A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 29 and my girlfriend is 26. She's a virgin, specifically never had sex, kissed, or even had a boyfriend before me so I do know a lot of stuff makes her nervous. She told me all this after our first kiss. I told her I would be fine with not having sex until she felt ready, but now we've been dating for 9 months. We haven't even progressed past kissing and I'm getting a little frustrated. I'm still okay waiting for sex, but it is frustrating to me when all we're still doing is making out. The last time I tried to slip my hand somewhere she stopped me and I haven't tried or asked about it since. I also haven't brought up any of my feelings on this to her and I'm not even sure if I should. Any advice or guidance would be appreciated.
View related questions:
kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2019): Well first off stop trying to slip your hands places just to see if she lets you. You have to discuss it first. Especially with someone who has made it clear they feel nervous about doing more.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2019): I find it odd that you never mentioned love in your post, even once. What is your end game with this girl? You know that it seems strange to me, that a 29 year old man has gone nine months w/o sex, so are you banging another girl? You made a deal with your virgin, to wait for sex until she is ready. Why have you not told her your feelings? If you need to renegotiate the deal, maybe you should explain your feelings and second thoughts and objections, to the only person, in the world, who can change the terms of the deal, along with you! If I were a man and in your place, I would assure your girlfriend that you will not penatrate her, until she asks you to do that. Then you both strip naked, and get on the bed, and with your hands and mouths, explore each others body, learning the terrain, and how to enjoy giving pleasure, to the other! The intimacy and bonding,will lead the way to a much closer relationship! Your girlfriend is an unprotected virgin, so when she asks you to fuck her, make sure to use condoms!
...............................
A
female
reader, KeW  +, writes (4 July 2019):
 Hello,
I understand why this is an issue for you, but you may find that you're not compatible with this lady. She seems to need more time to feel secure making herself vulnerable like that and you are getting frustrated by it. Both are valid, but don't necessarily match well.
Communication is very important, OP. She may have childhood trauma or just not be ready yet. Sex is a big decision that can't be rushed. Waiting is emotionally and physically easier than the consequences of rushing.
Once you move past kissing, it's unlikely to continue slowly. Many would feel sexually teased by going further but not as far as sex and you're not as happy waiting as you're trying to convince yourself you are or you probably wouldn't be here asking this.
None of this means you have to stay, just that there are many reasons she could be hesitant about such a major step in your relationship and her life in general, and not communicating openly about it will only cause more resentment.
You haven't mentioned wanting sex because of how you feel about her, just that you feel you should be having sex after 9 months of dating someone. Perhaps this is not the young woman for you?
I think it would be wise for you to think about what you want and whether you want her or if you "just" want someone who will have sex sooner than she will. Once you decide what you want and whether she fits that or not, it would be best to discuss it calmly and without trying to place blame. Maybe there's a compromise or maybe this relationship isn't right for either of you.
Best of luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 July 2019):
 You have to start being honest, with her and yourself.
If you aren't REALLY willing to WAIT for her to be ready, then end it and move on to someone who IS ready for it.
You aren't OWED sex because you are dating. For many (I'd say MOST) young people your age sex IS part of a relationship, especially after 9 months. However, not all relationships are the same.
You can't SET a timer on WHEN she should be ready. You CAN set a timer on how long you want stay with her.
You seem VERY focused on the sex part. You don't mention how well you two get along or whatnot. So maybe SEX is more important to you, than you let on.
She might actually feel you are pressuring her when you tried to grope, but SHE hasn't told you that either. Just like you have told her how you feel about waiting.
If you REALLY do care for her, stop with the making out a while, pull back on all the "foreplay" kind of stuff. Let her know if she ASKS why you no longer kiss and make out that you find it hard to kiss and make out and just stop there, so it's better to NOT even start it.
Let her set the tempo OR.... move on to someone who wants what you want.
...............................
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (4 July 2019):
Question...
Are you with her for love or sex?? If you are with her for sex, then dump her and find someone who just want sex. If you are with her for love...then keep your relationship destroyer in your pants and wait.
Look around you...How many relationships and marriages do you see falling apart because of sex?? People start having sex, and the whole relationship becomes all about sex and how many times you have it or not have it. Look at you...It has been 9 months and no sex. Did we hear about 9 months and no love??
You want sex??? Then love her so much that all she wants to do is give you sex all day and night. Better yet..Marry her. Not many virgins left in this world.
Put yourself in her place. Let's say she wanted to shove the biggest dildo up your butt...NOW. Would you just bend over and let her do it?? Or would you want move slowly and take your time?. Well, no matter the size of your penis, to her it is massive. She is expecting pain, and she wants to make sure that you love her enough, before taking that next step.
Even I have to wonder if you love her enough. Because you can count the number of months for no sex, but not for love.
...............................
|
