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We had planned to go to a party but my behaviour seems to have scared him off!

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Question - (30 October 2016) 4 Answers - (Newest, 16 November 2016)
A female Japan age 22-25, anonymous writes:

i was a fat awkward teenager, and was new to a school where i got bullied by a guy and girl , a lot. But i moved on and let things go.Recently after 10 years the guy got back in touch with me.Initially i did not feel like talking to him, because i did not forget those bad memories, but soon we became such good friends, spoke over whatsapp all the time.He recently visited my city and happened to come to my house with a friend . He wanted to go out but i insisted on staying home and drinking.Soon i was extremely high, and dont remember what i did.But apparently told him that he was the other girls bitch before but now he is my bitch,and later my flatmates asked him and his friend to leave.I was meeting him after ten years, ruined his night where he wanted to party, got him thrown out of my house in the middle of the night. We had a plan to go to a party next day, but he dint invite me for it the next day.

Though he hasnt been rude about that night with me, he definitely doesnt seem ok.I am feeling anxious.Did i piss him off? will he be friends again with me?

View related questions: bullied, flatmate

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A female reader, Eagle'sfan1986 United States +, writes (16 November 2016):

I am terribly sorry that the guy and the girl pick on you when you used to weigh a lot more back in high school. And that you couldn't stop thinking about it when you ran into the guy who made your life so miserable ten years ago. I say he got what he deserves when you gave him his own medicine when you told he was the girls' bitch. He taunt you ten years ago. You only got even what with him. It like this what comes around goes around. Find new people to talk to instead.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2016):

I think that you're both even now. He bullied you in high school - I guess that you weren't truly over those emotions and these things have a way of bursting out when one is drunk. I don't think your behaviour was appalling but it certainly must have made things awkward and inconvenient for him.

As you're feeling remorseful, get back in touch with him and apologise. It might help if you get everything that you feel off your chest. Don't let the fear of him not validating your emotions rule your mind.

You're giving him control over your emotions - it looks like you've not allowed him to relinquish that control over you since high school.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (31 October 2016):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntUnder the influence of alcohol, all the hurt surfaced from when you were a child at school, when you were bullied by this guy, and you said what was on your mind.

Do you really want to see this guy, considering what bad memories he brings up? I'm sure, in your place, I would want minimum (if any) contact with him.

I don't think your worry should be whether you pissed him off but why you are so desperate to be friends with someone who made your life hell when you were vulnerable. Find friends who you can make better memories with, not one who drags up such bad ones.

I think he got no more than he deserved on that night. Your behaviour may have been bad (you really need to slow down on the drinking if you can't remember what happened as that could put you in all sorts of danger in future - is this drinking related to the bullying you suffered because, if it is, you need help to put the past behind you) but has he ever apologised for what he did to you? I really don't think your future is with this guy.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (31 October 2016):

Ciar agony auntNo, I don't think he will be friends with you after this. If the man has any class, any self respect at all, you will never hear from him again.

Your behaviour was appalling. It isn't a simple case of pissing him off. It's that your actions made you look very low class and not someone he wants to have in his life.

I really think you need to re-evaluate your alcohol consumption. He met up with you to go out somewhere, which is what normal people do. Instead you insisted on staying home and getting drunk. This isn't how you treat people.

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