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We had a fight, partner hasn't contacted me in 24 hours. Do I have a right to be angry?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 November 2012) 5 Answers - (Newest, 15 November 2012)
A female Australia age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I am just looking for some advice from anyone who might have been in a similar situation. Last night my partner of 4 years and I had a huge fight. We do fight sometimes but usually are a very loving couple. The fight was over me being called lots of names and i got upset about it. My partner then went crazy and threw things. It has been 24 hours and my partner has not come home. The only contact I have had is an email saying 'i am going away dont contact me'. I have no idea where my partner is. I have not text or rung as I dont think i should. I know that sometimes people need cooling off time but I dont know how long is too long. How long should I wait before getting in contact? The fact that I have no idea where my partner is worries me but I know that if I text I will get no reply. Am I right to feel angry?

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A female reader, Staceily United States + , writes (15 November 2012):

Staceily agony auntDoes he have a right to leave without contact for 24 hours? No, he doesn't. Cooling off is one thing, leaving for 24 hours with no way to reach him is immature and unacceptable. Fighting because he called you names? Also unacceptable. You have a right to be angry. And you have a right to be a little scared. Calling you names, throwing shit, then leaving for 24 hours are all very scary behaviors. I agree with Cerberus and say to follow his advice. Don't call or text him. He started the whole fight then blew up like a psychopath.

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A male reader, Cerberus Ireland +, writes (15 November 2012):

Cerberus agony auntSo you have a fight about being called names, he gets violent and starts breaking shit, runs off telling you not to contact him and the thing you're worried about is if he's coming home?

OP you should be packing your stuff and leaving, this guy sounds abusive OP unless the names you were arguing about were things like 'baby' and 'honeycakes'.

OP you're not allowed call your partner names and put them down, it's not a good sign that he would get violent and break shit and while a cooling off period can be normal, I need them for example, no contact is too far and this is too long. I've never called any of my girlfriends names, sure after a break up I may call them things to my friends but name calling and put downs are not acceptable.

When I have a major blow out with my girlfriend, which are pretty rare I'll go to the computer room put on some music and relax for an hour or two before I come out and we resolve things. Last time I was in there for an hour before I got a text from her asking if I wanted a cup of tea.

Maybe I'm getting the wrong end of the stick here OP, but if it really is what I think it is and he calls you names and when you tried to pull him up on that he gets furious and breaks shit before storming off and not contacting you. That's not tolerable OP, that's unacceptable behaviour from a grown man. No names, no put downs, no breaking shit and no childish tantrums including the silent treatment for days. You do know this is an emotional ploy to make you scared of losing him so you'll back down right? You know this is to make you miss him so that we he returns you'll be desperate for him not to go again so you'll basically back down and give him whatever he wants? Pretty sick ploy OP and nothing is going to get resolved either, so he'll still call you names because he's now made you scared to approach that subject again over his crazy reaction.

Again I could be wrong but that's what it looks like from where I'm sitting. be careful not to be his bitch in this and back down if he's doing what I think he's doing, if you do this what he'll what he'll do every time you try to pull him on his behaviour.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012):

It is difficult to say if you should be angry or not because you dont explain why he was calling you names in the first place. I would leave him alone if that is what he has asked you to do because he sounds very angry about something at the moment. Just inform his family/friends of what happened. I am sure one of them will contact him to check hes okay and then let you know.

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A female reader, oldbag United Kingdom +, writes (15 November 2012):

oldbag agony auntHi

It does sound like a pretty bad row, yes he will definately need cooling off time but I understand your concerns about him.

I know he's an adult and can do as he pleases but if your in any way concerned about his welfare,contact his family.They may know where he is and at least put your mind at rest that he is ok if nothing else.

Thats all you can try.

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A female reader, Starlights United Kingdom +, writes (15 November 2012):

Starlights agony auntYes you have right to be angry and so does he have his right to his space..

He obviously will be back when he is ready, but until then you cannot really force the situation.

I suggest you wait until when you feel ready to contact him , and if he doesnt reply it will be something you need to tolerate... allow him his space, it was a very bad fight from what I read.

I guess you can let him know that if you dont hear back from him by a certain point

you will notify the police of him as is missing (worse come to worse).

Goodluck!

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