A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HiIve been dating a guy for a little over a year now. We see each other every weekend and once maybe twice through the week. We have an amazing sex life and we enjoy each others company, we have the same interests and everything is just great.About two months ago we went on a night out and booked into a hotel to save paying for a taxi home. We were both drunk and we invited a couple back to our hotel room for more drinks. They told us that they'd always wanted to swap partners for the night and stupidly (and drunkenly) I agreed. My partner thought it was an amazing idea (as they do!) so we all ended up having sex together. I will admit it was a good night, but I thought it was a one off, just an experience, which I'm not bothered about doing again but while lying in bed with my partner the night after, he said it turned him on when me and the girl were performing oral sex on him together and the guy was having sex with me at the same time, whereas I felt jealous of the girl touching my partner without me touching him at the same time. He said he loved the way I was jealous because it made him feel wanted by both of us. He is talking of doing this again but I don't want to. I try to avoid the subject every time he mentions it, which is pretty much every time we see each other! He doesn't understand that I don't want to share him again!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 April 2014):
 You must tell him.
No harm no foul... you tried it (big of you) and you didn't like it... that's fine... but NOT telling him is not fine.
I was a swinger. I was very open and sharing in my last marriage... in fact, I met my current husband while married to my ex husband. They know each other... both were aware of what was going on and when my last marriage broke up my then boyfriend (now husband) just assumed we would be swingers... guess what... NO... just NO i'm not sharing this one and I don't care if others think it unfair.
AND he accepts it just fine... he thought he was getting a swinger... he found out otherwise... and he's fine with not sharing.
So the key is... you don't want to and must tell him and he MUST respect that. IF he does NOT respect it and keeps bugging you for it (one or two more checks I would let him get away with but every time you say
"I already told you NO and If you persist in asking/begging, I will have to end the relationship as it's NOT going to happen again!"
then do it... if he can't respect you enough to respect your feelings and your desires.. then he's not worth it.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 April 2014):
 Don't beat around the bush. TELL him.
And remember JUST because you two tried it once DOESN'T mean you have to try it again.
But also remember that he might not stop trying to push for it, so avoiding it isn't going to do any good, for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2014): Tisha's right. Of course he's not going to understand because you haven't told him.
Just be open and honest with him that it was a one off and is not going to happen again.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 April 2014):
 He doesn't understand that you don't want to do it again because you are avoiding the subject. He thinks it was fun and that you were okay with it.
As you are not okay with it, you will have to be honest, open and frank with him about it, so that he DOES understand your position.
If he cannot get that it's not going to happen again with you and that's a problem for him, well, that's HIS problem to deal with. Don't allow it to become your problem.
Be honest. Communicate. Woman up.
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