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We are involved but both married. I don't know how to stop this relationship!

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 August 2015) 6 Answers - (Newest, 5 August 2015)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and I are both married to someone else and are in love. Yes, people call it love affair.

It hurts me bad because it is not right thing to do but I can't stop this relationship. (Yes, I have tried in the past.)

If anyone out there who were in the same situation with me, please let me know how to get out of this.

Yes, you can judge me. I know what I do is not right.

View related questions: affair

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2015):

If you know something's wrong, act on it.

Divorce your husband and let him find his TRUE love, the one who moves his world more than you ever did or could. Does this thought Hurt ? This enables you to carry on your secret affair, and hope that your lover who is also a CHEAT divorces his wife, to let her find love.

You sound as weak as dishwater, of course you can stop CHEATING and DECEIVING somebody you are supposed to LOVE,who you took Vows with.

I would suggest been TRUTHFUL and divorce, this is the easy way out.STOP CHEATING AND TELL THE TRUTH ...it's quite simple, really.

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A female reader, Slippers  United Kingdom +, writes (3 August 2015):

Sweetie he isn't your a boyfriend .. A boyfriend has to be single and he is not

You know you need to break this .. you deserve better .. you need to say to him how you feel.and wither be together wholly or not .

Certainly the guilt is eating you .. If you can try and work through issues within your marriage before ending it .. but if you know that's a dead donkey then best let your hubby move on . X

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (3 August 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI agree, if you "can't" seem to end the affair, then end your marriage.

I will also say that you CAN stop, you just CHOOSE to not stop.

Sometimes in life you have to make choices. This is on of those "sometimes" you can't have BOTH a husband AND a lover and you know it. So... time to do that grown up thing, make a choice and stick with it.

And your choices are to be married with NO lover or to divorce and HAVE a lover.

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A male reader, Garbo United States +, writes (3 August 2015):

Garbo agony auntYou are not unique in this predicament and many other women have asked this before so here are things that will happen, if not with certainty, but with a very high probability given what you do.

So, first, you could choose to continue cheating with that guy. If so, this is what will happen: he will never leave his wife and you will keep cheating hoping that he does and such cheating will go on until your husband finds out. When that happens, both men will dump you.

Second choice is to leave your husband but that is pointless because the guy with whom you are cheating will not leave his wife. This choice is just like first because both men will dump you.

Third choice is that you stop cheating. If you do this then you have two options: first is to tell your husband in which case he will dump you or second, not to tell your husband in which case he will not know any of this but you would have to do something about the marriage to repair it because you don't wanna live in misery.

So to recap, you can be dumped in 3 cases, and not dumped in one case. The not dumped case requires you to stop cheating, not say anything to your husband and repair your marriage.

You choose what you want.

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A male reader, no nonsense Aidan United Kingdom +, writes (3 August 2015):

I’m not judging you, but surely you can see that your statement is complete nonsense? Of course you can stop this relationship, or you can end your marriage. You either choose to walk away from your boyfriend, tell him its over and ignore him if he tries to get in contact, or you admit the truth to your husband. No-one forces you to stay with him. No-one forces you to cheat. There aren’t any excuses: decide who you want and get on with it. I think you know that this boyfriend probably won’t leave his wife, or at the very least you fear he won’t. That’s why you keep this affair going but lack the decency to be honest with your husband. If you don’t want people to judge, or to feel bad about yourself, do the right thing and either end the affair and commit to your marriage, or put your husband out of his misery and enjoy your life looking over your shoulder with a man you already know is capable of lying and being unfaithful.

I wish you all the very best.

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A female reader, WhenCowsAttack United States +, writes (3 August 2015):

Can't stop this relationship? You've tried?

What an utter load of bull crap. If you wanted to stop it you would, you just don't want to.

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