A
male
age
22-25,
logitech86
writes:Hey, me and my girlfriend have been together for a year and a half, things were going so great, but we started arguing a lot while drunk and it was mostly my fault because I tend to dwell on things to much and make them worse than they are! Well we were out last sunday works doo and a college of mine started insinuating to me that I didnt want to be with her no more, and I was extremy pist and we had argued very badly the day before so stupidly I started to agree with this person, which I know now I did not went, so this person aproached my girlfriend later that night and told her infront of everyone I dont love her no more and that I dont want to be with er about 5 times, she then broke down crying apparently, she claims she came to me and I was hurling abuse to her, I remember coming to my sense and trying to ask her what was wrong casue I was unaware of all of this, and she pushed me away and refused to talk with me, I then went out for a cigerate and couldnt get back in the club casue the bouncer said I was too pist, so she went to another club with her mates and ended up catching a mini bus back with her mates and a load of guys, she eneded up going off with a bloke on the bus and going back to his house and having sex with him, I cant really remember what I said that nite to our work collouges but a lot of people approached her with the news and I called her a slag to her friends, I dont know why I did this but I was so drunk and I feel that people pushed our end that nite, like I was brainwashed into saying iddint want to be with her due to our troubled last few days of arguning which upset me and they were pety and not neededShe says she doesnt know why it happened , she says that she felt so alone and upset that this guy played her and made her feel wanted and that she is biterlly disguseted with herself and hates herself for what she has done, she said she told him sex was not going to happen, he said he would sleep on couch and she had bed, and he came in 15 mins later and kept trying it on with her. I only found out when her story as to where she stayed was full of holes and I could tell sumthing was up, she then started begging me for her to take me back and telling me how much she loves me and thins will never happen again and that it wasnt cheating as such as we were finished in her eyes, but I cant cope with how eaily she slept with someone or is it befcasue I had upset her so much that this guy just played her casue he knew she had just finished with her me, her boyfriend. I can see that she truly regrets what happend but I've started to be in contact with her after a few days but im finding it real hard to forgive and forget this , do you think I should forgive her and try and move on and salvage the relationship I have with a girl that was the one for me before this? We have spent every day together since the start, or do I just cut my losses now in fear of this happening again, any adive would be great, I just want to beleive her so much and part of me does beleive she is telling the truth, but part of me thinks she went with someone to easy, I have never cheated on her, we are each others first loves im 22 she 19,
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female
reader, cuteysar +, writes (4 July 2008):
you just said you feel like she is the one for you. and your girlfriend obviously feels the same way as she has begged your forgiveness. therefore there is definitely something worth fighting for.
i have been so pissed myself where i have done things or said things i dont remember the next day when i am told about it. i have said awful/weird things to people which i have no clue why i would say to them, so i understand how you feel. and i have had an "accidental" one night stand with someone because i was just that drunk. the next day i had no idea why i had done it because i didnt even like the person. it just happened because i was out of it, and from persuasion from the guy who had probably realised how easy it was to take advantage of me for being that drunk.
so you both have a lot of forgiving each other to do, but if you love each other enough and i think you do, then its definitely worth it. everybody makes mistakes.
A
female
reader, cuteysar +, writes (4 July 2008):
you just said you feel like she is the one for you. and your girlfriend obviously feels the same way as she has begged your forgiveness. therefore there is definitely something worth fighting for.
i have been so pissed myself where i have done things or said things i dont remember the next day when i am told about it. i have said awful/weird things to people which i have no clue why i would say to them, so i understand how you feel. and i have had an "accidental" one night stand with someone because i was just that drunk. the next day i had no idea why i had done it because i didnt even like the person. it just happened because i was out of it, and from persuasion from the guy who had probably realised how easy it was to take advantage of me for being that drunk.
so you both have a lot of forgiving each other to do, but if you love each other enough and i think you do, then its definitely worth it. everybody makes mistakes.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 The one thing that really stands out to me in all this is if you get so moody and pissy over little shit, how can you possibly handle something like this in a constructive way? I'm picturing all this drama (before she slept with the guy that "caused" her to sleep with him) following something like her looking at you wrong or you freaking out over the "way" she said something. Add alcohol to the mix and I don't expect that the fact she's slept with another guy to be something you WON'T dwell on. I think both of you realize the consequences of destructive behavior and drinking irresponsibly, you're both just hurting yourselves.
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A
female
reader, Smiles  + ♥, writes (4 July 2008):
 Vow, you are not going to like what I am saying BUT, I am not doing this to upset you or hurt you; I am just giving you my honest opinion based on the information supplied by you.
I suggest you both need to "take stock"; you are heading for disaster; you cannot hope to build a future this way; either you resolve the issues between yourselves or you take a break; what both of you have done is humiliating towards each other; it is "Childish" and you should realize that to start with; emotional maturity is important in a stable relationship;
Maybe you both need some counselling as to how do deal with your "issues" rather then to act immature infront of others and only embarrass and belittle yourselves;
Sorry I know this might sound harsh; BUT both of you need to learn from this experience; either you work things out maturely or learn from your mistakes and MOVE ON; neither of you should feel very good or proud of your behaviour!
You need to pay attention to what happened; this is not a good sign; if you can not controll your drinking, get help; most of all: LEARN FROM THIS MISTAKE
Have a good heart to heart chat; see if you can resolve the problems.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, marieclaire  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 well to be honest what you did is unforgivable and she just retaliated. you brought this on yourself
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  + ♥, writes (4 July 2008):
 My apolgies for the lousy grammar ..forgot to delete certain words, so hope you can still understand what I'm trying to say
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A
male
reader, Collaroy + ♥, writes (4 July 2008):
Hi,
You both are to blame but your actions against your girlfriend are disgraceful. But I think you have to split up. It's not just about your or and its not necessarily because of her sleeping with another guy, its because at your age if you are having some a tempestuous relationship you are missing out on a lot of fun. Why do this to yourself, if you are at each other like cats and dogs then you most likely arent meant to be together anyway.
I'm sure she is genuinely regrettful about cheating on you, but I dont buy her excuse how he kept pestering her till she gave in. She could have said no at any stage, so I really think that you will always have this in the back of your mind. Do both yourselves a favour and split up, she hopefully will learn her lesson and you hopefully will also learn a lesson that calling your girlfriend a slag is not acceptable and you were lucky she didnt dump you there and then. If you can't handle your drink mate dont get so pissed, you will never be able to hold down a relationship if you act like this - there's nothing worse in this world than an ugly drunk who holds his hands up the next day with the "I cant remember what I did" excuse - its a bad bad sign.
good luck anyway.
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A
female
reader, rhythmandblues2 + ♥, writes (4 July 2008):
 Well first love aside, you both sound immature and unwilling to take responsibility for your own behavior, you say you were "brainwashed" and she was "played". What a bunch of rubbish. You both did what you wanted to do at the time and then felt remorse afterward.
If you have been together every day since you started and you are both very young, it is likely that it is time for a break from each other, if not a break up. You both are very young and obviously have a lot of growing up to do and until you can be mature and a whole person on your own, then you are not really ready to be in a committed relationship. Neither of you are bad people, you forgive for yourself, not for her, so that the resentment doesn't eat you up alive. Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.....you are angry, sure, but move on.
The most concerning thing is your problem with alchohol. You are drinking to the point of not remembering what you said or what you actually did and have to rely on others to tell you about it. This is very dangerous and will make an old man out of you and kills you from the cellular level...alchohol destroys cells, first brain, then liver and kidney and eventually you are forever changed into an alchoholic. Once a cucumber becomes a pickle it can never become a cucumber again. You are literally commiting suicide slowly by drinking all of the time to excess. You need to stop, and I mean stop all together....that is your biggest problem, not this girlfriend or this relationship or your arguing and fighting, it is alchohol abuse.
Get some counseling and some help pronto to stop drinking now...it isn't cool, it isn't cute and it is a waste of a life.
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