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anonymous
writes: I have recently started living with my boyfriend, and it seems to be ok on the whole, however, I am not happy in the relationship. I keep trying to make it work and trying to be positive, but I can't help realizing that we are arguing more and more and I am getting more and more unhappy. I am not sure what the reasons are... if he asked me I don't know what I would say to him. I usually feel like this when he puts something or someone else before me, and I often think he is so selfish and insensitive and doesn't consider me. We don't see things on the same level and it has become more noticable to me. I take things more seriously than he does because I want the real thing. I usually get annoyed and upset when I notice if he looks at a girl on the telly or in the street, and prefers to be with his mates at the pub, little things just show me that I don't think he is interested in me anymore. Just wondering if I am neurotic. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, peacemaker  +, writes (27 September 2008):
I have to say that so many of these other responses reflect women who are expecting the world around them to change without changing themselves. Don't get me wrong - I am a woman too and understand the frustrations. I lived in a marriage with a man who had five affairs and tried desperately to make things work. But our efforts aren't rewarded when we struggle only from our own perspective. The only way to truly love a man and be loved by a man is to understand yourself and them. Men don't like talking - it simply isn't the way they relate. So save your talking about your relationship for your friends. The best way to keep a man attracted to you it to 'do stuff' with him. Have fun! It is infectious to him. It is more attractive to him than any girl walking down the street. If he is laughing and having fun with you, he won't notice anyone else. And it isn't a struggle for you either - everyone wins. I understand that there are serious issues that do need to be discussed, but when you give a man time and attract him with your confidence and desire to do things with him rather than talk, you will be suprised when he is the one that start bringing up the 'big' topics. If you don't believe me, get it from the horses mouth.I read a book called 'Catch Him and Keep Him' after my marriage broke up and I was looking for a new relationship. It saved me from making all the mistakes I had made all my life with men. It is invaluable (forget about Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus). Chris Carter's Catch Him and Keep Him is amazing. You can purchase it online.Don't think it's the men making the mistakes. Stop blaming him, and look at what you can do differently. I did, and I couldn't be happier!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2007): As much as you don't want to hear this only you can answer your question.But it sounds to me like you may have trust issues.Right, I moved in with my boyfriend a year ago and the same thing happened. He's often going out with friends and your arguing about this and then that just amplifies any silly little things that you wouldn't normally even consider. Maybe he is terrified of the commitment but most likely (if ye decided on the move in together) he just wants to keep a bit of his own space. Moving in together is a huge step and it means that ye are spending much more time together. This makes him want to spend more time with his friends, thats his space.Oh and all men look at girls. Its a dirty habit but I find the best way to sort that one is actually, join him. If you see a really good looking girl say it. He'll do it in front or you. The thing is at least then you know what he's looking at. And if he begins to look at women behind your back well then maybe your right to be suspicious. To sum up basically give him a little space but make sure he spends time with you. We all need our own space.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2006): Love is when you can't bare to be without the other person.Love is when you daydream about your partner being there when they are not.Love cannot and should not be pressed out of a person if it doesn't come naturally and from the heart. Ask your partner what he loves about you and ask yourself what you love about your partner.If not so much comes together go through the pain of seperation now so that you can still enjoy the feeling of real love in the future.It's out there waiting for you ;-)
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A reader, pitsy, writes (20 February 2005): I have just posted a similar question, only I have 2 children and am 5 years along in my relationship. I have had your situation now for that long it is exhausting, tiring and I am fed up of thinking things are ok, then they go back to how they were again. In short, the only way things will get better is if he changes, and he sounds like he wants his cake and eat it, too. Put your foot down and be the boss, become a stronger, confident person and don't wait for things to change, coz they won't! Either walk while you can or turn it into what you want. If you don't think you can do that then the answer is GO! I hope this helps you and I feel for you with true sympathy. Don't wait. You'll have children, then what?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2005): I know it sounds corny but you should read the book 'Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus'It is very insightful to the behaviors of men and women. If you are lucky you will get him to read it also or at least let him tell you about it. Our behavior patterns are so different and misinterpreted so often. No you are not neurotic your are just from Venus and he is just from Mars.
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A reader, ncstacey, writes (18 February 2005): Boy, I could have written this myself two months ago! I walked away and it was the best thing I have ever done! Nothing should come between you and your soulmate, if he's in fact your life partner. I have read several relationship books in the past few months and most of them agree, true love doesn't make you unhappy. My friend said it best, life is to short, move on!
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (18 February 2005):
 I think you need to ask your boy-friend why he wants you with him and whether he can see a future in your relationship. Perhaps you need to explain to him that you feel as if you are playing second fiddle to the other interests and pursuits in his life and that you feel you are not his priority. Say that when you started living with him, you thought it was for both of you to be committed to each other but that his actions do not suggest this.Perhaps it is the case that now he has you living with him that he feels he can continue with a kind of single man's lifestyle. You need to emphasise that this is not fair on you.You do need to establish what he does feel for you and whether he is truely interested in you and loves you and the only way that you can do this is by sitting down and trying to talk to him. He needs to be able to provide you with reassurance in terms of him looking at other women; that you are the only one for him. Did he used to go to the pub frequently before with his mates, does he ask you to go with him? All these things you need to consider as well as ask him.I don't think you are neurotic at all, you just feel uncertain and insecure as to how he feels and you need reassurance from him. Perhaps it is the case that now that you are living with him you are discovering what he is really like and it isn't quite what you hoped for.You may well have to seriously consider moving out which may jump start him into making you aware of how he really does feel but it shouldn't take this. It may be that you will have to move out and even move on from him because he simply isn't the right one for you; due to him being unable to provide what you want in a relationship.Sit down and talk to him and take it from there.I hope this helps.
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