A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Around 10 months ago I was out with an old friend from school and she met 2 of her friends which were 2 lads that I did not really know but had seen around the area a couple of times. They got pretty drunk and at first I didn't touch any drink but then they kept egging me on so I drank quite a lot. I got really drunk, I know I should have did what I wanted to but I didntMy friend and one lad kept kissing etc then disappeared for a while and left me alone with the other lad who was 4 years older than me 21 as I was 17, I felt really sick and had tumbled over and hurt my foot and as I went to be sick on the grass away from the lad, he followed behind and kept asking me if I wanted to disappear with him for a while and make out that we had sex but we wouldn't actually do anything and tell our friends that we had but I was a bit confused and I said NO I'm not like that as she knows I was a virgin at the time and had explained this to himSo he agreed to leave it at that but then as I went to be sick I can't actually remember being sick or not, I just remember I woke up on the grass and he was lying next to me with his hands down my trousers with his fingers inside me and I moved his hands away but I can't remember whether I said to him stop or don't and if he did or not, I kept falling in and out of sleepThen I regained consciousness again to realize that the boy was pulling down my trousers, I got a fright and asked him to stop. I clutched my trousers but he pulled them right down and kept saying it's fine you'll like it and then he asked if I wanted to have sex but everything was a bit blurry. I remember sayin no, I don't, no I don't even know you and saying I was still a virgin, he kept talking but I wasn't to sure what he was saying as I couldn't keep myself awake.Then I just remember feeling something really uncomfortable and sore between my legs pushing pretty hard down on me at first I didn't move, I was trying to get my head round what was going on, I kept saying to myself am I having sex, I can't believe I'm having sex but not in a good way, I was repulsed with myself. After a few minutes I asked him to get off because it was getting really sore. He ignored me completely and started pushing down harder so I said get off please you're hurting me. He didn't listen he just replied by saying I'm not done yet I'm nearly finished.I was way too drunk to budge him, I tried and failed, I couldn't move him. I tried grabbing him to get him off but it didn't work either, I nipped him but he didn't seem to feel it So I just waited until he was done with me, I didn't scream or shout for help. After, he just jumped up and left me lying, he pulled off a condom which I didn't even see or remember him putting on and called me names as I am a SH so had lots of scars on my legs, then he run off to his friend who had returned to fill him in on the details of his nightI felt so repusled and sick. It took me a while to remember everything but the more I thought about it the more I remembered.There was a lot of blood that came from between my legs too, I bled for a few days and even weeks to a couple of months later I was still really soreWas this rape or did I do something wrong or give him the wrong idea to make him think I wanted to have sex?
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male
reader, OwHiTeLiOnO  +, writes (25 April 2008):
 No this was not rape. He told you the plan, you went along with it, he told you what was going to happen, he did what he said he was going to do so how is it rape? Don't use the alcohol as an excuse. Learn to make better choices in life. Some common sense would not hurt you either.
OwHiTeLiOnO
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): You know, this is a very interesting question not only in your case but also to many others who lost there virginity in anything less that classical fairytale manner.I, for one, questioned my loss of innocence.I wasn’t drunk and she wasn’t really physically forceful, but I did say no (at least at first). Of course I would say no, I had never done it. I was terrified. My older sister had her best friend over for a visit one summer afternoon. My sister is three years older that I and her friend a year older than she. So there I was, a seven year old little boy, locked into his parents bedroom with this friend of his sister who must have been only eleven (if that). The reason I was locked in was because the girl was taller than I, so she was able to reach the lock-latch that towered above.I wasn’t worried though, as I thought she was my “girlfriend” she and I would play kissing games on a regular basis. She led me to my parents closet and we began. Only this time I was off put when she demanded that I remove my pants, “No.” I replied. So she helped me to “just” pull them down, and for some reason I found that a little more comfortable.There were shoes all over the closet floor so I was relocated to a corner between my parents bed and a wall. She instructed me to lie on my back—I did. Then she mounted me and “began to wiggle” as I used to say in that day. I had no idea that I had just been fucked. All I knew was that it felt crazy good. So we continued to engage in this behavior every chance we came into until I was about twelve or so. This is right about the time I realized I was not one in a million to her but rather one of a million, so I quit fuckin with tha nasty bitch.For a long time I wondered if I had been raped (you know, once I found out what rape was) repeatedly for years on end. For years I did consider it rape, and I blamed this for my promiscuity in the years to follow. But now, as a grown man reevaluating the situation, I have to ask myself: 1. why didn’t I put up more of a fight or call out to my sister? 2. Did I like it? 3. Why did I continue on with the behavior for so long? 4. Why did I tell no one? 1. Because I was curious, and in this case - curiosity fucked tha cat.2. Oh yes! Fuck Yeah! God Yes! Yeah! Yeah! Fuck Yes!!!3. Because I enjoyed it so.4. Because I knew that would make it nearly impossible for me to see her; no her—no pussy (pardon me, but that was the official rational at the time Im sure.) I would have to say no, I was not raped, at least not in my mind. I guess you could say I was like clinically raped or something, but I was not personally raped, ya know.For a long time it was just easier for me to accept the role of the victim. It gave me, in my mind, a great excuse for many of my problems. I didn’t really have to own up to anything because it was all that bitches fault. But that wasn’t me as an adult -that was me being childish. As an adult I have come to terms with my role in this scenario. I have made a choice. A decision that I will not give her memory control over any aspect of my life, she has no bearing over my actions. I love sex! Guess what? Im having sex, and she has nothing to do with that.I think it was both of us just being stupid kids. I don’t feel she was doing it for the purpose of being evil. She just knew a really neat trick that could make us get high and she shared that with me because I was around at the time. She didn’t have to do what she did but I didn’t have to play along. I didn’t have to even step one foot it that room alone with her and once I was uncomfortable with the situation - I didn’t know then what I could do but I do know - I could have done something.I realize that many will read this and see things one way or the other but it’s not just that, it’s everything in-between also.You are young and you will make many mistakes in this life. I hope you can realize that it is you that has to make them, because it is you alone that has to learn to deal with them and it is you alone that has to learn from them. So be brave…Take your lifes lessons. Don’t pawn them off on the other party because they fucked up. Im sure the dude will have to deal with it in his time in his way. Sadly it will probably be once he has his own beautiful little girl. I hope that by then he can own up to his own short comings and be a man. He will have to admit it to his baby and tell her all about the dangers of being a child, and how he knows, you know. Hopefully he can come to those terms with himself before it’s too late for his babies.I don’t know, but I think I could have just as easily made his very mistake had I not already been posed the question within myself: Have I been raped.I think that it was the very pondering of this question that made me extremely conscious of the issue of rape. It made me very sensitive to others feelings in times of heated lust. I have since always made it a point to make sure that my lovers are one hundred percent on board when it comes to love making.I, at least, have her to thank for that. And so do my lovers.I hope this hasn’t rub you the wrong way, as Im sure it probably comes off as a little ruff around the edges in some parts, but I didn’t really have time to revise and get my thoughts in the exact order I mean them to mean. Please know and understand that I mean no malice in this…I am simply sharing my experience and my method of dealings there of. If you have read this (you, yeah, you!) and there is anything you have a question about in this message please feel free to contact me at Myspace.com. You can search on me with the name or display name Gil-T. If there is more that one entree I’m the one with “Anchor man” Ron Burgundy’s (Will Ferrell) pic up as my display pic. Feel free to drop me a line. Make sure to make it Re: Did I get raped, so that Ill know that you’re a contact from Dear Cupid. Ill talk to ya.Gil-T
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey people thank you all very much for
your advice and support i am very greatful i have now told my best friend she has said that if this was taken to court the lad would be sent down for rape i havent yet told my partner but i am indeed working on it hope your all good and well and thanks again :) xxx
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A
female
reader, Miss_Oz +, writes (14 August 2007):
 Yes and it was not your fault. You didn't make him think you wanted sex, you said no quite clearly, even though you were drunk; the fact that he did anything sexual without your permission was wrong and the 'sex' was indeed rape. What's more, if he did it so easily to you, he will do it to other unfortunate drunk girls; because he is getting away with his assault on you, he will think it's easy and be encouraged by that. He is a predator. If you can remember who the boys are (not just him, he may have confided to them about what he did and their recount of his words may be needed; friends don't always stick together, especially if a friend's actions could have serious reprecussions for them) then go to the police with their names. If you're still sore even now, physical evidence of forced intercourse may just still be attainable. I think that's been too long however, so prosecution of that monster will likely rely on the testimony of others who saw you and him together at the party and who can confirm that you weren't in any state to consent to sex. In which case, you must tell someone before any more time passes and memories might be lost. I'm very sorry this happened to you; if you are offered a counsillor to talk to (as you likely will be) please do tell them about the self-harming and ask for help. You've been brave so far, now take it just a bit further and help the police send that boy to prison where he ought to be.
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A
female
reader, amber nuttall +, writes (14 August 2007):
I've had the same thing, when i was fourteen. I was raped, but didn't do anything about it.
I hope your coping, all i have to say, atleast he did use a condom.
If you need to talk with someone whos been there before, im happy to chat.
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A
female
reader, Sassy7613 +, writes (13 August 2007):
This pisses me off because the exact same thing happened to me when I was 16...exact same thing (except we were at a house party) I am so sorry this happened to you so please, please, please DO NOT feel guilty about this. This was not your fault and yes he raped you. Just because you'd been drinking does not allow ANYBODY to take advantage of the situation. From experience I'm telling you that you need to tell somebody...I know it was 10 months ago but it took me 12 years to tell someone. I obviously can't press charges or anything but for your own mental and emotional well being please go talk to somebody...I'm 28 now and just finally told my boyfriend that I trust with my whole heart...You will be amazed just knowing that someone knows what you went through - how much better you will feel...Also, please talk to someone professionally who can help you deal and sort out all of the mixed emotions that you are feeling...I was suprised at how much I'd suppressed over the 12 years. One specifically is when you want to have sex again...how you view that and yourself. Honey, you need to also get tested for all STD's...these bastards don't take care of themselves...prayers for you!
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A
female
reader, claire_A +, writes (12 August 2007):
no way!seriously that was rape.i feel so sorry for you and i really hope you are ok you should never feel pressured into doing anything you don't want toxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, Blackruby +, writes (11 August 2007):
It was rape in every definition of the word, not only did you say no, you weren't in a fit state to make that decision if you had said yes. They changed the rape laws over here in the UK recently, to protect people who get drunk and forced to do stuff they don't want to. If the woman doesn't actually say 'yes, I want to have sex with you' it's rape.Get some support, you are gonna need it, for this experience, your self harm and for building your confidence so next time you don't want to drink, you wont.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2007): This wasn't your fault. He raped you! He forced himself on you without your consent. He took advantage of you while you were drunk and he knew you wouldnt be able to fight him off. Did you tell anyone? your friend?parents? You should tell the police even if you can't tell anyone else,this is awful and he might do it to you again or another girl.He needs to be punished for making you go through that.
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A
female
reader, Dancer2007 +, writes (11 August 2007):
I really feel for you. If i were you, i'd report it to the police and go get yourself medically examined.He had absolutely no right to do that to you, and he just took advantage as you'd been drinking. He was older, and should of known better!
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (11 August 2007):
 If you said no, this was rape!! Do a rape kit with the police, and press charges!
DV1
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