birthday together last year keeps surfacing in my mind and I am feeling really down now as I miss him so much. I am tempted to call but a part of me is saying "NO", I always break our fight, it is high time he stepped up to the plate and be a man for once. Unless he wants this relationship to just go down the drain, he needs to call me and we can harsh it out.
Guys, I snooped around in his email and caught him doing something I dont like. Although I don't have proof that anything stupid is going on, I confronted him and this is why we are where we are now. Mind you, he has changed his password twice because I always snooped. I realize he is a changed man compared to when we first started dating but then he slipped and did something stupid again. Is he not calling me because he is fed up of the snooping. I did promise I was going to stop invading his privacy the last time. Could this justify the long silence?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): Having his FACEBOOK password? Checking in on him? Yah its times to stop all the drama. He hand selected you so he can play these unhealthy, unstable games with you and you are going along.
It IS OVER. This is clearly a very unstable and unhealthy man. Anyone can 'do nice' for months and then the true colours start to show.
HIS ACTIONS reveal what he is.
Why are you even hanging in there after all the BS Games?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/internet-cheating----harder-to-get.html
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): What happend? is it ok now? x
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 November 2011):
 calling from an unknown number
hang ups etc
all too Juvenile for my taste
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank-you for all your comments. He is Indeed alive because he has been updating his fb status and since i have his email password i am able to see he has been checking it.
Whats funny is on Sunday I got five missed calls from an unknown number and on the sixth I answered and no response. My gut says its him. And with you all this is way too long, even if he was scared it should not take more than four days for anyone to pick up the phone and call to check up on their loved one.
I'm not cool with this at all. I think i smell a painful breakup because the relationship have been great except for this confusion. Have he had enough of me snooping around his privacy and catching him in lies?
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 November 2011):
 Hmm, when I was a teenager, if a guy didn't contact me in a week we were over. Not because I was mad at being ignored, but if you leave someone hanging for a week or more that clearly shows you aren't interested!
When you drop off the face of earth like this man, then maybe he's still living as a teenager and not an adult. Teenagers rules apply: he's not contacted you in over a week, consider yourself dumped.
Just call his family first to check that he is indeed alive and well, and not fainted in the bathroom (if this is the first time he poofs for this long).
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 November 2011):
yeah I agree it's too long. He's done and if he's not you should be.
let it go. do nothing.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 November 2011):
 I agree with CaringGuy. It's ridiculously immature to have a disagreement and just shut you out like that for that long. Especially ignoring you after you tried to make peace. I think if he wants to play like that, let him have all the space he wants. Meaning leave him to his immaturity and go find someone who is capable of being in an adult relationship.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2011): I agree that this is totally an emotional abusive/controlling dynamic going on here.
BF starts an arguement, explodes, gives you the silent treatement and you are the one trying to win back his attention/affection?
Thats a manipulative/abusive trait for sure.
He can't even be adult, loving with you and extend his hand in apology and do his best to make things 'right'. As a healthy, accountable male who loves his Parnter would WANT to do.
He doesn't want to do that so this is not LOVE. Love is a verb and his actions are VOID of Love.
I second the whole CUT HIM LOSE!
Peace Out!
...............................
A
female
reader, natmarie +, writes (9 November 2011):
 Three weeks and two days is to much.
The guy ia hard work. Send him ONE text wishing him Happy Birthday , and if that dones;t pull him out of his mood, don;t do anything else.. Just respond after that if he does. You need some peace.. this guy might not be able to give it to you. I would start extracting myself from the relationship if I was you.He sounds self absorbed and selfish. if you do get back with him , set boundaries and show him you will not put up wih his behaviour. It;s really not fair on you. let me know how it goes. Nx
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 November 2011):
I wouldn't do a thing to be honest. You two have had an argument, and he was at fault. Since then you've gone out of your way to call him and he's not contacted you at all.
My advice?
Think really carefully about whether you want to be with a man who clearly can't handle relationships. Perhaps the next call you make and the next message you leave needs to be one telling him that he's shown you can't be with him, and that it's over.
I don't like Drama Queens and Primadonnas. There are a few too many people in this world who think they can control someone and treat them badly.
Time to end it, I think.
...............................
|
