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We fight every time husband's ex wife calls!

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 May 2010) 7 Answers - (Newest, 25 May 2010)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I am having an issue with my husband's ex wife. They have kids together and I understand that they have to talk about the children. I don't like the fact that she calls him at work and he calls her from work or when she calls him at home, he does it when I'm not around. He said it's because I get so upset. He knows it upsets me and still does it. He will also call and talk to her about something but not talk to his children. I find that really odd. He said he has no desire to be back with her and I try to explain that I know he doesn't want her sexually but that he still has that emotional connection with her and it bothers me. Am I being silly? I can't say anything bad about her because he defends her. We fight every time she calls. What should I do?

View related questions: at work, ex-wife, no desire

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010):

You have to accept that she is going to be around well until least kids gone. So either learn to cope or get out. They only have contact cose the kids. Don't let her get to you it will give her satisfaction knowing she is destroying yor relationship. If your man is honest and trustworthy you have nothing to fear. He will love you more for support than being insecure and nagging.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2010):

my husband has kids from his ex as well ,she used to call him as well continously ,i used to chill out thinking that she will back up and that it`s a matter of time .his kids are over 20 only one is still young 10.one day i told him straight forward ;i don`t want her to call and i don`t want you to talk to her if your kids need anything let them pick the phone call you or send email.thanks god they are not living in the same country . i`m sorry to say that most of the people(male/female) want their ex back when they left and make new family .my husband`s ex cheated on him he divorced her and before he does she took all his money and the house and the car .she refused to sign the divorce papers and he was so mad ,stressed and not willing to stay with her .so he accepted to give anything to get divorce but not himself.now she pushes her kids to call him every minutes to ask for money even if he is still paying the school of the kids and their expenses every month.so please if your husband is getting calls from his ex tell him to stop it or you leave.don`t let her manipulate him and ruin your life.i wish one day my husband understands as well that his kids are looking for money not for him.good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010):

This is word for word my situation. I've been married for 3 months and i guess i just thought the calls would stop after we married. she calls and texts him during the day, almost everyday. They call each night to say good night to the kids, but before hanging up they say good night to each other-- makes me think i had the wool pulled over my eyes, I think this kind of behavior means they still must have feelings for each other. she's done so many mean things to me since weve been together, i wouldnt know where to begin to tell you. I've figured out that his lack of caring of how she makes me feel and his carrying on a relationship with her in this way must mean this is a big clue for me on how much he still cares for her. T

his is my second marriage and i don't want my family disapointed in me for devorcing a second time- or the reputation that comes with it. I made my bed and so did you, so lets lay in it and not give those ex's the satisfaction of knowing how much they get to us!!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

The divorce was mutual and no, I was not in the picture. I do suffer from a self-esteem issue but I've told him several times how it makes me feel and nothing changes. It seems like her feelings are more important than mine. I've suggested marriage counseling but he refuses to go. So, I guess I'll go to counseling alone and hope I can accept this behavior.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010):

My question to you is why does it upset you? Do you trust him? Would you expect that having been married to someone, you *wouldn't* still have some kind of emotional attachment?

If it were me, I would chill out. Allow him to call when you ARE around so you can increase your comfort level by not micromanaging his relationship with her. If he tells you he chose you, and he is a trustworthy guy, then trust him. If he is not a trustworthy guy, then that is a completely separate discussion that you need to work through and has next to nothing to do with conversations with his ex.

Good luck!

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (4 May 2010):

eyeswideopen agony auntI guess you should have cleared all this up before you married the guy. Did he want the divorce or did she? You weren't the cause were you? It sounds like your self-esteem is on the low side. He's your husband now so that's going to have to suffice until the kids are grown, then he will have hardly any need to speak with her.

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (4 May 2010):

YouWish agony auntHe has to keep up a relationship because of the children. She is the mother of his children. That being said, their conversations should be strictly business (i.e. parenting and schedules). A good working relationship is healthy for the kids.

The thing that bugs me is - why isn't he talking with his kids? The most important thing here is to be a parent to them.

You do not have to compete with his ex. Why would you want to say anything bad about her? Their romantic relationship is over and done. As far as the emotional connection, no, they don't have to spend hours on the phone confiding in each other, but there is a past and a history that isn't forgotten.

You have to be secure in your relationship with your husband. He's with you now, not her.

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