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Was something ever there?

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Question - (12 July 2010) 1 Answers - (Newest, 9 November 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

we both come from Indian-Pakistani cultures where guys party and then find a "good girl".

I look like the party type bc I have those friends and have training in makeup. Yet the truth is, while in college I lived at home, am quite a nerd and am so picky and uninterested in guys that I never really get close to them (even my guy friends are those that I continuously bumped into for years before we became close). He was different. I saw him once and felt attracted but then saw him again in my class this Jan. I'm socially smart and knew he was the party type and no, I didn't want to change him. We clicked and the attraction was intense! He made assumptions about my personality based on my looks and friends but then got to know me. Then after we started to flirt more, he embarassed himself in class (the teacher could even tell and answered his Q saying "relationship system" not "renal system") and that day he blocked me from social networks and wrote the quote on his page saying "no regrets". Since ppl noticed I found out from friends, and msged him saying "my pride said not to speak to him again but that I did like him though he was immature and rude." After that he came around me and wouldn't stop staring and smiling. Still, when I catch him staring at something I made, I look down smiling, and he RUNS the other way. That night I see him with a gorgeous girl but he's staring at me the whole time and i just act cool and casual (even though the first second I showed pain). He wasn't even listening to her. I see him next week twice but I avoid him though he comes in my direction and the other time, just stands there staring. 2 weeks later, We bump into each other agian at another event and he glares at me and I want to leave but my friends and these hot guys come and so I stay and he won't stop staring and he soften over.

I see him twice more and the first time I look away bc it hurts so much and my friend is there and I don't want to make a big deal. The second time we're in the same hallway alone. HE stops, looks in my eyes and looks sad or guilty and then down and just stands there. I just froze (he was near the entrance to my class's door). HE then looks at the staircase and walks away.

I bump into the yogurt store and he's with his friends. At first I don't want to go in and turn away but I'm sick of doing this so I go in. He stares at me and smiles and then sits outside fo the store, facing inside, directly facing me (not his friend). I can't study like this so I leave and roll my eyes when I see him and smirk. He looks at me but does that rolled eyes thing back. His friend is staring at me too. I get in my car and realize I won't see him again and go back. his friend and him are quite now. He says "hey" and faces me while his friend just tries to move a bit way. I wanted to ask him about the blocking and ask "can we talk?" and he says "sure what's up?". I wanted to talk alone so I could ask what happened but then decide guys usually just like it casual and say, "I just thought I should say bye since we're graduating." We stare at each other for a good 6-7 seconds. He then gets up and gives me a huge bear hug for just as long, if not longer. I go to my car and am talking on my cell while now he and his friends are talking softly. He goes to his car and then before getting in, looks at me, smiling and confused and cute the way he use to.

At grad, we both catch each other's eyes and then he looks down and is smiling but he's still facing my direction. Since he looked down first, I felt like I lost power again, lol, so I just take my family somwehwere else.

I knew he didn't want a serious relationship but while we were flirting he was so shy...I didn't know what to do. HE's super popular and always around people and talks easily to people and I just couldn't always approach him bc I'm shy and people never leave him alone. Then when he'd try to come near me, my friends would come near us. In retrospect, some of these girls liked him. They would say like, "yea he's cute but your shy and I can set you up with a guy who doesn't party and isn't so wild.". he became shy and nervous. He's never had a public g/f as far as anyone knows. He just PARTIES A LOT. I didn't know how to extend conversations when he did talk to me. He befriended me on facebook and wanted to take it further though I talked to him first and faked needing his cell. He posted this bird that we talked about in class about love and the male bird chasing the girl bird and no one got the msg and all these girls posted on it. I asked him about it and when I found out it was the bird from class, I left a comment, which he deleted but then wouldn't leave me alone the next day. But I got scared and my friends wouldn't leave me alone. Then I told him, I like talking to him ...talk to me more. So he started to dress up, come early, and his friends started to leave him alone. I got scared and didn't go to talk to him though he stood there facing me. then the next day our teacher said that line, and he was so rude to me when we kept bumping into one another and saying "he's super busy" when I finally did try to extend the convo. Granted it was the last day of classes...

I thought this would be a SMALL CRUSH. I initially liked him bc he was hot and intelligent and social. But then I got to see parts of his personality that clicked with me in ways other guys haven't, that I had to settle with other guys for... and I lost it and I was inexperienced. His shyness and vulnerability took my breath away and made me like him MORE. It humanized him whereas before I just wanted to see if I could get this hot guy to like me. He got to know me and realized, not only have i not dated, but I don't know a thing about clubs or partying--the bulk of his free time. I think he realized he wasn't ready for that.But I'll be honest, I may not party but I'm fiercely independent and didn't even expect a relationship from this, let alone marraige.

What do you think happened?

I can't seem to get closure. It's been a month since I've seen him and I keep trying to accept it.

He still has me blocked on my facebook but not the one I gave him the email to block after I msged him (it's a family facebook bc I'm sick of my family always prying on my life and so have 2 accounts).

View related questions: crush, facebook, flirt, immature, shy

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (9 November 2010):

aunt honesty agony auntHi hun i think he though more of his reputation than he did of you, i think to him you were his little guilty secret. He wanted to show you that he liked you and showed you the real him but he backed away. It seems that he is popular and he pretends to be someone he is not, he deleted your comment of his page because he didnt want people to see that you were talking to him and now he has blocked you probably because he wants to keep up his reputation and doesnt want to be seen being shy or nice to you.

You need to accept that you are both different people, even though you might think you connected in a lot of ways he is a fella that will show many personalities and he is not true to himself. He likes the partying hard life were as you have a more mature attitude to life.

You need to just get him off all of your social networking sites and delete his cell number, go out with friends and make new friends and move on, you will get over him in time.

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