A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello auntsI'm at a low phase in life right now. In academics, career and health. I'm doing everything possible to set those things right. I feel people take advantage of my niceness. I used to be naive and vulnerable before and never stand up for myself but now I've changed a lot with age. But then I think I'm still allowing men to take advantage of me. There is this very good friend of mine who I know from 5 years. We used to work together and liked each other. He was someone who has good reputation and I know very well. We fell in love very quickly since we already liked each other from a long time. Everything was going great. We felt like we're perfect in our compatibility and wished to talk to our parents in due course and get married. A few days after having sex he tells me that he spoke to his parents and they will never agree for an intercaste marriage. That's believable because he's from a conservative background. It's been a few weeks and I am feeling okay. A lot of things spoken..the way events happened..I feel somewhere it was all planned and maybe I was used. I am not sure but my instincts and logically looking as well it is quite clear what happened. Was I wrong to trust and fall in love with a friend? If it was anybody else I wouldn't have gotten sexual that fast. I'm really hurt and lost my trust on men even further. Earlier also I have been cheated on in another relationship. I'm sincere and sometimes too innocent. I can see it has cost me a lot in other things in life too. I need some experienced advice here on what I should do with myself! Is it always true that if you are good and nice to people everyone will take advantage and you'll end up being alone and mediocre?
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female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (23 September 2018):
I know you are hurting from the tone of your letter but time will heal the hurt and hopefully you will have learned a lesson from this experiences.First of all nice people Only are taking advantage of ..if they themselves allowed this to happen.For example when your friend suggested ..sex you had the..CHOICE...to say no...but you choose yes.Lets be very clear about this ..Your friend as you stated comes from a conservative background....but did not respect or was not conservative with you.Also note before he had sex with you..he knew beforehand his parents view on intercaste marriage...this is something that would have been spoken many times in the family.Right now for you its a time for healing....and remember the ..Choice...is yours no matter what you decide in the future or at whatever level.Kind regards NORA B.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (4 September 2018):
 Bot much you can do about it now.
My advice? Don't sleep with a man until you are both on the same page.
Can it be that he just wanted to sleep with you and never intended marriage? Sure OR he might be telling the truth. An YOU both should have considered that one or both sets of parents COULD say no. Which again, is why you should have waited with the sex.
However, if he WAITED 5 years for an opportunity to have sex with you it doesn't make much sense.
I think you need to take responsibility for your OWN choices. Be it in partner or bedfellows. The thing is YOU CAN NOT know that a guy might cheat on you, so do not blame yourself for that. YOU didn't make him cheat, that choice was his.
And no, being good and nice doesn't mean people will take advantage. But if you PRESUME that everyone around ALWAYS tell you the truth, then you need to learn to take things with a grain of salt.
Regardless of everything, know that his "friend" is not someone for you, there is no future with him - so cut him out of your life.
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