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Was I wrong to ask if she would mind scanning her notes? And why did she say yes, and then not bother? And now ignores me?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 November 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 1 December 2012)
A male Portugal age 30-35, *rigin writes:

I want to share this with you people and please give me your opinion I need some help here Thanks :).

Ok so I started a course on July, its only 2 times a week and since the first day I've been talking to 2 girls that seemed to be friendly, I also talked to a guy but he left the course.

Anyway last week I had a test and two days before I asked one of the 2 girls a favor, usually I take my own notes but last week I didn't so I texted her asking if she had a scanner she said yeah and asked me if I needed anything and I said that if she could scan her notes and send them to me it would be great she didn't text me back.

The next day (the day before the test) she texted me saying that she didn't forget about sending me the notes I texted her back saying that it would help me a lot, later that day I saw her online on Facebook I waited like 10 min for her to say something but she didn't so I asked her if she managed to scan her notes, and then she said that she was working on it, after that she went offline and I waited until one am for something but still nothing not even a text saying something like "hey I couldn't scan the notes" she just didn't care about it.

I needed some sleep so I texted her "well I don't know if you scanned the notes probably not but thanks anyway" and I went to bed.

The next day (test day) she said nothing before the test not even a "good morning" she just pretended that I wasn't there and after the test she did the same.

I'm not mad at her for not scanning and sending me the notes, I'm mad at her because she said nothing before and after the test! If she said something like "Sorry I didn't have time to do it" or even "Sorry I was too lazy" I wouldn't be mad about it.

The thing is I'm mad at her she knows it and still ignores me something that she never did before so tell me am I wrong? And by the way what should I do?

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A male reader, Origin Portugal +, writes (1 December 2012):

Origin is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Dont worry i won't rely on her ever again but what should i do now? Play the silent game or confront her? Another thing that i don't understand is that she doesn't leave me alone, she's always around me maybe because her friend is around me too but i dont want to stop talking to her friend.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (1 December 2012):

Honeypie agony auntI would not have relied only on her to get a copy of the notes. But learn from this TAKE your own notes and if you are missing from class one day ask someone else for a photocopy not for them to scan it. It is 10 times easier.

She didn't want to scan them for you, or she didn't know how to do so. She is under NO obligations to share her notes with you. But she should have been upfront and just told you no, if she didn't want to share. Most likely she didn't know how to say no, in a polite way.

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A male reader, Origin Portugal +, writes (1 December 2012):

Origin is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I like when people are sincere if she didnt want to send me the notes she could simply say "No" i wouldnt be mad about it but since she accepted it the least she could do was saying that she didnt have time or something.

You're right i should have asked someone else but i'm only close to those 2 girls and the other one's father had an heart attack recently so i didnt want to bother her.You also said "maybe she thinks you talk to her just for favors" well thats really not me at all i talk to her since day 1 because she seemed friendly and a person that i could trust. Oh and another thing she asked me for favors before and i helped her not because i dont want to look like a bad person but because i like to help my friends when they need.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2012):

I don't think you're wrong, but personally, I dislike it when people ask me for notes - although I say yes because, if not, I'd seem like a bad person (people usually give me "bad day" stories before asking me for notes). When people do ask, I give my notes - unlike your classmate here.

Maybe she had something else on her mind. I mean, you've talked to her before so it's not as if you walked up to a stranger and asked them for their notes, which they've worked hard on.

However, unless you guys are close, you shouldn't have relied on her. You could've asked someone else since she was taking so long. To her, maybe she took offense, such as "I only know this guy from class; I said I'd get him the notes and he keeps pestering me about it like it's my responsibility to cover him when he misses class." Kind of dramatic, but people have bad days and begin to think those type of thoughts.

Maybe she also got the impression that you only talk to her for notes? By this, I mean, classmates act friendly towards each other only because they perceive in the future that they'll have to ask for notes. I don't know if that's the case, but look back and see if that's a possibility.

With that all said, maybe it's better to forget it ever happened. It's not a big deal. Next time, ask someone with a laptop - more convenient to shoot an email than scan paper-based notes.

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