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We broke up, now he's dissing me, but I still love him, should I just give up or can we be friends?

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 November 2007) 10 Answers - (Newest, 10 January 2009)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

My ex boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. There was no betrayal involved and it was mutual, but he has been nothing but rude to me ever since. He says he wants me to be happy, but he makes fun of me with his friends and gives me mean and unnecessary comments that only bring me down. He says he's not being cocky, and just "speaking the truth", but I know he would never tell any of his other friends that are girls some of the things he has said to me. (Shortly after we broke up, I told him I still loved him and wanted to get back together, to the point I was desperate - I think thats what caused him to start to lose his respect in me, because he knew he had me.) Its very frustrating because we were once so happy together, and I'd still love to be friends with him but when I try all I get is disrespect in return. I don't know if its because we went out and broke up that he feels it doesn't matter how he treats me anymore, but I do know I don't deserve it. Is it just space and time to reflect that he needs? How can I have him be friendly and respect me again, or should I just move on and cut him out of my life altogether?

View related questions: broke up, get back together, move on

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009):

I have a similar situation. Yes, you can be friends. The reason why they act the way they do when thy're friends are there, is because they can. It makes them look "manly", like they own you. Does he act differently when the friends aren't there? My guess is he does. Take things slow, dont rush them. I wouldnt call him more then twice a month at first, better yet, just once a month, then later you can add more calls, if he doesnt call you first. The once a month call, is just a friendly thing, doesnt show desperation. It shows you have a life, that doesn't revolve around him! Old post, but i figured why not, incase someone else see this.

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A female reader, angeljanie United Kingdom +, writes (23 September 2008):

If he is being rude to you it means he is feeling very insecure, perhaps guilty about the break up and he doesn't know how he should act with you now that your not a couple. If you want him to be more friendly, have some space apart and when he wants to see you let him call you or come round to see you. The may be still things on his mind or your mind that you haven't discussed and because he's with his friends, he can't say discuss those things to you face to face or maybe he just doesn't want to. In the end let him come to you for friendship, he has been a jerk don't let him, he needs make it up to you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008):

wow, sounds like you need to let go.

honestly, he doesn't deserve you.

move on, and get someone ten times better.

i'm not saying it's gonna be easy, just worth it.

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A female reader, 2confused137 United States +, writes (2 December 2007):

2confused137 agony auntMy ex and I broke up to a little while ago and sometimes he disses me or makes me feel dumb and i still love him very much.He does it because he misses you and still has some love for you. My ex said we could be friends but we arent. Well kind of we talk and he calles but it isnt always nice. I say dont ever give up,epsecially if you have deep love for him. Odds are he still has love for you. So keep being strong and try to rekindle at least a frienship. Who knows you may get back together..

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A female reader, bqagirl2692 United States +, writes (2 December 2007):

bqagirl2692 agony auntSeems to me this guy is a waste of your time and isnt worth the suffering. To me he is just acting tough in front of his friends and you shouldnt waste your time on a coward..on a little boy who is afraid to express his true feelings. He cant man up to people and show that he cares for you s he covers it up by putting you down. He doesnt deserve not one bit of your respect, neither a bit of your friendship. Let him go and forget about him completely. Im not saying its going to be easy because you love him and thats why it hurts you the most but its definately the right thing you should do. You'll get over him someday. One day he realize what he lost. Good luck sweetie!

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A female reader, boxerbabe Canada +, writes (30 November 2007):

wow, this guy sounds exactly like my ex boyfriend, so i'll have to so if he can't be nice and respectful toward you the fuck him. don't talk to him, don't give him eye contact him just don't bother with him. If he wants to talk and apoligize to you he will if he doesn't then he was never worth it right? anyways that how i see it.

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A male reader, chlez83 Zambia +, writes (30 November 2007):

Let me tell you something,the guy's still in love with you but seems his friend's opinions are more important than his own and i can bet he would never say those things when you are just the two of you.It seems like your guy's displsying the child in every man.Try not to feel so bad and don't try so hard to be friends with him.He's still hurting in a way just like you were the time you were asking him back.Give him some space.It's really hard to be good friends just after break up but if you really want him as a friend,forget him for now.I'm also sure you want to use the excuse of friends as a reason to check if you guys can be together.Let him be.

Good luck.

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A female reader, Absolutioness United States +, writes (30 November 2007):

Absolutioness agony auntYeah some men are like that, even some women i must say... Once you let them know that you can't be without them they think they are gods in that situation, but really no.

All I see is that he is acting immature and trying to look macho in front of his friends. If you really care about him being your friend in the future (which would probably won't be that easy, considering how he is acting towards you) the best you can do is to let him go and make him see that you are moving on. Not by demonstrating it in front of him, but by not "bothering him" if thats what he may think it is from you at the moment. Time will pass and trust me he may come out of this immaturity in relationships & you may be friends, although not many people can be friends with an opposite sex. But please you shouldn't move on out of relationship with such hopes, you should just move on & hope for something/one better.

Oh and simply stop carrying if he respects you. Main thing is if you respect yourself. By trying to prove something to someone is one way to lose respect as well.

Good Luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007):

Why are you wasting your time even bothering with him? You obviously cannot have back something that is long gone, and this relationship is well and truly over. You told him that you wanted him back and you looked desperate in his eyes, so now he has you where he wants you, hanging on a thread. Cut the thread, and tell him to go and bollox! You do deserve better, so strive to get it and stop groveling and putting yourself down. Hold your head up high and move on. It will be hard at first but well worth it in the long run. Dont look back, look forward to a better and brighter future.

take care

xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007):

Move on, once respect is gone, it will only hurt you all the more...you did not do anything wrong really except not wanting to let him go, tried to cling even tighter, this doesn't work with guys and makes them run away even faster.

He doesn't sound worth the fight, he is rude and mean which shows his immaturity, that and you are both awfully young to get so tied down....Try to realize that dating is a process, and it is a way for you to learn about yourself and learn what you like in a partner, stop asking what you can do to earn his respect and ask your self if he deserves yours.

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