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We had anal sex, and I hurt her, now she is too afraid to try it again, how do I regain her trust and assure her that I will not hurt her again, if we have anal sex??

Tagged as: Health, Sex, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 August 2008) 13 Answers - (Newest, 1 September 2008)
A male United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

How do i earn my fiances trust to do anal again? My fiance always loved it when i toyed with her from behind, and when we finnially did anal it went well and she loved it but i accidentally went to deep and hurt her. I felt absolutely terrible that i did and she wasnt the slightest bit mad but now shes terrified of anal but still likes the feeling. How do i get her to trust that i wont hurt her again?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2008):

if she still wants anal but is afraid it will hurt a)dont pressure her b)slowly start moving ur fingers gently towards that area so that she knows u can be gentle c)let her initiate it. if she enjoys it then eventually she will ask you to give it to her.

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (14 August 2008):

Yos agony auntIf she still wants to try it and is into the idea then i suggest you lie flat on your back and she can sit over you. As long as you don't move she has complete control and make make sure things don't go too fast / far / deep etc. And yes ... use lots of lube.

But if she doesn't want to do it, don't pressure her. From the guys point of view, it's almost all in the mind, it's the girl who has more to deal with.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

well i must agree i am bein a bit selfish.... i wont try it aain for a ood lon while, but the point is she wants to, but is afraid it will hurt again.

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A female reader, lena1 United States +, writes (12 August 2008):

lena1 agony auntif she did not like is beter you don"t impose the idea so can both of you be happy!!and use her virginia which will make both of u happy!!it is beter when you both enjoy having sex not only one part!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008):

Practice on yourself, when you get it so it doesn't hurt you, you can try it on her. Use a dildo the size of your penis so it is as near to the real act as possible.

Men's and women's anus's are pretty much the same, except that men's prostrate are so near the entry of the anus that a man can achieve an orgasm with this action better than a woman who has no prostrate to stimulate.

If you find this extremely unpleasant and painful, you will have a good understanding of why your girlfriend doesn't want to do it. Perhaps you should stop watching anal porn while your at it, your mind would eventually forget wanting this silly action.

BTW, anal sex is not harmless. You can permanently damage the very delicate anus.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008):

The solution is no more anal sex for you; use her vagina.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008):

You are being selfish. If she hurt you, would you want her to do it again? Would you want something the size of a penis in your anus? - I doubt it! Why don't you show her some respect and leave her alone about it. If you can't enjoy sex without it then its YOU with the problem. Why do you have an obsession with the idea? Women generally do not enjoy sex there - its something they either get used to or suffer to please their boyfriends. Stop pushing her or find someone else.

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A male reader, harcourt fenton mudd United States +, writes (12 August 2008):

harcourt fenton mudd agony auntUse LOTS of lube, as in KY or Astroglide, finger her anus and rectum with a large amount of lube on your fingers, go SLOWLY, do NOT quickly jam your fingers into her anus and rectum! The reason she probably freaked out is you went to damned quickly, didn't use lube or enough lube, and IT HURT! Anal sex shouldn't HURT. it can be an amazing thing and feel absolutely amazing if you use fingers slowly first, getting the anus and rectum used to having something stuck up them. 5-10 minutes of gentle massage in the anus and rectum really does help. Take it slowly... You're not running a race to fuck her ass. After a few minutes of fingers inside, anus/rectum warmed up, then again slowly try and put a soft rubber toy like a butt plug in there and get her used to it for 10 minutes or so, help her relax those muscles back there. Remember, too that the human impulse is to push/squeeze anything in our poo hole OUT.

Then, maybe you can slowly try your penis head. Carefully, lubed up anus and rectum again, slowly, lovingly. Rub her neck back and shoulders, kiss her neck, nipples, belly. Relaxation.

Do not shove your whole manhood into her asshole. tip at first for a few minutes, then head, then down a bit more...and have good safe fun!

Another good rule of thumb, health wise is that she needs to douche her rectum and anus before hand to avoid and nasty poopy accidents. A good clean poo hole.

Never have vaginal sex after anal, as anal can put awful germs and bacteria into the vagina, causing nasty infections. If you absolutely must do anal then vaginal, use a condom! Safety first applies when you're playing with the anal area. I hope I helped...!

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A male reader, harcourt fenton mudd United States +, writes (12 August 2008):

harcourt fenton mudd agony auntUse LOTS of lube, as in KY or Astroglide, finger her anus and rectum with a large amount of lube on your fingers, go SLOWLY, do NOT quickly jam your fingers into her anus and rectum! The reason she probably freaked out is you went to damned quickly, didn't use lube or enough lube, and IT HURT! Anal sex shouldn't HURT. it can be an amazing thing and feel absolutely amazing if you use fingers slowly first, getting the anus and rectum used to having something stuck up them. 5-10 minutes of gentle massage in the anus and rectum really does help. Take it slowly... You're not running a race to fuck her ass. After a few minutes of fingers inside, anus/rectum warmed up, then again slowly try and put a soft rubber toy like a butt plug in there and get her used to it for 10 minutes or so, help her relax those muscles back there. Remember, too that the human impulse is to push/squeeze anything in our poo hole OUT.

Then, maybe you can slowly try your penis head. Carefully, slowly, lovingly. Rub her neck back and shoulders, kiss her neck, nipples, belly. Relaxation.

Do not shove your whole manhood into her asshole. tip at first for a few minutes, then head, then down a bit more...and have good safe fun!

Another good rule of thumb, health wise is that she needs to douche her rectum and anus before hand to avoid and nasty poopy accidents. A good clean poo hole.

Never have vaginal sex after anal, as anal can put awful germs and bacteria into the vagina, causing nasty infections. If you absolutely must do anal then vaginal, use a condom! Safety first applies when you're playing with the anal area. I hope I helped...!

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A female reader, Sweet as Honey United Kingdom +, writes (12 August 2008):

Sweet as Honey agony auntI'm gonna give you the same answer as I gave someone else the other day.

Quote;

"It's not normal to stick it where the sun don't shine. There are so many wonderful sex positions you can be experimenting with and it'll always be adventurous, just not penetrative anal sex.

Why anyone would want to excavate through the back door is beyond me.

A long time ago, an ex of mine forced me a few times, and without any lubrication may I add, he was well endowed too, it left me mentally scarred, so whenever I hear of people wanting and/or consenting to anal sex, it just makes my skin crawl.

Women were born with a vagina, it's supposed to be used for sexual intercourse and giving birth, and the anus is for dumping their dinner, not for feeding it."

I don't blame her in the slightest for being afraid, that pain will haunt her, she'll never forget that agony, I'm telling you. It hurts real bad!

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A female reader, pinktopaz United States +, writes (12 August 2008):

You can't guarantee it won't hurt again, because it will. If she doesn't want to do it, then she doesn't want to. If you just leave her alone about it and maybe just ask once further down the line, she may be more open to it. But the more you try and try the more she will resist. After all, it is an outhole, not an inhole.

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A male reader, Collaroy Australia +, writes (12 August 2008):

Collaroy agony auntI cant understand the current obsession with anal myself, I'm curious, why do you feel the need to go anal? Don't you like her vagina? That is where you are supposed to put the love wand my friend.

Stick with that and she will be a happy girl.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008):

it will hurt again. it hurts the first few times you do it but just tell her that the hurt does go away. if you need to you can tell her my story. i hated the idea. didnt even like him touching the area but he was so persistent with it that i put up with the pain. i would take a bunch of pills and just let him do it cause he loves it. but now, it is the most erotic thing. i think we had to do it about 5 times before it actually started to feel good. and now we do it almost every time we make love cause we both love it so much. its a completely different orgasm you get and once you have the first one you want it more and more.

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