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anonymous
writes:OK before you judge me as a silly 17yr old please look at what i have to say first.Im 17 and have been seeing my current boyfriend for about 3weeks. We havent had deep conversations about children yet but what he doesnt know is that i would do anything for a baby of my own. he isnt the biggest fan of kids and goes off his head at the slightest mention of them! I know babies arent all fun and games but im 100% positive im ready Emotionally and financially. I have done 3 college courses and i get restless because i know its not college or a career i want! So far my teenage years havent exactly been great! The problem is i dont know how my family would take it if i became pregnant and how do i become pregnant with a stubborn boyfriend??? Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, silent_whispers +, writes (5 June 2007):
Hey, firstly the most obvious thing that struck me is that you seem very insecure- you are telling us not to judge you as a silly 17 year old before anyone has even thought anything. I can understand why you want a baby, because as well as the negatives that most people focus on-a child is a blessing. But you need to take some things into account. Firstly, your only 17, if you have a child, its a full-time responsibility, and ive known many girls who change their minds after the baby is born and then dump the baby with their mother, so be 110% sure, and even then, get some advice from past teenage mothers. secondly, if you want a baby, thats your choice, but you cannot force or even convince your bf for a baby, because he thinks and feels differently, especially if he isnt too fond of babies, is it really a good idea to have a child with him? consider your relationship, is it a strong long term thing?are you guys serious, and would he stick around if he found out your pregnant, because some guys run away thinking the girl has trapped them. I know you want a baby, and i think the main reason is, because you wana give love and attention and you wana be able to hold that baby and know in your heart that its yours, but you need to think are you mentally prepared. iT IS difficult financially and emotionally, and the last thing you want is regret. It can be tempting with other girls having babies, and it seems really easy when we visit friends or family with babies, but try having those dolls, which are just like babies.e.g they cry and everything, have that for about a week, and see how you cope. I wouldn't recommend having a baby at 17, but thats my opinion, its difficult making such big decisions at 17, because you will grow and develop further, i am sure your a capable person, just carry on working hard, get a flat and a full-time job, discuss matters with both family and your boyfriend and then take things from there, good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2007): You have NO IDEA how hard it is to bring up children when you are in your thirties let alone your age. For gods sake, get a life, a job, a career, travel. do something. A baby at your age is just saying you are lazy and that will give you something to do. No wonder this country has gone to pot.
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (31 May 2007):
 Hi Anonymous,The first thing that caught my eye is that you are very selfish. Sorry, but that's the impression I got. Let me explain: having the baby seems to be about *you* - period. You don't care about how the boyfriend feels about all of this and you seem to think it would also throw your family for a loop - BUT you don't seem to care. Don't you think this would show you are not ready for a baby? You need to consider becoming selfLESS and less selfish. If you don't agree, then you can always write back and explain how you don't think you're a selfish person. Maybe I'm wrong...Also, you're going to have to learn there is more to being prepared for a baby than just being emotionally and financially ready. Have your read any books on pregnancy? It doesn't seem like you have since you're ready to dive in - perhaps without any support - at your age, so I would get started. Read about what pregnancy entails - ALL of what it entails. And speak with your doctor, as well. Be sure to research and ask about what complications can arise. Are you SURE that you - at 17 - are emotionally stable if you were to have a miscarriage or a stillborn? What if your baby ends up being brain damaged? Are you ready for that? Nobody is ever really ready for this, but I can imagine it would be harder for someone as young as you to have to endure that amount of sadness, upset, and responsibility. And especially if the boyfriend did not support you. You'd have to do all of that without his support. is your family in a position to step in if you need help? Don't assume they are - you need to ask them.Everyone pretty much covered everything else that I would have said, so I just have one more thing to add. Since you seem to be so baby-crazy, why not get a job at a day care center or work as a nanny. It will help calm the urge to have a child and will also be a great learning experience. It seems like you just want to have someone to give your love to - and these children would be very greatful for the time and care you would give them.Take care.
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (31 May 2007):
 3 WEEKS????!!!! That in itself tells me you are no way near emotionally ready to bring another human being into this world.
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reader, TELLULAH + ♥, writes (31 May 2007):
 Hi,
If you really thought this was a good idea, you would have just done it.
You could go ahead on your own, and end up claiming bennifits, and getting to your thirty's and be mature enough to realise what a stupid mistake you made when you were 17. Thousands of Girls do it, so another wasted youth will hardly matter.
Or you could take the smarter option, and wait a while till you meet Mr Right, not Mr alright. And get a great job and have some adult freedom before you are tied down by Kids.
Believe me when I say, its not all its cracked up to be. Have you ever thought that maybe there is something missing in your life, and thats why you want a baby so bad. Its up to you what you want to do, at the end of the day. But a child is for life, and its a massive responsibility. Its very hard work, even if there are 2 of you. I was unfortunate enough to be left by my ex husband with 2 young children, to bring up on my own. I can tell you from first hand experience, its no laugh having to do 3 jobs to make ends meet, unless you want to claim off the goverment and not bother working. That seems a popular choice these days.
I know I sound like I'am ranting, but you have to be realistic. How can you possibly afford to have a baby at 17, with no income. And maybe no boyfriend.
Think about it XX
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female
reader, hilda +, writes (31 May 2007):
STOP AND THINK! i know how u are feeling i was exactaly the same i met agreat man and fell pregnant at 17 we ended up getting married and having 2 more children but it all got 2 much for him and he started drinking and all we did was fight and it is not the enviroment any child should go through.he died six months ago and now my children have no dad.although i love all my children and would not change them for anything its been tough going all the way and i feel i have missed out on a lot. you can not get the best theses years back you need to enjoy them build a stable future for yourself and find mr right and enjoy a relationship with him before jumping in and having a baby.
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reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (31 May 2007):
You cannot get pregnant with this guy. Why? Because he doesn't want what you want...he is using his head! Having a baby is a decision that is decided by 2 people. So unless he agrees to it..you may have to accept that any baby you want...will come later.
No, I don't think this is a good idea at 17, to have a child. You had a crappy adolecense up to now. Why not work on educating yourself, making your life the best it can be by getting a good paying job and getting your career off the ground. Sometimes teen girls who are unhappy think a baby will fulfill their own emotional needs. Babies don't do that, dear. They are fun, cute and wonderful, but babies are the ones that have the unrelenting, huge emotional 'needs' that must be accomodated, night and day-to flourish, to be healthy and grow up happily. So one has to stop thinking about what 'she needs' and think of this what this baby will need. When a Mother puts her baby's needs over and above her own and anyone else's needs, in this world...this is the true mark of a mature, solid Mother. You need to realize the incredibly profound responsibility that entails the act of giving birth. From the moment of birth, your whole future and your life changes and the responsibilities that come with raising a new person, are monumentous. So how do many young mothers do it? Well, it is darn hard work, a lot of sleepless nights, constant round of diaper changes, and it requires lots of work and giving up a lot of hopes, dreams, plans and an education. Young children can never be left alone, and their health and safety must be constantly monitored. This is a full-time, round-the-clock obligation. This no walk in the park, dear. Your whole life will revolve around this child 24/7. You will be fully obligated to exchange all the fun and freedom to do whatever you want... now, to doing for what is best for this new infant. Your life will revolve totally around this child and the proper nutring and care of this baby. I have to say, there will be joys but there will be a lot of hardship, sacrifices for you, both emotionally and financially.
All, I am saying is if you feel you are mature enough to get pregnant and have a child, make darn sure you are old enough to shoulder the responsibilities. With a new baby, your further education could be put on the back-burner, indefinitely. It may never happen. This is why many young people will postpone all emotional/sexual entanglements, usually have a better footing in their lives.They wait until they are done their education, they get established, they learn, they gain more life wisdom, maturity, insightfulness and ...then they settle down and have a family.
I also strongly believe, before any young woman makes a baby, she needs a committed, loving husband, not just a boyfriend. Your baby needs two parents married and totally committed to each other. If I were you, I'd wait, get your education and career underway and then in about 7 years, marry this good, caring bf of yours, who will support you while you stay home and care for your baby. Do not expect any less. But in order to do that, he needs to get his life in order and have a career. Because raising children is not cheap. I sure hope at 17 years old, he's well on his way, in that direction. Because this baby will require a truckload of supplies, food and other essentials.
My advice, no matter how the 'baby-urge' has hit you...Wait and have that wonderful baby with your bf when the two of you are old enough and willing to stand together and proclaim in a marriage ceremony that you are partners for life. Any other option is third-rate and not good enough for any baby. Please think this through-don't allow your emotions to overrule your better judgment. I recommend you listen to the counsel and wisdoms of people who care for you like your mother, aunt, older sister, or an adult good friend. Sit with them and really have a heart to heart about this. Research what is involved in raising a child. And never, ever force your bf to be a Father. He does not want this--accept that. Having a child is serious stuff, hun. And it sounds like he's thinking with a good head...now you need to put your needs away and think the same way. Good luck, dear and give this time..live life and enjoy the freedom of youth....
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reader, flower girl +, writes (31 May 2007):
 I was nineteen when i had my first child and although i love him to bits i have got to say at now thirty myself i feel i am only just starting to get MY life back enjoy your younger years also i have found that nw i have a daughter of three i have so much more patience than i did when i had my first. xx
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reader, candy00s +, writes (31 May 2007):
 this sounds like a new relationship - 3 weeks isnt that long to be with someone and know someone 100%.
He might like the idea of kids but think that you are both too young at the moment.
I think you should take time to get to know one another, once you have a baby your lives will change.
A baby should be wanted by both parents, you cant make your boyfriend want to have kids.
If you are determined children is the next step for you then maybe your boyfriend isnt the right guy - he isnt ready to settle and have a family.
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reader, hugs2muchgal +, writes (31 May 2007):
 I understand that you really want a child and understand the consequences, but do you really?You say you don't want college or a job, but say you can support a child? Unless you have a trust fund that is enormous you need to have a job to pay for the baby.You've been with your boyfriend for three weeks and he doesn't want a baby. You can't force him to have one with you and you can not get away with tricking him. He'd be angry and since you are only 17 your parents may make you have an abortion.Also I don't believe you are emotionally ready, afterall you exaggerated about your boyfriend's reaction, meaning you could just want attention.I'm not judging you by your age but I suggest that you babysit someone's kid for a weekend alone, or help at a local orphanage for awhile. See if you really can handle kids full time alone. Because your boyfriend will leave you and you will be a single mother (with no college or job...not easy)It's all up to you what you do but I suggest you don't have a baby yet, wait until you find the right man and stage in your life and until then work with children, afterall they might be your calling since you love children.Hugs
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reader, DV1 +, writes (30 May 2007):
 Before you're ready to have a baby, you've got to have an education, and a steady income, not to mention a place to house it. You're way too young! As much as I want one, I'm waiting, because I want to be able to give my child everything. If you really want to be a good parent, you'll want the same.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2007): You don't want to do this . . . just yet IMHO! You've got way too much life in front of you! There are so many opportunities right around the corner that I will guarantee you that, you don't even know they exist yet. If you decide to have a baby right now, you will greatly reduce your future opportunities because your main focus will be the baby for the next 18 years. Further, you've only known this guy for 3 weeks which is not long enough. In my opinion, you haven't matured enough to know what you like and don't like . . . . just yet. I don't say this in a bad way; it's just a fact of life for everyone that's 17 years old.
Go live life to its fullest and meet lot's of people so that you can figure out what you like and don't like 1st.
Just my two cents
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reader, kenny + ♥, writes (30 May 2007):
 You don't mention how old your boyfriend is, so i am going to assume he is your age. In which case although you are all maternal at the moment and feel you are ready for motherhood, he obviously feels it not the time in his life for fatherhood.
theoretically girls are five years ahead of boys in the maturity steaks, so the likellhood he is not going to be ready for some time.
I know you are going to hear this in other replies but you are still so young, and have got so much life to see and things to do before being tied down for the next 16 or 17 years. Also you have only been with your boyfriend for three weeks, do you know him well enough to have his child. Why don't you both have a few good years together, go on some nice holidays, weekends away, get some memories to look back on before you get tied down with children. Get to know your boyfriend more, because personally i don't think being with someone for three weeks is long enough to say let. have a child together.
Please think long and hard that this is what you want before you bring a child into this world because both you lives will change dramatically.
All the best of luck x
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2007): Its quite simple. you don't. If you like him, you would get the hint thats he feels hes not ready - and respect this. Besides - you've only been with him 3 weeks!
you shouldn't be thinking about kids this soon into a relationship - for a start you need to get to know eachother properly first, and besides, you owe it to any child you may have to bring them up in a solid, loving relationship. what happens if you get pregnant and then he dumps you 2 weeks later?
I don't think your ready even though you say you are. Just explain your feelings to your bf, and listen to his. wait untill your SURE you wants kids with him, and he wants them with you first before you do anything.
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reader, Jamer70 +, writes (30 May 2007):
 Well firstly just to get it out of the way. Your 17!! Even if you are emotionally ready which i truely doubt you are you are not finacially ready to look after yourself let alone a child of your own.
For the rest ill ignore the 17 part
You've been with your bofriend 3 weeks this is not a very long time at all, some people wait years to have kids, some even longer. Also assuming your boyfriend is the same age he is not old enough for kids either.
Last,y you cantget pregnant with your "stubborn" boyfriend as firstly having a baby is a two person deal. Both need to be emotionally and these days finacially ready to commit to this, and its for the next 18 years. I doubt he is ready for this. Secondly assuming he is your age he hasnt lived his life and neither have you, enjoy your childhood and in 5 or so years you can have children.
Lastly i doubt your family will be very pleased with you having kids.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy boyfriend doesnt go off his head. i exagerated! he just goes quiet and changes the subject!
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