A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I apologize in advance for how ridiculously long this is but I feel I need to tell you as many details as I can. Growing up, I heard plenty of stories from my parents' friends about how they had one of the cheesiest love stories ever. They were 16 when they met, my dad fell for my mom but my mom said, "No way!" at first. Then they didn't see or talk to each other until their senior prom when they went with different people. He likes to recall the fact that they sat across from each other the entire way in the limo; their dates on the right and left sides of them.Before my dad, my mom was dating who I hear was an asshole for a few years and when she and my dad started talking again a year after they graduated, he helped her through a lot of shit. They became best friends and my mom's ex did not like that. But my dad would not give up and after another year, he courted the crap out of my mother and the rest, as they say, is history. Of course, there are plenty more details but that's the gist.They married when they were 23 and had my older sister when they were 25. Then they had my three older brothers and me in the proceeding eight years. My dad built my mom a house in the middle of nowhere Missouri that was big enough for all seven of us and we all grew up on the farm that he created with his own sweat and hands. We grew up in my parents' dream house.Then something happened. My parents had a HUGE fight (I've rarely seen them fight growing up). My dad never touched my mom other than to try and kiss her but my mom smacked him across the face. They both cried and he tried to hold her but she kept pushing him away. A few days after my mom kicked my dad out, we all found out he cheated on her with a woman he had a thing for a few months after they graduated high school. Mind you, this year is 25 years after they graduated but I don't know how things got so bad.According to my dad, this horrible woman showed up out of the blue with her own husband and their only son (who is my older brother's age: 23). I don't know much more about her because us kids absolutely hate her and want nothing to do with her. I do know that my dad told my mom he and this other woman were reliving the past; the whole 'what if?' part of it before she left for the Army 28 years ago. They had sex once to see if they had the chemistry that they did back in those three months they knew each other. Neither of them felt anything, so they completely stopped talking to each other.It's been six months since then but now it's ruined at least one marriage. And it just had to be my parents'... :'( My mom has tried to stay strong for the rest of us and I know that she wants to forgive my dad but she just can't do it. My dad did a terrible thing and we're all pissed at him for it but we just can't see our parents' marriage failing. They've been together too long, they love each other, we can all see it. We just don't know WHY he had to do it. Currently, my dad is living with his best friend, our "Uncle" and he keeps telling my dad to make shit right with my mother.My parents have always been open about everything and they've always been loving toward each other; we're all just boggled. But now that we're all scared that they'll divorce, we're trying to devise a plan to get them back together. What would be our best option? By the way, our dad has NEVER done something like this before; basically, my parents' story is like The Notebook. They are for each other and that is it; which is why it's so hard to believe our dad did something so stupid.
View related questions:
best friend, divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2011): I'm really sorry about your situation, you must be having a difficult time. But, your parents are adults, if they want to split up that's their choice, you have to respect that. I know from your point of view you don't want to see your family fall apart, but honestly, it's not about you, and it's not fair to force parents to stay together just to please the children. And I hate to say it but if your dad cheated with another woman then clearly it's not some romantic love story, there are problems with trust and loyalty in the relationship. I'm really sorry again, but you can't force your parents back together, hopefuly they will work things out on their own, be supportive, but if things don't work out you will have to accept it.
A
female
reader, macy.lou +, writes (10 August 2011):
 umm this is definitely a difficult one, i'm going to start by saying i'm sooo sorry that has to be really hard! I know you want to help your parents, but this is really up to them.. you can talk to your dad and tell him how much it would mean to you if he would talk to your mom. They married pretty young so it's typical for one of them to be curious, maybe they had been having problems before this? Then maybe try to remind them about how strong their love is. It's probably going to take time, but most importantly don't get to far in the middle of it because it's not your mistake or marriage to fix, you'll only stress yourself out much more then you deserve.
...............................
|
