A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,So I have been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years and we have a beautiful 10 month old daughter together. She wasn't planned but she is the best thing to happen to us. So when we were about 6 months into the pregnancy we moved in together and it was great at the start and don't get me wrong we fought a good bit before I became pregnant but now it's so different. We just bicker most of the time now and he just puts me in such a foul mood, he has an attatude problem and he has no patients now whatsoever and he just doesn't understand me at all. He has become selfish and is refusing to see how bad it's gotten between us. I know it can't be all him Ali can be a right bitch but he is just impossible. Like yesterday, for example, he wouldn't get off his ^^^e to help with cleaning the house (he thinks I should do it because I don't work-but I started back work this week) not to mention I have a lung infection and is on antibiotics he still wouldn't help, his mother had to put in and say that I am sick and he shouldn't be letting me do all the work, and his response was she's always sick and his mam said that's not her fault and he replied well it's not mine either!!It's just little stuff like this- he just doesn't seem to care about me at all anymore and I do want to be with him. He does have his moments when he's back to the guy I fell in love with years ago but it's just not often enough. I want to stay with him for our daughters sake too. His parents are going through a messy divorce and I can see it's affecting him.I hope I can get some advice on what to do, how can I get him to communicate, we say we'll change but we never do, Please help us!!Thanks in advance!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (19 July 2016):
 Being in a relationship with someone and transitioning on to living with them can be two very different things. I honestly don't think you know someone until you have lived with them. Plus you where pregnant while you moved in together so it was all new to you both, maybe you both moved in to quick? I am not sure. You have been together long enough to know each other, and you admit that you both fought with each other even before you got pregnant, all relationships do tend to have small arguments, but if it is all the time then that was not a good sign. Add a baby to the mix and you have fireworks.
You say he has an attitude problem and does not understand you at all, do you feel you understand him? If you are both bickering all the time then it is not good for either of you or your baby daughter. You both need to sit down and communicate more, let each other talk about how they feel and try and work together as adults to get the relationship back on track. If you love each other you should be prepared to work on it, but both of you need to work at it in order for the relationship to be a good one. You say he is refusing to see that there is a problem which means he is not willing to work on the relationship, then it might be best you separate.
You say you can be a right bitch, so I have a feeling that the both off you are to blame here, you probably wind each other up so often that you are always bickering and tearing each other down instead of picking each other up and trying to make an effort with each other. Do you go out together much? Go on dates? What is fun about this relationship? What does he do for you that is good and vice versa? You need to try and get out off this rut.
Now that you have started back working as well you should both come up with a rota so that you both do your fair share off cooking and cleaning and looking after your baby daughter, if you are both working full time then it should be a joint effort. This needs to be addressed.
Getting his mother involved is not going to help, if they are going through a messy divorce and it is effecting him, the both of you ganging up towards him is only going to anger him more, try and get him to open up more about his parents. Also why are you always sick? Maybe he is finding it difficult if he is out working to come home to a girlfriend that is always sick and a baby, maybe try and look at it from his point of view. Either way if you both cannot communicate then this relationship is never going to work.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (19 July 2016):
 Why are you always sick?How is it different if you fought a lot before the pregnancy and still bicker all the time now? That's not different; that's a pattern.How can you be a b*tch? What do you do?Do you go on any (inexpensive) dates?Who looks after your child?Who cooks?Who does what chores?Staying for your daughter is a bad idea; fighting around children (they pick up on more than you think) is harmful to them, so it's better to be split up and not fight, than stay together for the sake of it and not get along.However, that doesn't mean I think you should split up, right now. If you can, get some couples counselling.You want to make this work but, if he continues to refuse to see the problems, breaking up is inevitable because you can't *make* him see what he doesn't want to.
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