A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I went out with this guy for 10months and was totally in love with him and still am.We met at university but he lives abroad.While we went out he visited me all the time. The thing is a few months ago we had an argument and he split up with me, saying that he wants to be alone and doesnt want to be in a relationship. But then he keeps calling me and saying he just wants to be friends but at the same time asks me if im seeing anyone.He says he doesnt want to be together but keeps saying that he still cares for me, that im the nicest girl hes ever met and even rings up for phone sex. After getting his way he still makes it clear he does not want a relationship but at the same time doesnt want me to think that he is playing with my emotions and tells me that he still cares for me and wants me to be alrite. He then says i shud be wid someone that treats me right and that he wants me to move on. But how can i move on when he still says he cares?How can someone care about you and not wanna be in a relationship?How can someone want sex from you and not wanna be with you? I argue wid him and say that he only wants to be single so he can get wid other girls and he is using me. He then insists that it isnt true and that he just wants to be alone and not in a relationship with anyone. The big problem is that i want to make him realise that maybe we shud be together (am i being stupid)and want to make him jealous, but because he lives in a different country and i dont know how to do that. He says that he would like me to go and see him and when i threaten that i might start seeing someone else and take them with me he says no(even tho he says we r just friends). He also said once that he didnt think he could talk to me again if i was seeing someone else.How do i make him jealous without pushing him away so that he realises he does want to be with me after all? Please help.
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broke up, jealous, move on, phone sex, split up, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007): It's not easy to move on but you need to. Lose his number. Date other men. He's not worth your pain. There's a good man out there for you and it's not him. Get rid of the loser.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2007): Believe it or not, I'm going through the same thing. The best advice that I can give you is to go ahead and date someone else. Don't put your life on hold for no one. Girl, do remember this, it hurts but he is using you. I was used for two years and he's from Pakistan. I fell in love with him in every way. So I know what I'm talking about. It does hurt and the scar will always be there, but you'll find someone else that is better and take away those scars. Stay true to yourself. You really know what to do and he's not in those plans! Good luck!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2007): I think it is very common for a guy to want sex but not want to be in a relationship, more so than the other way around...the reason he is asking if you have been with someone else, or he would stop talking to you if you went with someone else is that he is trying to control you so that you are available to him at his whim, he is also the type of guy that is possessive over his sexual conquests, doesn't want to think about another guy being on top of you....this does not mean he loves you and wants to be with you....You are definately on the back burner, and as harsh as it sounds, he is really not there for you both emotionally and physically as he lives abroad, this is a big problem for a guy, most don't want long distance relationships.
Chalk it up to experience, NEXT!
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (30 January 2007):
 Some times we've got to be careful what we wish for . . . it might come true.
I think you'd be better off changing your phone number and losing this guy. You don't need Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in your life. Move on.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (30 January 2007):
 He IS using you love! A man will tell you whatever you want to hear to get what they want. He is getting phone sex from you and you are falling staight into the trap saying these things to him for him to "get off" on. He IS playing with your emotions here. He wants to have control over you even although he doesn't want to be with you.
The best thing to do to get him jealous is to tell him you've met someone else and you can't talk with him any more. He will be gobsmacked at this and will probably call you all the time telling you he wants to be with you again but don't fall for it. How many times have we heard the saying "you want what you can't have?"
Personally, I don't know why you're even bothering with this man, he seems like a bit of control freak to me. Unless you want your emotions in tatters I would get rid of him and find someone in your home town who will love you the way you deserve to be loved.
Eve
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