A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Long story short, I met a guy and we ended up having sex. I'm married. Now he threatens to tell my husband if I don't do what he wants, when he wants. How do I get out of this? Please help me. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): Please do not assume I know what I'm talking about, I am far from an expert, but if you really do not want to be with this man you had an affair with any longer and your husband and you are truly in love then I feel that you should tell your husband about this affair and remind him of your vows "for better or for worse". People always seem to forget that part. :( Anyway if you and your husband were meant to be together you will work it out no promises, actually he most likely wont understand in the beginning but as I mentioned before if it was meant to be it will be.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): Would it really be soooo bad if your lover told your hb about your cheating ways? Nah!!!
Somehow I don't think u know what doing the honorable thing is.
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): Got interrupted and didn't finish my statement earlier.
Then, tell you husband you need to go to counseling, WITH him, not because of him, but because of you.
If he refuses to go, tell him you need it to happen, and you want it to happen, and you want and need it to happen now.
In the letter you write to him, but mail to yourself, make sure that you tell him what happened with the other guy threatening you and demanding continuation and the steps you took to end the contact and preserve the relationship with husband.
You can give him the letter after you have entered counseling together and have established the problems you are/were having so that he understands.
Seem difficult?
Well, odds are that your husband will leave you, but at least you will have done the right thing.
On the other hand, if you don't love your husband, and you want out of the marriage, tell him you want a divorce and separate and get out of the marriage.
Don't torture him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): Write a letter to your husband, confessing the affair, seal it, date it, mail it to yourself and don't open it. This will establish the date you broke off the affair.
Tell the other man he is never to contact you again and that you don't want him bothering you ever again.
Never see the other man again and tell him he is never to call you, see you, call your husband, your house, your workplace, ever, under any circumstances or there will be consequences legally.
Tell him you will call the police and get a restraining order if necessary.
Don't let him touch you again.
Then,
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (3 November 2010):
Take responsibility for your actions and tell your husband.
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A
female
reader, MsVick +, writes (3 November 2010):
 Tell your husband then this jerkwad has no power over you at all. Though I have to ask myself does he really want to tell your hubby and maybe get himself hurt in the process? Who knows probably better to tell your hubby.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): BE HONEST WITH YOUR HUSBAND IMMEDIATELY, and while the truth willtaint trust it will simultaneously contribute to the path to regained his trust as the truth is being delivered to him by you first hand....NEXT....IMMEDIATELY STOP ALL CONTACT WITH THAT EVIL, VINDICTIVE, RUTHLESS, HEARTLESS MAN UNDESERVANT OF EVEN BEING DEEMED BACTERIA! That he is even capable of, let alone, blackmailing, coercing, retaliating or threatening to act in this deplorable manner speaks volumes about how he cares nothing at all about you! It is not his decision to determine your punishment; That's God's job and even then God would punish you constructively not by destroying you life~HONESTY SUSTAINS and REBUILDS TRUST~
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A
female
reader, The_Nameless +, writes (2 November 2010):
 I would not call his bluff, as one poster suggested. I don't know if that was a joke or what...
Be honest. Tell your husband that you cheated. Take that power FROM this jerk. Furthermore, it's just the right thing to do.
I confessed to a guy who ... loved me to death (but was not my boyfriend). It hurt him, but we are even closer now. I'm not saying that will be the outcome; I just mean that, no matter the outcome, it's better that your husband hear it from you than from the jerk (as another poster already mentioned). Plus, you're an adult, and he's your husband. He's owed that much.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): Tell your husband. Tell your husband it was a mistake and it will never happen again. You can't keep putting yourself in the control of this other man. I hope it works out for you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 November 2010):
 Fess up. He has absolutely NO HOLD on you if you tell your husband.
Now you know, cheating has repercussions.
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A
female
reader, happy24birthday +, writes (2 November 2010):
 Depending on the circumstances, you could try calling his bluff. If your husband doesn't know this guy, why would he believe some random person who's telling him his wife cheated?
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (2 November 2010):
 Yes, the best way to stop somebody from blackmailing you is to take away their power. Telling your husband is the best way to do that. You may not like that answer, but you have to understand that there is no easy way out of this one. You need to tell him and deal with the consequences of your actions.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (2 November 2010):
 Hoepfully this is a learning experience about cheating.
Your husband will be far more angry if the guy tells him than if you do. Or, you can be blackmailed into doing what this guy wants.
If you have evidence that he is trying to blackmail you, you could call the cops - but again, your husband would then find out, and he would be far more angry than if you confess on your own.
In short, you can't "get out of this," and even trying is a very childish thing to do. Actions have consequences. Only hope to save your marriage is to confess and beg for forgiveness.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (2 November 2010):
 I don't really see any way out of this. But don't you think your husband would prefer to hear the truth from you rather than the man who is a threat to him? Secrets don't stay secrets very long, best to confess up before it blows up in your face.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (2 November 2010):
 You got yourself in this situation, you're the only one who can get yourself out.
Better to tell your husband than him do it..how long will you go on letting this man blackmail you and treat you like a slave?
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A
female
reader, lacrymosa_652  +, writes (2 November 2010):
 You have to tell your husband the truth. You cannot let this other man use you and blackmail you. If you come clean, you run the risk of losing your husband, but it's better than living with this weight on your shoulders and feeling down and stressed all the time. You never know, your husband may forgive you. But don't let this other man abuse you like this.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 November 2010):
 No other choice but to tell your husband yourself.
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