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We broke up, working on being together but she changed all her passwords and while away she hasn't been making much contact. What's up?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 August 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 21 August 2015)
A male United States age 36-40, *ilkywhite writes:

I have been with my lady for over 5 years. We moved together from NJ to maryland about 4 years ago. She was working at front desk at a major hotel chain. She was offered a Assistant General Managers position, so she took it and we moved in together. Within the 2 years she went from AGM, to DOS, to GM. I ditched my old job and snagged the first thing I could find. Now during our relationship, I noticed I was a negative person. I felt almost hopeless over the last few years because my job was going no where, and I had no idea what would happen between the two of us over the course of 10 years. She worked, and continues to work 12-13 hour days, and hits the gym when she gets home. Leaving us just about an hour a day together, and maybe weekends. During this period, I got amazing news that I inherited a lot of money. I can now pursue my dream! She always felt i wasn't career driven, and Im not. She literally worked from the bottom to the top. Personally, I dont want to work for anyone else, and I needed to figure out a plan over the next year. Last month I started my business, and its a slow process, but the money is there, and I can basically afford whatever we need. but She feels im negative and brings situations down. Ive had issues with not seeing the positive, which im working on. Shes been my best friend, so its been so easy to talk about stuff with her, but her past, regarding her parents relationship is pretty bad. It feels like it has a bit to do with why we argued. So a few weeks ago, she wanted to break up. So we agreed, and spent 2 weeks apart planning our departure. I returned home one evening, and she came running and told me how much she loves me and doesn't want to break up. She wants to work on things. So during the breakup, she changes her passwords. We share the same everything, and i never snoop, its just not my personality. But when i logged on, because we share google music, etc, I noticed they all changed. Also, she has a trip she went on this weekend, 5 days, to see her old friend she hasn't seen in 2-3 years. I took her to the airport, got a kiss and the i love you, and she went off. I remember seeing her friends text one night, saying she needs to grow a back bone. She tends to keep her personal life (us) out of everything. She said she was gonna put things on the back burner until she gets back. I haven't gotten a single message from her, no i love yous or anything. Causes some concern for me, being things have been rough the last few weeks. she returns sunday, and im very excited to see her. she left on such a positive note, just feels odd that theres barely any contact or emotion when she leaves. I get the i miss you, but theres never the i love you...after 5 years?

ive always been pretty reserved and cold with other relationships, but for some reason this one feels like the right one. Sorry for the ramble, im just super confused. I haven't had many to talk to about this, hence im coming here!

View related questions: best friend, broke up, her past, I love you, money, moved in, period, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2015):

If you want to be with someone don't breakup with them. If you are broken up expect they will not contact you and the relationship is over. I guess you and gf need to decide if you are actually finished or not. Which is it?

If I brokeup with someone I wouldn't be sending them 'I love yous' and I wouldn't think they would want to hear from me anymore.

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A female reader, Slippers  United Kingdom +, writes (21 August 2015):

To begin with I wish you well on your new business adventure . It takes courage and some spark to start one, especially under the current climate . So good on you .

Now you and your girl.. I myself agree that the "back bone" reference isn't a good reference in fact it is them repeating to her, information she must have told them .. It has to come from somewhere ..

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A male reader, Milkywhite United States +, writes (21 August 2015):

Milkywhite is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for the honesty. I felt this coming, and always expect the worst.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (21 August 2015):

Anonymous 123 agony auntTo be honest, you don't seem right for each other at all, in any way. She's a go-getter, a determined hard worker, a take-charge lady. You, on the other hand, are laid-back, "a negative person" by your own admission, ambition-less as compared to her until you inherited the money and only then started your business which too, as you say was slow to start.

She's basically settling for you when she and her friends know she could do much better, that's why they're telling her to grow a backbone so that she can summon the courage to leave you. You may feel that she's right for you but there is a clash of personalities. She's an overachiever and you're not career driven or even a positive person. How you managed for 5 years is beyond me!

Just accept that the relationship wont work out and start the process of breaking up. The trip was her way of sorting things out and getting the much needed break from you and her life with you.

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