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We both really like each other but she has a boyfriend?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 November 2009) 6 Answers - (Newest, 5 January 2010)
A male United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

This is kinda long/confusing but i'll keep it simple. I'm a senior in high school and have had a great friend since my sophomore year. Back then when she was a freshman, she had a big crush on me but i was oblivious since even if i was great friends with her, i was dating someone else. She ended up dating 3 other guys as well as me dating 2 more girls but not very long-term relationships. However, in these last years we have been great friends and made it aware to each other that we have strong feelings for each other and care about each other so much. She has always been there for me and i have always been there for her. She is currently in a relationship now though but I'm single. A few days ago at school during lunch, we talked about how long we've known each other and how time went by so quickly, and the great times as friends we've had. We ended up kissing twice... and she/I admitted we've been wanting to kiss for such a long time... i guess our feelings from two years ago had re-surfaced. I'm on a guilt trip though because of her boyfriend... idk what to do I just wanna be close to her and i'm not sure i want to jump in a relationship with her cuz i would never want to lose her. Advice? any similar scenarios about friends that fall for each other?

View related questions: crush, has a boyfriend, kissing, she has a boyfriend

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

she's single, but we're best friends. none of us plan to jump into anything anymore but we're just really close and it's great and simple like how it was! i'm graduating soon anyway so i'd rather keep her in my life forever we've sorted it all out.

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A female reader, FireAndIce South Africa +, writes (6 November 2009):

You're welcome hon :) Lemme know how things go and if you wanna chat about it further, feel free.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for your great advice. I think I wanna just wait things out and be her friend and no more of this "friends with benefits" thing because I don't want to wreck her current relationship and respect that. "FireandIce" you seriously know exactly how i'm feeling about ever getting into a relationship with her and the risks thanks for your great words! =)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for your great advice. I think I wanna just wait things out and be her friend and no more of this "friends with benefits" thing because I don't want to wreck her current relationship and respect that.

"FireandIce" you seriously know exactly how i'm feeling about ever getting into a relationship with her and the risks thanks for your great words! =)

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A female reader, pinktopaz United States +, writes (5 November 2009):

Well you kind of have to really think about a couple things here. One, if she's kissing you while she has a boyfriend; what does that really say about her? If she has "strong" feelings for someone else while she's with you do you think she'll be kissing them? And two, would you like it very much if you had a girlfriend and her guy friend came around telling her how he feels and she likes him too and they kissed? I don't think you would feel too good about a girlfriend kissing other guys or about the other guy trying to get nice and cozy with your girlfriend.

I think it's best to wait it out and see if the relationship she has now doesn't work out then pursue something more. Just keep in mind that you two are young and after a relationship together things won't be the same between you if/when you two break up.

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A female reader, FireAndIce South Africa +, writes (5 November 2009):

Well, firstly, you don't really have to feel guilty. I may be wrong for saying this, but you're single and you owe her boyfriend nothing. SHE"S the one that should consider her him. You haven't actively being pursuing her, asking her to cheat on her boyfriend or leave him for you, so on that matter, chill out a bit :)

But that's not to say I don't feel bad for her boyfriend. None of this is his fault and she owed it to him to be honest with him. She has feelings for you so already that's reason for her NOT to be in a relationship with someone else.

You've known eachother for so long and in my opinion, the best relationships are based on friendship. It's the strongest foundation for any relationship.

But you've BEEN friends for so long, you're both probably scared of starting something and if it doesn't work out, you damage the friendship.

It could work one of two ways really...she leaves her boyfriend, the two of you get together and it doesn't work out.

OR you get together and you find you have a trully beautiful relationship with someone you know, trust and care about deeply.

It's always a risk so you have to ask yourself if you're willing to take it.

And she should be honest with her boyfriend...either she loves him, apologizes to him for what happens and works on her relationship and remains friends with you or she ends things with him and then at some stage the two of you explore a relationship.

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