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We have a lot of growing to do. Should I cut my ties?

Tagged as: Long distance, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 January 2014) 2 Answers - (Newest, 15 January 2014)
A female United States age 26-29, *ayCharles writes:

I spent a few months befriending my now boyfriend. Finally after I started to get over him he came to and we started dating. Things changed in a snap. I was no longer a bro, I was his girl. He is the sweetest guy to me. The kind girls dream of. He would do anything for me (were he not so reliant on his parents, but that's another issue). We have been dating 7 months soon. He's at college an hour and a half away. I am a senior in high school. Communication has been enough to keep us together, and I try to visit whenever I can, but gas isn't cheap and that trip is exhausting for me. We are each other's first and everything, and sex is decently a part of our relationship. Not the whole thing of course, we just enjoy it together, but also find other ways to connect. Here's the dilemma. We are both so young. I love him, of course. But I believe that in my life I will have many loves, and all of them will be important to me. He hasn't experienced any other relationships, and I haven't had one this serious before. In the fall I'll be going to college too, again an hour and a half away. This means neither of us will have a car, so we'll have to see who's dedicated enough to take the train. Over the summer I'll be in another state nannying and he'll be at school working on research. I feel like the communication will block our growth. And then from there, that I will need to fully experience college. By that I don't mean go guy shopping, looking for someone better, but to just be completely free for the first time in my life. He thinks I'm absurd, and that if we take a break he'l just have to try to forget about me because constantly thinking about me would pain him too much. So my question is when and if I should cut my ties. I love him, but know that both of us have a lot of growing to do and I guess deep down hope that if we are meant to be, that we'll eventually come back to one another. Before we can propose spending the rest of our lives together, I think we both need to experience what it's like to be on our own. But what if it backfires and then I want him back, but he's moved on? Or we decide to take a break, and then when he wants me back, I decide I want to stay single? I really need some advice. We are great, phenomenal even, at discussing our issues because our relationship is very open. So we are still working on this, but no conclusions are being drawn yet. I know this is long, so thank you very much.

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (15 January 2014):

rcn agony auntI would say that if you two are meant to be, and if this relationship is a good one, leave it up to fate where to go from here, and how you two will grow. If you love him, and can see yourself being with him, why tempt that by taking a different direction? In this life it is not how many people you experience, but the quality of the experience that you have been blessed to share with another. As you said, if it's meant to be it will be, so why not just leave it at that and explore where this relationship will go.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2014):

You are only a senior in high school with a lot of growth and new experiences ahead of you.

At your age, trying to maintain cohesive relationships is really asking a lot. Especially while the both of you are separated, and have your educations taking up a major part of your time.

I think you are wise beyond your years; and I admire that you realize the inconvenience and impracticality of trying to maintain a long-term relationship; when people your age really should be concentrating on college, making new friends, and establishing your future goals.

It's nice to date, but you are still in early stages of adult development; and getting through the first few years of your formal educations. That is a major time of growth. You hit the nail on the head.

I think you are going to grow to be a very smart and confident woman. You know how to make decisions, set priorities, and seek your desires. This is the time that you take control of your life; and not let people throw you off track. There will be plenty of time for love; but you also need time for yourself. To start your journey through life.

You don't have to completely cut your ties, but firmly chose your path. Don't let others pull you away from your plans and dreams. Don't feel obligated to maintain a relationship that really isn't a major part of your life; while he's so far away, and unable to meet you even halfway.

You must keep focus, and be the master of your fate. He is attending college and establishing his way. You have every right to do the same, and set your own agenda.

Keep in touch when you want, and when you can. There is no reason to go no contact; unless you feel it is the only way you can maintain course. You can't cater to his wishes, your life is just beginning. He is already in the midst of the demanding life of collegiate life; you will have a lot of adjustments to make your first couple of years. Your studies will place enough demands on your time, and concentration.

Stick to your guns.

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