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Was my ex right for gettigng upset with me? We've broken up

Tagged as: Breaking up, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 March 2016) 4 Answers - (Newest, 9 March 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *tephanie Davis writes:

Hi guys!

I know your probably bored of me now after asking previous questions so apologies if you are.

I am still quite distraught about whats happened between me and my ex (Please read my other posts if you don't know some of the situation).

When I said he doesn't like me drinking because of acting cheeky such as dirty dancing, being overly affectionate and wanting sex. I feel like he might of had a valid point. I remember when he first saw me drinking it was on my birthday and I was dancing with my cousins and friends and I remember my cousin went to go and get me a drink from the bar and he walks over to her and takes the drink off her and puts it down as if to say that I can't have it. I was tipsy but I wasn't falling over the place or anything, I was happy. My cousin still says to me that he was stupid to do that.

Then on the way home that night, me and him were in the cab and I was joking around with him and pretended to take his shirt off, I was undoing his top buttons. Later he moaned at me saying that the cab man was looking in the mirror and could see me.

I also remember one time when we went out for a meal and I had a glass of wine. We went back to his and I initiated sex with him, I was kissing him and he told me that he just wanted to relax. I kept on cuddling him and carrying on. He started shouting really loud that he just wants to relax and for me to wait. He then got up from the bed and started crying really badly. I felt so bad that I said sorry and held him until he calmed down. I honestly felt so bad. He said that no girl has ever made him cry before.

I know this all sounds pretty immature and what i've done was wrong and I still feel guilty that I made him act like this.

I thought that if someone loves you then they shouldn't easily get annoyed by you or if I'm happy then he should be happy too or is he right for geting upset/angry with me?

PS: He drank sometimes to but I think he only wants to drink when he feels like he's earnt it.

Thank you all the previous comments, I appreciate it!

View related questions: cousin, immature, kissing, my ex

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A female reader, LJCX United Kingdom +, writes (9 March 2016):

LJCX agony auntI was going to say crying about this is a little bit extreme but people don't cry over nothing. Have you asked him if he has had a bad experience with an alcoholic in the past?

Ok he doesn't enjoy being with you when you drink but he's quite distressed about it, not just annoyed by your behaviour he's really emotional and wound up about it all. For a person to go over and take a glass out of your cousins hand he's getting irrational and doing things people normally wouldn't.

You are blaming yourself for everything but he isn't just mildly peeved he's behaving strangely, punching lampposts, crying and screaming in the street.

I suggest you just let him go but if you honestly feel you can't firstly ask him why alcohol upsets him so much and then secondly just don't drink any more. You can't find a compromise where he will be ok with you drinking.

You sound like you just can't handle it all that well. I get drunk quickly but I know a girl who gets so drunk it's quite concerning seeing her lose self control. I don't really know just how bad you get but if you are like her you have to find a way to just stop drinking.

None of us know what you act like he may just be making you feel paranoid and exaggerate the whole thing from what he says. Thing is because you've had a drink you won't recall everything, you said that you forget some things. He has the upper hand there because he was sober the whole time.

Has anybody ever commented on the way you get when you've been drunk before? If this is the first time you've had grief over it then I think you should be a little bit worried about his emotional state.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (9 March 2016):

janniepeg agony auntI am a teetotaler not just by choice but because my body can't break down alcohol. Even my son, who's 10 has a higher tolerance than me. Still, I would not grab a drink from someone. Unless I am dealing with addicts then I would really cry as it's painful for me to watch someone drunk, and wrecking their livers.

Some men are annoyed by tattoos, some by other things that are not considered lady like. I would say your ex was a bit up tight. I am sure you had behaved this way with your other past boyfriends but had not encountered this problem.

He only drinks when he earned it? That sounds odd. He sounds like someone who's anti hedonist. In social situations it's hard to avoid drinks and spirits.

It makes sense that if you are happy your partner should be happy too. Your ex found your behavior after drinks to be unattractive, so he could not be turned on by you. He can't help with what he's turned on and off by. Still he was overreacting. His crying was not just about not being able to relax. He found that he can't live with a drinker. He saw the end before you did.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2016):

I'm not gonna say he's a bad guy or your necessarily wrong for what you did. Just that things happen and people miscommunicate all the time. Heck my girl gets frisky when I'm feeling tired all the time. It can be annoying when she tries several times but I just look at her and laugh it off while I let her know I'm tired and she gets the point. And when I want it I literally follow her around the apartment and of course she is not in the mood and doesn't give it to me. My point is its okay to get annoyed or angry with each other it happens. You guys, especially him, need to communicate without getting emotional. Their is no point of throwing a temper tantrum because your a little uncomfortable from your significant other. Try to control yourself when you drink and try not to do the things he doesn't like when you are tipsy. Tell him that you are trying make him happy and that he needs to be more patient with you since you care and are trying and vice versa. After all we all forget sometimes, its human.

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A female reader, Stephanie Davis United Kingdom +, writes (8 March 2016):

Stephanie Davis is verified as being by the original poster of the question

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-used-to-tell-him-that-we-should.html

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/did-my-boyfriend-act-unreasonable-in-this-situation.html

These are my previous questions!

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