A
female
age
41-50,
*'m a Southern Marie
writes:This day in time people do not take marriage seriously or treasure the moment of being with someone for the rest of our lives. Well I am that old time thinker that love is romatic but the man I have been with for the last 7 years does not think that way. For 7 years we haven't celebrate our anniversary. Well the only person I can blame is my self. Now I'm trying to think about what can we do? We have been working non stop to create our own business and get it off the ground. It is very difficult to share your feelings with someone that is unemotional. I do not see life without him. So the question what should I do for our anniversary?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (15 July 2010):
I commend your loyalty and persistence!
I'm also impressed that you are adjusting to the situation as it is, rather than complaining over what it is not. You probably came into the marriage with some ideas of what the "husband tasks" and "wifely duties" were "supposed" to be. For right or wrong, good or bad, you realize that it's not working out that way. So let him know - respectfully, politely, understandingly - that even though you'd like HIM to plan the celebration, you realize that he doesn't want to so YOU stepped in to make sure that there would be a celebration!
For most of our anniversary celebrations (number 36 is a month away), my wife and I have celebrated with a nice meal. "Nice" has varied from time to time. In the midst of young kids, "nice" was just about anything by ourselves, away from the house! When we were in the middle of unemployment, "nice" has been an all-you-can-eat buffet or a local pancake house. (As I recall, they were celebrating a remodeling or something and had mailed two-for-one coupons to everyone in our end of town.) Usually, though, it has been a place where it wasn't inappropriate to be slightly dressy - someplace where I can show her off in one of the bridesmaid dresses she has accumulated, or (more recently) the mother-of-the-bride dress she wore at our daughter's wedding.
It sounds like you need a bit more than an anniversary celebration. Use it as a mini-vacation to get away from the details of life and the business, and spend time being with - really BEING WITH - each other. One time we found a downtown hotel that had a real good deal on a weekend getaway - a night or two in a room, a couple meals, and some admission tickets to local touristy things. We have rented rustic cabins in some nearby state parks. One time we spent a whole day wandering through the museums here in St Louis. Once we rode the train to Springfield, Ill and spent the day in all the Lincoln locations. For all of these we had loose schedules, things we could do or not as we chose, and plenty of time to just spend together.
Once we celebrated by riding the "Midnight Ramble" bicycle tour. It wasn't an anniversary celebration, but one time we rode an overnight train to visit relatives. We splurged to get a private sleeping room - they aren't cheap! But it was romantic to be traveling in our own private world, going to - well, does it matter where? Eventually we turned down the lights, opened the curtains and made love while the world rushed past.
I also get to mark mini-anniversaries with her. We were married in the church where her parents have been members for about 80 years. We concluded our wedding service with the short music variously known as "Old 100", or "Doxology":
"Praise God from Whom all blessings flow . . . "
And she HAS been a wonderful blessing! So when we visit her folks, and find ourselves in that church after a service or some other gathering, I take her to the spot at the front of the sanctuary where we stood as we were first introduced as "Mister and Missus". I take her hands in mine as we did while we recited vows, and sing that short piece. Occasionally we have been observed; hardly anybody besides us knows the personal significance of that little exercise. And . . . it's a WONDERFULLY effective way to embarrass the heck out of your kids who may be present!
I don't expect you to mimic that. I tell it as a suggestion that maybe you could create some little ceremony that's significant and meaningful to you two, as something you could do on your anniversary to reaffirm your commitments to each other.
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