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female
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*orgetful68
writes: My husband and I have been married for five months. We have caught my daughter (14) and his son (18) kissing on two different occasions. His son graduated May 2005 and doesn't have a job and is not planning on getting one. My daughter goes to school and is a varsity cheerleader. Since we got married she has changed tremendously. She does not do anything with her friends. I don't think she wants to get away from him for five minutes. What is the best way to handle this?
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female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (7 March 2006):
 Don't dissapprove but you Should set Some limits. Talk to your daughter as a friend....(not a lecturing mom...who won't listen) The situation is special only because...her New boyfriend is a live-in boyfriend. That makes things awfully hard to control. It's not like they won't run into each other in various stages of dress, middle of the night bathroom trips etc....I don't envy you.
I would let them know that it is Fine if they date, but not without rules while they live under the same roof.
She is 14...make certian he understands what can happen...and why they call JAIL BAIT...jail bait? Make sure SHE understands that She may come to you EVEN if she thinks you won't approve of her actions. If they get it in their heads to have sex....you may delay it a bit...but don't be blind enough to think you Can STOP this right now by being STRICT and STERN. That will just make it lots more exciting.
I know it's hard to think about...but your daughter is at an age where she may decide to have sex...be her friend and help her...don't think if you don't talk about it...she won't have sex...She just won't know how to protect herself physically or emotionally.{parents will swim any rageing torrent for their kids then sex comes along and the kids get tossed to the sharks} I am not saying this will happen..but do accept it in the realm of possibility.
If you Make them Sneak around....you only have yourself to blame when they create a situation that begged for honesty, trust and a wiser guide. Your children are both at an age in which You are really done being their boss...now you are choosing your new role of adviser or adversary...this is your first test and boy did you get a whopper!
All I can say is...Set some reasonable limits, be open and Trust that you have raised two pretty good kids who just happen to find the same sort of thing attractive as their parents. Best of luck to you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2006): Well, imagine this scenario. If they had been together before you and your husband, and then you two got together, they would be expected to accept that. So you should too. I agree it's weird, especially to you and your husband, but they are not really brother and sister. Just two people who are attracted to one another. A bizarre situation I agree...but one of those things you will have to accept as they are not really doing anything wrong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2006): What are you worrying about? There is no blood between your daughter and his son so the relationship is biologically normal. At her age, weren't you interested in boys? Whatever you do, do not attack him because your daughter will defend him to the death and put him before you so what I suggest is that you gently question her about how she sees her future life simply to make her think a few years ahead when she will need someone to provide for her and her babies.
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A
female
reader, xxhoney69xx +, writes (7 February 2006):
 i have friends who were in a similar position to this, the more you tell you daughter and stepson this is wrong the more appealing they will find it to rebel, i know this relationship they share is not 100% normal but in the same breath it is not as if they are blood relatives i am sure it is a short term crush but support them as the worst thing to do would be dissaprove good luck hunni xxx
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