A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was 20 when I lost my virginity to my first boyfriend, at the time we were not in love and I always wanted to wait until I was either in love or married, but with him it felt right so we did it and we eventually fell in love. Now we're not together and I'm not sure if I regret losing my virginity or not. I don't regret giving my all to him I just wish I could give my all to the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with..I'm just afraid my husband won't love me now that I'm not virgin, and I wish I could take back all the pain my ex put me through...but I learned a lot too and I know that I'm a good person and my husband should be able to look past my past...I guess I'm just confused about my virginity and how I feel about losing it...can someone help me pin point this feeling?
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female
reader, venere +, writes (14 July 2010):
I don't understand why there are double standards! Guys can have sex all they want and not feel any remorse or regret, and still women accept them. You have regreted, and probably repented in a religious case, so don't dwell on it. The past is the past and WHOEVER loves you should accept that and love you for the kind of person you are. I'm pretty sure that your future husband won't be a virgin and mostly has had more than one sexual partners. Also, you have the RIGHT to not discuss your past with anyone! Your past is yours and no one elses! If your religious God is merciful, so you should move on and continue to live your life w.out worry.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): There is nothing much you can do about it sister once you lost it. obviously you could not have done it and you did not have to post in this forum. But past can not be changed in this world and you KARMAs will always be with you. Now what best you can do in future..1) Give your best of love and trust to you husband.2) Be together with him till death bed3) face the world as a couple. not as you and him, i feel you will get out of it.
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (12 July 2010):
The comments from "male reader, anonymous" excellent.
You will not be able to give the next guy anything as significant as you gave to your ex. Yes, this will matter to some guys. And if it does, they will either learn to look past it, or they will not be your next. At the other extreme there are probably some guys who are reassured, knowing that somebody else has found you desirable, at least as a sex partner.
But it IS a part of what makes you, YOU. And right now it's a BIG part. Probably the worst things you could do would be either minimizing or denying your previous relationship, or else inflating it to a much bigger thing than what it was.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): If you didn't mind sleeping with the ex then you would not have come her asking the question. You clearly do feel guilty about it.
But you are also worrying about something that has not happened yet. You have not met your husband yet and you don't know how he will feel about your past.
"If he really loves you then he won't care" is bullshit, I'm afraid. If he really loves you then he might care a lot.
Or he might not. A lot of guys would love to marry a virgin these days but a lot fewer of them actually expect to have it happen. And a lot of other guys are fine with it as long as they feel like you've kept sex inside of committed relationships.
The important thing is that what you've done and been through with your ex is now a part of you. Maybe a very big one. Your future husband can't have the pre-ex version of you any more than you can now. So just make sure that is not who he is falling in love with. No lying about this past relationship or pretending it was a minor thing. Your future man is less likely to feel bothered by it if he always sees that it is inseperable from who you are now.
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A
female
reader, amandanash  +, writes (12 July 2010):
My boyfriend just broke up with me last week, and a reason for it was because he lost his virginity before me and didn't feel like he was good enough for me. Regardless if this was an excuse or not, I loved him and saw past it and accepted him for who he was and what he had done. I wanted to work through it with him. Help him forgive himself and let him know that I cared so much about him and wanted to help him see that even though he had done this, he was still a wonderful person. Someone will one day be the same with you! They will forgive and accept the things you have done because of love! But before you can love, you need to forgive yourself for what you've done and love yourself for who you are.
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A
female
reader, love.lover.heartbreaker.brokenhearted. +, writes (12 July 2010):
 one: what is done is done and beating yourself up about it will do nothing, what we need to do is find a solution.two: if your husband loves you, he will love you for you and not your virginity, when it comes to love sex is only a tiny part of it. If you really love someone and they really love you, the relationship will not be based off sex. he will love you for who you are and not a mistake that you made in the past.three: its ok to regret but don't dwell on it, don't let it pull you down, and its also ok not to regret it but not neccessarily be proud of it. however you feel about it is ok; it happened and now you move on and take what you can from the experience and use it in your life now. But live in the present not the past.
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