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Using a condom makes me lose my erection and it's happening every time!

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 January 2006) 155 Answers - (Newest, 11 July 2011)
A male , *ickyy writes:

I'm a 24 years old guy and I have a 25 years old girlriend. Nowadays I'm going through a stupid funny thing which is becoming a very annoying thing.

I had a very much normal erection but whenever I wore a condom and when I get ready to insert my penis, it was getting flacid(soft) and I never ejaculated. She tried sucking it, stroking it, she even masturbated in front of me to try and get it back - nothing worked! And this thing is getting almost every time now. I masturbate regualarly, and have no problem getting or maintaining an erection. I use to masterbate while watching porn stuff.

Another problem with me is this that I'm not enjoying sex at all. I think I enjoy masturbating more than sex. Even I'm trying to reduce masturabation now and I'm also concentrating on healthy diet but still nothing is changing. I just can not concentrate on sex and don't know why some other things start distracting my mind while doing sex. My problem might be due to that but I'm really not sure at all.

Just due to this I have even started avoiding my gf coz I really feel embarrassed in that sort of situation. Plz show me the right way. I really don't want to spoil my relationship with my gfrd.

Me and my grf sometimes think that this might be happening due to condoms coz I always get erection and I just couldn't maintain it, especially after wearing a condom. But we're not sure whether this thing has got something to do with condoms or it's just in our minds.

plz try to help me friends.

View related questions: condom, ejaculate, erection, lose my erection, my penis, porn

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A male reader, r0s United Kingdom +, writes (11 July 2011):

started using condoms after the wife came off the pill after 5 years of great sex and they have effected our sex life. Personally the smell has a big impact on me and of course there is not much feeling after you slide it on so then you start to worry if our dick is hard enough to perform meanwhile your trying your best to satisfy her ! complete nightmare and if it screws with your brain it will screw with your dick.

the strange thing is a few nights ago we just started to make out and got it on , i didn't even think about the condom and i stayed hard for about 30 minutes and it was great but after a few days im back to going soft after foreplay which sucks !

i've asked the mrs to go back on the pill ! i need that warm feeling and condoms aint doing much for me.. or her :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011):

I am glad to know that there are other men with this problem. I am a 36 year old male the first time I can remember having condom issues was when I was a teenager but now they have gotten worse. It feels like I am pumping a dry hole honestly I hate the feeling. I can have an erection and lose it trying to before getting it in or switching positions that is a horrible feeling it make me not even want to bother with sex at all. I even took a half of a Viagra pill and that did not work. The only way I can get a full erection is to feel the wetness. I do not even get a full erection anymore, and yes I have self pleasure myself but I will not do it anymore.

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A male reader, mancat United Kingdom +, writes (15 April 2011):

I have suffered from this problem for years till I changed how I thought about condoms using the technique below. It works!

THE PROBLEM

Arousal and sex are a mental and physical process from kissing and foreplay to the completion of sex and involve various steps during the process. As important as condoms are these days they are not natural so introducing a condom during the sexual process can 'break the pattern' of sex. In the same way as if your parents walked in when you were about to get jiggy - might put you off! Of course this leads you to end up losing your erection. Guys who have not had a lot of experience with condoms (ie. been able to use them to completion without problems) are prone to this. The first time it happens, it is very humiliating and embarrassing and your mind associates these emotions with condoms. Condoms become an anchor, attached to these negative feelings. So a vicious cycle is created and next time you go to reach for a condom even the thought alone is enough to lose your wood, so unless you follow the steps below you will most likely experience it again.

THE SOLUTION

If you have experienced the loss of an erection due to using condoms you are likely in a negative emotional loop and attach negative thoughts to using condoms, thus you now focus on whether or not you will be able to keep it up when you put one on - not a very sexy thought is it?

Basically, you need to change from worrying about using condoms to thinking about how amazing it will be and focus on what you want (how to have lots of sexual pleasure) and not what you don't want (worrying if your dick will go soft!). We get what we focus on in life.

So, we need to start giving the condom positive associations.

Try the following 2 steps:

1/. Change how you think of a condom. It is your friend who will allow you have an unbelievable amount of pleasure without catching anything nasty. You need to start thinking of the condom as your friend that will allow you to sleep with girls with peace of mind. Start to think 'Johnny time' means you're about to get lucky! When you masturbate, practice putting on condoms. Do this so you can maintain an erection and cum with a condom. Try to enjoy the feeling of the condom, the smell etc and associate it to the sex your about to have.

2/. What you also need to do is when your alone mentally visualise yourself having sex and performing really well (without condom first) - once you have done this continue to imaging yourself having great sex and then imagine you put on a condom (how do you feel emotionally?) If your feelings change to anxious feelings inside, keep trying until you can mentally imagine having great sex and pleasing your girl whilst wearing a condom. Think sexy thoughts and focus on your gf. Focus on her ass, tits, lips, her face as you do her really well etc. Try not to masturbate until you are very hard and then practice with a condom.

This is important as unless you can imagine it in your mind first, then when it comes to the real deal you won't be able to do it. You need to change your negative associations to positive ones.

Hope that helps, if you like my answer rate it below.

Peace.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2011):

It's nice to know there are other people there in the same situtation I have the problem I lose an erection when I put the comdom on. Thing is my mind is right, the girl I love so much is amazing as when this happens shes so reassuring and she loves me so much. It hurts me so much cause I get angery about it and I reserve it she knows that I do :( I would love to please her the way that she deserves cause she is my everything and it does hurt inside when i feel like I have F**ked up.

But i am planning to discuss this matter with the GP as its seem the smartest plan of action and if that fails i am going to go out in all lengths to find a solution.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011):

Hey I agree with you the same thing happened with me today and my girl tried everything but the condom thing kills my erection as well :( We were so close but it didn't happen I get soft just holding the condom... She's going to try and go on the pill so hopefully that works. Thank God others experienced this problem caused it embarrassed me and I was afraid I was the only one _

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011):

How to put this..... Well I'll put it bluntly.

The condom doesn't feel natural to your penis so it is losing it's erection.... That's all there really is to it.

You might want to try using a pill or a vaginal ring instead, these do not protect from STD's though so its you and your girls choice.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011):

Shop around, you can find larger condoms and condoms that are ribbed on the inside that are stimulating. I've had this problem myself and it's usually because the condoms are too tight.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011):

hi,

see if you can explain this to me!

i am 21 and have only had one girlfriend. i broke up with her after 4 years over a week ago, since then i have feelings for a girl i have had a crush on for years, she is extremely attractive and every time i put a condom on I lose my erection. I can maintain an erection easily with oral/handjob but when it comes to a condom, everything

its not the first time we tried to have sex, we tried earlier after a night out and i couldn't perform with one on either. this is partly due to the alcohol i know but this has happened two times now, i am worried about it. i really want to impress her.

with my previous girlfriend we didnt use a condom (she was on the pill) and i could go for ages!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011):

SOLUTION!!!!!!!!

i'm 17 i got the same problem. I'm fine without condom and then once condom goes on i go soft until it comes off. follow steps to fix problem.

1. Stop masturbating for a minimum of 3-4 days before sex

2. in the days leading up to the sex play with your penis but don't ejaculate (tease your self)

3. If still having trouble while having sex close your eyes and think of something that really turns you on.

for the first last last week i was able to have sex with a condom without going soft.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011):

I had the same problem which lead to psychological erectile dysfunction. It takes a lot of focus! Really just try to push everything else out of your mind and focus on the feelings. It sounds a little crazy but it worked for me. Good luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010):

You are not alone bro! Me and my girl has used a variey of different condoms and we can only use certain condoms becuase she is very sensitive to latex. It irratates her. I start off good with an erection but not the stiff one i get during foreplay even, bt when i put the condom on after about 10mins he goes soft! And im like WTF! So then ill take it off go down on her for a little while I would start to rub her kitty with my jimmy i get that stiff erection again it really sucks because we tried to used different condoms and all can anyone help me out with this one?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010):

I have the same problem. I dislike that new "trojan condoms" commercial stating "it feels like there's nothing there". That is a lie. Condoms desensitize the hell out of my penis. Try to masturbate with a condom on and see if the same things happens...if you can't get it up, then it's definitely the condom.

If you are able to masturbate successfully and maintain an erection with a condom on, there are other things that may be the cause. Ways to make your penis more erect and to increase your performance would be:

1) Cardiovascular exercise

2) Healthy diet (I know you said you've tried this, but keep it up)

3) Medications, especially anti-depressents or medications that lower cholesterol--many of these are known to have sexual side affects

4) Get sexual enhancement drugs, like levitra, viagra, or cialis--this helps to increase blood flow and keep your penis erect

There's two other possibilities that might be with you're state of mind:

5) Are you physically attracted to this woman? The first real relationship I had I was never sexually attracted to the girl...people have always told me (including my dad) that once you get to know someone you didn't at first find attractive, their looks will grow on you and you will become attracted. This is NOT the case...There has to be some kind of sex appeal so you have something to work with.

6) Are you very experienced in sex? It's possible--and only you know this, so don't get offended--that you're not quite ready to have sex, or at least are not quite comfortable enough with this particular partner. Not all men are able to jump in the sack with just anyone, ever if they're super hot. For me, there must be a mutual understanding--knowledge that the two of us are comfortable with one another.

Note: From studies I've read, most men have some sort of sexual dysfunction with a new partner. It might take a couple times to truly become comfortable with her. It upsets me when a woman thinks you're not attracted to her if you can't get it up the first time--it seems most of them refuse to understand male anatomy/psychology and take it personal. This happened to me once--I couldn't perform with a girl the first time and she never gave me a second chance. I was on an antidepressant, zoloft, and I stopped taking it, and she promised it would happen again, and it never did...and it drove me crazy. Not cool at all to lead a guy on like that.

It seems your partner truly does like you, as she is being patient with you.

Good luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010):

I don't experience a loss of an erection when I put condoms on. However, when I put a tight condom on, I lose an erection. It's a little embarrassing to say the least. I read somewhere that the more comfortable the condom feels, the more you'll be able to maintain your erection.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010):

Lets be honest and admit that the main poster has likely since simply started ignoring the thread. So my reply will not be directed towards him but rather towards other men who have ran into this issue.

I was affected heavily by this issue, to be honest. Yes, I'm a heavy masturbator (3 or 4 times a day during periods without a girlfriend or gainful employment), I have been for years and intend to keep it that way.

Don't just 'stop masturbating' (though that can help) as all that leaves you is a very quick shot and one success. Do you really want to have to go without Rosy Palm and her five sisters for days (or weeks) on end any time you want to have sex? I thought not.

Try this instead, masturbate differently. Use lube, if you don't. Yes, try masturbating with the condom on, but also try softer touches, full hand, only fingers. The problem could not just be that you've 'cum too much', but rather that you have trained your body to a specific sensation for sexual pleasure and fulfillment.

If you're getting soft just looking at the condom, or the moment it touches then your problem is likely mental instead of physical. To get past this problem I would reccommend simply scaling back on your masturation (not ending).

Here is where it gets a bit involved. Don't stroke yourself to completion when you /do/ masturbate. Instead, stroke to the point of nigh completion and then put on the condom. If done right, the pent up need will over-ride any mental issues, finish up once you have the condom on, do this repeatedly, putting the condom on a bit earlier every other time (or so, the progress depends on you.)

Warning: Don't do this too long, you don't want to end up in the reverse position and end up /needing/ a condom to reach orgasm.

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A male reader, j86 United Kingdom +, writes (5 December 2010):

I'm 24, and this has been happening to me on a regular basis for the past year or so.

I'm rock hard until I get the condom on. Then i'm usually ok for about a minute, at which point I lose all feeling and consequently my erection. I know a lot of it is definitely nerves, but i'm also slightly thicker than normal down there so I find many condoms painfully tight, cutting off my sensitivity. I have experimented with different kinds but sadly, none have solved the problem completely yet.

I am fortunate enough to have finally found a girl I really like but so far we have been unable to have sex and that makes me extremely worried for our relationship! I know she finds it a bit awkward and I don't want to moan too much about it but I really need some help!

I'm going to try masturbating with condoms and experimenting with lots of other brands. Also, I recommend everyone research 'Death Grip' syndrome on google. This gives a good idea of the problems excessive masturbation can cause. Good luck everyone, at least we are not alone!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010):

some condom brands use oils and lubrications that are meant to numb you during sex. This could be a slight problem for some people. I was personally having a problem with it when a new gf convinced me to switch brands. Find a brand you are comfortable with and make sure your using ones that fit you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2010):

Great advice. Thankyou very much

I will keep at it,

Goodluck to you all :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2010):

I am 44 and recently started having this problem.

It was VERY sudden. One day I was happily enjoying one of the peaks of my sexual life (having sex with a woman of unusually intense orgasms) and in a matter of weeks I have been losing my erection more than half the times I put on a condom. Since this woman and I are pretty steady and trust each other, we decided to get some STD tests and forgo the condom. I have no trouble at all to keep an erection while penetrating her for at least 15 minutes each time without the condom. Still, this is not a long term solution. My penis is a little bit thinner than average, so I actually went to buy narrower condoms, but it did not help a lot (just a little).

The main thing for me (and judging by what I read here, for most guys with this problem) is that we have somehow come to feel a lot less with the penis.

I tend to agree with most posts (the biggest part of this must be in the mind, which is NOT to say it is easily fixable). I do not blame masturbation, since I have masturbated pretty much every day of my life since I was 13 (even when having a sex partner) and this was a sudden thing.

I've also thought that this might be something caused by modern way of living (eating conservatives, cell phones and radiation everywhere, or even made on purpose by sellers of viagra and the like).

Since this is pretty new in my life, I don't know whether it is here to stay... I will also try the Kegal exercises and some meditation and the like... will let the forum know if the condition gets any better.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010):

I started having this problem a couple of years ago. I do masturbate, but I've always masturbated, and never had this problem in the past. I dont get sex as much as I'd like, so I cant give up masturbating completely, but I am gonna try masturbating with a condom to see if it has an effect on keeping my erection the next time I have sex.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010):

Hey, I'm 20 years old with the same exact problem. It's good to know I'm not the only one out there with this issue. Just tried THREE times with a girl the other night and all failed. She was close to just letting me do it without a condom but she wasn't feeling 100% comfortable. That really lowered my confidence and makes me feel terrible. Just wondering if actually cutting down masturbation without a condom works?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010):

the cause of this is masturabation. seriously. when you masturabate, you get used to that sensation. if you get off mostly by masturabation rather than sex, you can have a variety of sexual issues. these can range from not staying hard to not being able to get off, and then not enjoying sex as much. its all a snowball effect. once you experience the problem once, it compounds, because you keep focusing on it. first you don't get hard, then you worry about getting hard so its harder to get hard, then you don't like sex because you dont get hard.

what you should do is don't masturbate much, or as that can be difficult, masturbate with a condom on. if you use toys use them with condoms on. get used to the sensation. then have her masturbate you with the condom on. don't even think about penetration sex. just decide that all you are going to do this session is have her masturbate you with the condom on (don't even plan on getting off, just being hard with it on while she does that). then try moving on to penetrating sex. don't plan on getting off yet either. just plan on getting in (you can always finish later, with or without her, preferably with her).

what you need to do is get on a roll where you are getting hard to penetrate every time so you don't have it in your head that you might not get hard.

if all this fails, tell your doctor about this and get a low dose ED drug. i had gotten myself into situations like this through intricate masturbation. i wouldn't get off during sex and the only fix for that was to not masturbate as much and get used to getting off via vagina.

i also worried about getting hard the first time i was with a new girl, condom or not. everything was fine thru foreplay, but when it was getting time to get it in, half-assed hard-on. yea, there's natural ways to fix that, but i went just telling my dr and she prescribed 25 mg viagra. just like clockwork, once i had 2 or 3 "good" runs, didn't need it anymore.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010):

ok, the first thing to do is reduce masturbation and COMPLETELY lay off porn.... eat right, SLEEP WELL (be well-rested) and relax during the foreplay and all that... sex should be fun...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010):

I also suffer this same problem but I do not think it is caused by condom use. Instead I would say it is more down to your mentality when putting the condom on. If it happens once it stays on your mind every time you put on a condom afterwards and rather than the condom making you soft it becomes your distracting thoughts/worries that make you soft themselves. It makes sense to think that right before you have sex the thought of becoming soft and unable to 'perform' is likely to put you off what you are about to do. Everyone here is lucky enough to have a partner to cuddle up to that they find sexually attractive. I would instead give full attention to how sexual the moment is and how amazing your partner is and instead of thinking with your head think with your penis! It is something we are supposedly notorious for it seems that in some cases we are not. I hope this helps at least one person!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010):

Have her blow you to get rock hard then have her put it on for you while she talks dirty to you

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010):

which condoms is good

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010):

Same problem here.. after my second attempt it went limp with the damn condom, sooo embarrassing.. I'm pretty sure its because I'm not used to condoms that this is happening sometimes I'm hard for hours but when I'm finally going to have real sex and put a condom puf..

I'll try buy a couple condom boxes and get used to them

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010):

okay soo i have pretty much the same problem and i cant lose my virginity because of this. im like a rock all the time, even after she gives me a hand job and i ejaculate im still rock solid and ready for more, but once the condom goes on it goes soft, and i stay soft even when i take it off so i decided to go and wash my penis, and it could get hard again. now i think tis something to do with the lube on the inside. or the condom could be cutting of circulation, cause im pretty thick down there, and i dont think durex are big enough.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010):

I am so glad that there are other men out there like me.

I can be as hard as rock all through-out foreplay, but as soon as the condom catches me eye, its down like the Titanic.

Now I will be honest and say I am cheating on my partner, so I have to use a condom, there is no choice. And what I have found good is properly fitting condoms. make sure you have the right size. If it is too small you don't stand a chance.

Also i have used viagra and kamagra. Both give you a raging hard on and keep you solid no matter what. The downside is that you can easily become reliant on them and they give bad headaches.

Also If you masturbate to regular it will make matters worse because the sexual tension needs to build up with in you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010):

Honestly- stop masturbating so much. You masturbate freely, without a condom, and so your penis isn't used to pleasure with a condom. Also, by masturbating you are the one giving yourself all the pleasure. You know what you like and what feels good so you do it. So, my advice is this: Stop masturbating so much and when you do, use a condom. I know it's weird, but it's training your penis to receive pleasure with a condom on. Also, your girlfriend is the one giving you please, and she can't tell what you like/what feels good like you know when you're doing it to yourself. So, coach her on what really turns you on and keeps you going.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010):

i had the same problem everytime i put on condoms so i bought the magnum but it would still go down so i went to the magnum xL condoms but my penis would still become soft. these condoms r way too tight on me cuz it cuts off circulation so i just dont use a condom

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010):

OK..I have read through all the post and there are no perspectives from Gay Men. So here it goes. I am 38, in extremely conditioned athletic shape. Due to weight lifting, Kenpo Karate and MMA training, my body is muscularly ripped and due to my healthy diet-living(no drugs, no alcohol, no smoke)I look like I am still in my mid 20's. That being said, I am also gay. This problem has been going on for several years and didn't know what to do. Back when I was with women( before I came out) I used condoms to prevent pregnancy and disease. Going without was not an option. Like you, I would be rock hard and impressive. As soon as I slipped on the Magnum, I would have to fight like a bull to maintain an erection. I began to suspect my hidden sexual nature. Well, when I went full homo, I still had the same issue. Start out rock hard and enjoy all the foreplay. Once the Magnum comes into play, erection DOWN. Being gay, going RAW is NOT an option. It pretty much guarantees STD transmission(even within the boundaries of a relationship). I have been able to mask this problem because men can "get off" without intercourse. Mutual Masturbation, oral, frottage, etc., can be used to reach orgasm. Unlike with women, there is no definitive expectation of stimulation through intercourse. Alas, I may be gay, but I am still a man who likes to penetrate a sex partner. So completely forgoing the penetrative experience is not an option. Unfortunately, recently I connected with a 23 year old Ralph Lauren model. Due to mutual attraction, we decided to have a go at one another. I had a full hard impressive erection(during 30 minutes of foreplay)..then it was condom time and the show was over. Man down. I didn't know what to say. Fortunately, he was cool. But I could tell he was slightly disappointed. Regardless of how great I look-how great of shape I am in-how healthy I live-how active my life is here in New York, I can not help but feel like an old fart when I can't keep an erection for a hot 23 year old stallion? I wish this issue wasn't so undercover and actually spoken of, in the mainstream, so that men could find applicable solutions to avoid this instead of reaching around in the dark for possible answers. For many people, going without a condom is not a viable answer. Because I can achieve and erection regularly(sans condom), viagra and other drugs are not what I need or would even consider. I am going to practice masturbating with a condom on and see if I can mentally positively associate the golden yellow magnum package with a great sexual experience.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2010):

Dude... stop wanking too much

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010):

hey im 19 and i have the same problem but tbh mate have u tryed putting it in beacuse i found out when i go down its not fally soft and if u keep moving it will go back up ull be supprised

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2010):

Omg thank god other lads have the same problem, ive recently been with my boyfriend and more or less everytime he cant maintain bein hard as soon at the condom goes on or loses it shortly after. Sometimes he cant even get it up to start with but i dont knw if thts 'fear of the condom'. I never heard or experienced this before so i fort there was summit wrong wit him or me. Im now goin on the pill and hopefully things will improve.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010):

I had this same problem when I was 16 - 18, I could have sex without a condom no problem but as soon as I put one on it would go soft. This ruined my confidence and consequently my sex life for many years.

Recently I met a girl with the coil and we've had really great sex for several months but it looks as if she's going to have it out soon and I'm really scared this problem is going to come back when we switch back to condoms. She can't take the pill so there's no other option. I don't want to see another relationship ruined by this.

I totally see the need for condoms but looking at the overwhelming number of responses on here does no one else think its a little unfair that men are always being made out to be making up excuses? Its an issue that genuinely affects lots of males and can shatter their confidence so why isn't more made of it and more advice given?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010):

This has started happening to me over the past 6 months. I think its because I was seeing a girl for a while who I had unprotected sex with constantly.

Now whenever I meet someone new, as soon as that condom goes on im soft within 10-15 seconds. Its doing nothing for my confidence in the bedroom. I think im going to pick up some ultra thin condoms to see if that helps

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010):

Im so glad somebody asked this question, because I thought it was just me. I switched to the magnum condoms and now I have no problem sleeping with my gf. Thanks so very much for the advice!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010):

Guys! Go to undercovercondoms, or Rite-Aid(brick and mortar place)and get the Female Condom---she wears it inside and "Johnson goes in nekked and it feels great:))

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010):

i had this problem as well turned out im diabetic and if my sugar levels are over 10 (Canadian scale) a condom cuts the sensation down just enough i lose my hard on. it took 2 months of having my sugar level constantly below 10 before i saw a remarkable difference in erection stability with a condom on.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010):

i had this problem before, i am a healthy 21 year old, i have had check ups and tests and everything is fine, i believe its down to confidence and as long as you're healthy, i believe that you can control your erections with one thing and that IS THE MIND! i have been trying a new technique which has worked: close your eyes and focus all your attention onto getting that erection, picture your penis fully erected in your head and say to yourself (in your head) that 'i will achieve this erection' your partner needs to be patient and understanding! even during sex keep picturing your penis as 'solid' and think to yourself how your solid penis is pleasing your partner.

this will work!! good luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010):

I also suffer from this problem, its definatly not in your mind, because i am fully confident, its just as soon as i put a condom on my erection just completely goes... i love the girl and think shes so sexy but its just not happening. The solution is definatly don't use a condom, or just get practise of putting a condom on just on your own, then try for the real deal. Hope this helps

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010):

Hi there I had the same problem, I tried cutting down on masterbation which did really help especially if I knew there was a chance of getting laid in the next few days I would not masterbate at all which really did help. Secondly don't take your mind off your partner, no day dreaming about anything keep looking at her and thinking sexual thoughts about her that always helped me

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010):

My bf is going through the same thing right now...and until I saw the date on this post...i thought for sure it was him asking for help.

I feel that it's mu fault. That I'm not tight enough so he's not getting enough stimulation through the condom...but then then i'll lightly lick/suck him off using the condom...he's fine.

I just don't get it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010):

Hope everything is fixed, but if not.

I had a bit of a problem just the other day, recently broke up with a very long term partner and always had unprotected sex which was a bit of a razors edge but had sex with a new girl and the condom came out, went on and away went the erection. I looked up the problem, 40 percent of men will have this problem, ongoing or at some point. I 'may' have fixed my problem just by buying a super thin condom, also helps when they are warm.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010):

heey man, i had the same problem, was hard, went to put a condom on and suddenly went flaccid. solved it by doing it without a condom but im going to try and fix it cause you should alwyas use protection, i might try different condoms, or kegal exercises or other means of protection.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010):

I'd like to thank you guys for all these answers , in particular the one who was suggesting to try magnum condoms. I never purchased those because I thought you had to have a humongous penis, just like the porn star. Actually those condoms were fit for me. I used to buy the thin ones but I was always having a hard time putting them on and you get stressed cause the girl is waiting and my erection would go away. It was very uncomfortable and one time just not to lose face I did it without condom, things that I normally don't do. In all honesty it has help me a lot and thanks again.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010):

Hi,

Just had the same problem the other day, The solution for me was upgrading to a larger condom. If they are too small they simply can cut off circulation and reduce your erection. Also you can try putting them on when you are alone to get used to the feeling of having one on.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2010):

since suffering from this myself have done some internet research. it's incredibly common for condoms to spoil sex or make it impossible. i suspect 50% of men have this problem.

going soft is the way it affects me. i can stay hard just long enough for my wife to satisfy herself, but i feel nothing at all. she has to use 'other methods' on me afterwards.

reading these posts has made me feel a lot better. thanks guys.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010):

Try magnum large

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010):

Hey man I used to have the same problem. For me i felt too constricted and it would actually hurt me because the condom cut off the blood flow too much. Then i realized that i needed to upgrade to magnum, because regular condoms were too thin. Try them out for size, i find that they are not as restricting, yet are not so huge that you have to worry about them falling off. Good luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2010):

I used to have the same problem. Then I had sex with a ladyboy and no longer had the problem! you might have some deeper darker desires and the regular girl just doesnt do it for u anymore!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010):

Ive had the same problem with putting on the condom and loosing my erection because i always concentrated on putting on the condom because i didnt want to do anything wrong, ofcourse that then caused my erection to vanish. My problem was solved by simply letting her go on while i put on the condom, kissing and touching me until it was fully on.

Maybe you have a too tight condom size? Have u tried larger condoms cus I know too small condoms can really really squeeze you and it feels rly weird and not nice at all.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010):

same prob here m8!i think its due the porn vids we see to get erection and when it comes to the real thing we just cnt cope with the situation!reducing porn and masturbation should help and u could also get ur sex partner to put it for u while stroking!the last 1 i read it from here http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/ate/erectiledysfunction/200675.html

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2010):

Hey, I was a virgin until recently. First time I tried to have sex as soon as I put the condom on it went soft. Took it off and tried again and it went hard, put the condom on and it went soft.

The next time we met we had sex 3 times, but the first 2 I didn't cum (3rd i did). Then the third time we met we attempted to have sex but the exact same thing happened as the first time. We tried twice at night and once in the morning but eachtme I even thought of putting the cndom on I just went soft.

The worst thing is that even though I tell her it isn't her fault, she still thinksit is!

I thought it could be something to do with me but I'm veyr relieved after reading all this. I'v completley stopped watchin any porn and have reduced masturation to just once every 2 days. I've also started going to the gym and eating more fruit. I'm not going to be able to see her for 2 weeks so I'll see if the problem persists then

However, what is important is knowing it most likley is psychological and that I'm not alone. If the problem stops ill deff post what I thought helped on here! cheers

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2010):

Hey dip-shits who say "don't use a condom!" It's not just about protecting against pregnancy, it's also about not catching something that could change your life forever or even kill you. STDs can be in your system, but they don't always show up right away. Not to mention 1 in 5 men and 1 in 7 women cheat. People have to be careful!

Here's an example: My boyfriend got warts from his cheating ex-girlfriend. He never used a condom. Now, he is the love of my life. But I don't have warts. And we'd like to keep it that way. I can't get the HPV vaccine because of health complications. And he's also having condom issues. So what do you no-condom geniuses suggest for a situation like that?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2010):

Whew! I read damn near every comment on this page (or damn near it) and tonight I got past the whole issue myself. First of all, if you're not in a relationship with someone you trust, it isn't a good start. For one, your girl might be thinking that she isn't pretty enough, etc. Reassure her of how gorgeous and amazing she is, even if you haven't told her about your "problem."

What helped me is getting the condom out and on quickly with my girl continuing the kissing and such, and maybe most of all, remembering that the condom is your FRIEND. Think like this: He (your condom) is a great tool that keeps you safe from the HUGE negatives of sex (children if you're not ready, STDs, etc.) Seriously! Pull that condom out when you're alone and give it a kiss if you have to, tell it you wouldn't go anywhere without it and that you need it. Put it back in your pocket and put a smile on because you now feel safe and ready.

If you're wondering whether "overmasturbation" plays a role, I don't think so. I considered it because I just couldn't understand what was the IT factor. Remember, condoms are AMAZING. Think of what this world would be without them! Write down all the positive things about your buddy and don't even consider that there are any negatives.

Reread this post until you agree and share the same state of mind. That's the only way you're getting past this too.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010):

My girlfriend and I were having this same exact problem. There's a few things we did to help the situation:

1) Stop using condoms. Get birth control, one of those T-shaped things a doctor can insert in to her vaginal opening, anything that can prevent pregnancy. Get tested for STDs right away too if you haven't already.

2) As far as the boredom thing goes, what you need to do is stop forcing sex. Don't have sex just because your laying next to each other with nothing else to do. Wait for it to come naturally and it will be much hotter for both you. Try having shower sex with the lights off (personal favorite) or buying a new toy and trying it out. Or better yet, try getting her in to one of those crazy sex positions you see in all the porn you watch.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2010):

To tell the truth, all those people waffling on about psychological stuff causing you to go soft whilst wearing a condom are talking complete bullsh!t. It's a simple fact that whatever type of condom you use, the sensation is reduced to such an extent that it just doesn't feel right, thus the difficulty in sustaining a decent erection. Over excitable youngsters (16-25 year olds) may be able to keep it up, in fact condoms will possibles help solve the problems of premature ejaculation in younger people, but once your past your teens/mid twenties, I can assure you condoms are simply a passion killer, no psychological issues involved.

It wouldn't surprise me if the people talking all this psycho babble are working for the condom manufacturers themselves to help increase sales!

Personally I simply cannot function wearing a condom for the simple reasion that it just doesn't feel right, especially when you've been used to a regular sex with a girlfriend where you never have to wear one.

Condoms completely ruin the experience, and despite the risks of having unprotected sex, I know plenty of girls who feel exactly the same way.

Obviously pregnancy is an issue, and you certainly want to steer clear of STDs, so ultimately the best solution is to always have good communication with any potential partners & ensure you're both regularly tested at an STD clinic before you start a sexual relationship.

After that's out of the way it's then up to you both to decide how to proceed from there regarding the risk of pregnancy, either the girl can choose a form of contraception for herself (the pill, coil etc) or you can take the more risky option of pulling out. Obviously I wouldn't want to encourage the riskier technique, and you'd certainly want to discuss and aggree upon how you would proceed if an accidental pregnancy were to occur beforehand, as you shopuld in all sexual relationships regardless of what contraception you are using.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010):

No one here supplies the information whether they are circumcised or not, but if they are, this may contribute to the problem. Circumcision makes the penis less sensitive (by removing nerve tissue + making the mucuous membrane of the glans harden) so that more contact is needed to be able to feel anything. In this case, condoms can become a bigger impediment to enjoyment.

One more reason to spare the next generation of boys from this operation. The foreskin is full of feeling, so let them keep it is always my plea to any parents.

Still, don't lose all hope if you are circumcised. A lot can be done psychologically, as exitement can be heightened a lot by mind tricks. Words, imagination and the right atmosphere can help keep things going during the interlude.

One way is to visualise the condom itself as something exciting instead of a barrier. Tell each other that it is your girlfriend's softest vaginal skin she's giving you to feel, or an extra tongue coming down on you, or whatever... Or let her put it inside herself first and then turn it inside out and rub her juices into your skin when putting it on. Well, it's individual whether people like this particular thought, but it's just an example to give you inspiration on how it could be done. Find your own version. You might also make up a story that condoms are a deeply forbidden article because of their too great power to excite which make people into sex addicts... Etc. etc. Try it out.

Good luck.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010):

wow thank god for google, i am very relieved to hear this. I've been single for a while but i've had some sex partners last summer and this happened every time as soon as i put on a condom. I got soft and did'nt feel anything during intercourse. I really could'nt figure out what was wrong until i remembered not having this problem with my ex gf because i never used a condom with her, it took us 4 months to have sex but it was worth it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010):

Me and my boyfriend got the same problem. But we tried everything, foreplay, porn, but nothing worked... And we came to the conclusion that actually the condom is just too small. Its too tight at the top, and so its cuttin off the blood supply, which is keeping him erect. So maybe you could try larger condoms?

Most girls should understand so I wouldnt be embarrassed.

Good luck :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010):

Oh man, you have no idea how much of a relief it is to see all these responses here. I'm 17 and I lost my virginity just a matter of weeks ago, and, well, frankly I was awful. I had a boner, put a condom on the first time and just went completely flaccid, was absolutely mortified, obviously. Thankfully the girl I was with was really nice about it, and she stayed the night anyway. Anyway, I kinda went to sleep for a bit (briefly, we were still fooling around and such) and then I woke up, and she was awake too, so I started kissing her and such and got mad horny and went for it, but after I put the johnny on, whilst I didn't go limp really and I did finish up, I still felt like I wasn't 'properly' hard, even though I had been before I put it on. Since then I've tried several times and I've always had the same issue - put a johnny on, and I go soft. This girls kind of like a friend with benefits now but it's just so frustrating. I have penetrated her since without a johnny (Was making out and such, was horny and just kinda did it) but pulled out, because she's not on any kinda birth control. I'm glad to hear it's not just me, and glad to hear it's most likely a psychological thing. I was scared I might be intolerant to the latex or lubricant or something and just wouldn't be able to use them.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010):

I hate condoms , I never use them for exactly the reason mentioned , they are SOFT ON creators . I believe condoms are part of a giant conspiracy agreement between drugs companies and the manufacters of the Dam things .

Get rid of condoms , use another form of birth control Its just so much better sliding that errect member in their without one .

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010):

hey im an 18 y/o guy that likes to have sex on the regular so of course i have had this problem. it actually first started when i was 16 but i figured out ways to help myself with it. it is ALLLLL in your head. well... kinda, I mean mostly youre nervous/anxious especially since you know that it happens and you dont want it to again. just try to find a way to be really horny and into it without the thought of getting soft ever crosses your mind. it works i promise. the hard part is atually being able to do those things successfully. i just know all this from experience.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010):

Gday all,

I also have this problem, i thought at first it was due to my medication(Zoloft) which is known for Ed symptoms, But when I am with my Partner I am rock hard kissing and exploring each others body...as soon as its "Go time" the intimacy stops"Elevator" music comes on ..slight pause... while I put the Condom on and then ......flacid a little awkward look from each of us.....then the excuses come running into my mind(medications,alcohol,tired,etc) and also you must understand that her mind(most times) is running out of control with Doubts also(He is not into me ,I am ugly,there is something wrong with my body)

I still suffer from this problem just last night I was with a amazing girl from germany she was leaving to travel and I wanted to give her a (going away present) it was all good until I had to get the condom..then I went soft ..I was really disappointed with myself..Frustrated etc...

All I can say is that myself and you guys are not alone with this problem and that sex is a beautiful and natural action that we do ...A male and a female are designed to be perfectly compatible to each other!

Putting a condom on is not hurting you..it is helping you and also your partner to live a worry free positive life...

take care (sorry for the long post)

peace.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010):

i'm 16 and i do have the same problem...really hits my confidence,but you know what?don't let some rubber hurt you and make your confidence get down!!if you can get 'hard' without the condom and you are fine during the forplay then you are ALL FINE,it's just that you might be really anxious about the whole thing and that you are not comfortable with the condom on!since it has happened to you you might get stuck in your head the idea that every time you try to put arubber on you'llget flancid,BUT you must NOT let that happen!you must convince yourself that it's all in your head,because it actually is!everyhting's gonna be fine my friend..and to all of you mates that have the same 'issue'..Cheers!:D

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010):

I dont mean this as an insult but are u sure ur not bi, the same thing was happening to me until someone said the same thing.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010):

ok well i have a very similar problem im 20 i have a new girlfriend and me losing my erection with a condom on has been going on for about a year....i lost hope....regaurdless..idk whats wrong with me..ive been having sex since i was 15 and now i littlerly cum the second i put it in her...now if this was something that was going on for 5 years id just think oh i premature ejaculate. but it hasnt. ive been a guy who can last for hour all my life. but this is just embarrassing and i dont know what to do can someone please give me some advice...ive done the kegal and constantly do it about 300 times a day as i always have since i was 15. i just dont know whats going on with me and need help

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010):

This happened to me and it sucks, condom=loss of erection. Even the thought of it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010):

I have the same problem. I started having sex at age 19 with my current girlfriend. I am still 19. We started having sex with a condom but later stopped using it for a couple times, ok like 50 times. But when we started using the condom again i couldn't keep it up. I have tried all the condoms, even the trojan extascy (feels funny to me) i still went down.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010):

Hey everyone!

We have the same problem with my bf. Thing is I would really like to do sth to help but I don't want him to think that it is so important to me that I've rolled up my sleeves and i'm trying to find ways to make it happen asap! What I mean is of course I want it to happen but the most important thing for me is my boyfriend, his feelings and our relationship. I don't want him to feel bad about it coz i like him so much and there is no way this can affect my feelings for him. So the question is should I be proactive about helping him (suggesting ideas that my help or even taking steps towards that direction) or support him silently and passively just by giving him the time and space that he needs to figure out what it is that will help him?

Thanks a lot

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010):

Well ok, for starters, I have had sex with multiple girls, unfortunately. I wish I could have lost my virginity with my current gf, i love her so much. Before, I would go down putting on a condom, and i would hate it. Without the condom, I could have sex at will.

Tonight I tried to have sex with the girl of my dreams, was hard, tried the condom, "soft". Biggest fail of my life. I am going to try again, because condoms are protection. But letting everyone know you are not alone. I will try sex for a few thrust and then place the condom. Hope it works :]

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A male reader, vesper Slovakia +, writes (24 January 2010):

I experienced the same problem with my g/f and thus felt pretty ashamed. I've got lucky that she is very supportive and we were trying to get rid of that problem together using a lot of techniques and the thing that finally worked out well was doing it without condom for a while. I was so afraid of wearing condom before that I just could not sustain erection after mere thought of condom so we both agreed that as soon as I feel ok I can get into her for short time so that nothing happens and that really helped, I could have worn condom afterward and continue and thenceforward I feel so much more confident about myself wearing condom that it is great again and I have no problems now.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010):

Had this problem before and it was the most frustrating issue ever. Don't be alarmed because it happens to a lot of guys. I've concluded it is one of the following:

1. Anxiety going through your head during intercourse. Questions of doubt, failure, insecurity, or a mixture of either one can cause you to go limp. You might want to question if you and your partner are close enough to communicate these things together or is this a one-night stand. Having a partner that is supportive is key to transitioning onto putting the condom on.

2. The condom may be too tight. Keep in mind that not all condoms are made the same (even though they look similar). Ones you get from the health clinic (or your RA's "Free Condoms" basket) are made fairly cheap and can be constricting/uncomfortable. A favorite of mine I did research and bought on at condomdepot.com is the Crown Skinless Skin Condoms. I won't go into detail about it, but it is seriously the best condom on the market. Let's just say that when I first put it on and was having sex, I kept checking downstairs to feel if the thing was still on b/c it seriously felt like I wasn't using one.

As a final remark, losing an erection at our age (18-30s) is rarely caused by having a defect our Erectile Dysfunction. Much of it has to do with what's going on psychologically (As described above). The worst thing you can do is take Viagra or something like that without a prescription and risk endangering your penis. For more info, google "Viagra abnormalities" as it can cause you to have an erection for more than 5 hours and the only way to bring it back down is for a doctor to cut it open.

Best wishes guys. Remember, if you're having sex with a partner that you don't know well or one that is unsupportive, you might want to question if you should be having sex in the first place.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010):

ok, so this happened the fist, second and third time me and my girl tried to have sex. the first time was a compplete failure. second time i was good for a few minutes but about a minute into it i went soft so i tiold her that since its been so long since i have had sex that i came already. third time was just as bad as the first. i can tell she is getting very irritated, aybe even mad about it. but i havent said anything to her about what is going on yet either. she has an amazing body and i am REALLY turned on and rock hard before the condom comes out. but as soon as i get the condom out, SOFT! INSTANTLY! i have never ever ever had this problem before and honestly it makes me feel like less of a man. but i figure that as long as me and her go and get STD/STI tests and we both see that we are good then we could just not use a condom. but that still leaves the chance of her getting pregnant...

another thing is that i am pretty nervous about having sex with her. which to me is the weirdest feeling ever because i have had sex with 168 women in my life and never had this problem before. all i can do for now is pray that she is understanding....

thanks for the advice everyone.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010):

Hi, I had the reverse problem when I used condoms some years ago. I think it is with being circumcised. None of the posts so far state if you are circumcised or not.

I am circumcised, and a word of warning never, never be circumcised if it can be avoided - go to NORM website to find out why. If you are circumcised grow it back, yes it can be done. Reason when you get older 40+ you can get ED and then need viagra or something. This is because the sensitivity of the end of willy has faded away over time as there is no foreskin to protect it.

Back to condoms. I remember the first time I practiced masturbation with a condom. It was stunning because the condom became a substitute foreskin and slid amazingly to and fro over the head of my dick. My dick seemed to expand into the condom and feel about to burst with pleasure. The trick is extra lube to get it to slide with you.

With my GF one time, she decided to roll on the condom in a slow gentle and sexy way. Inevitably the result was not satisfactory for her, because as she rolled it on and jiggled it about, I filled it up!!! Sorry no sex tonight.

Shaped condoms with ribbs etc are much more erotic, as they don't crimp the sensitive end, and stay put on the shaft. Also the baggy bit at the end is more lubricated, and the final bit of the sleeve part is dry, so it clings a little to the root of your dick. That gives security on removal.

Get the GF to slowly roll the condom on to you with some erotic foreplay, and willy might not sulk so much. Put it on slowly say take up to 5 mins, and you might find you stay hard.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010):

I am 21.. I was virgin till about a week back. I first had sex without condoms and it was amazing.. I was like rock hard and lasted for more than 30 or 35 minutes! then we thought of using a condom, but as soon as I put the condom on I lose my erection!! I tried foreplay and everything but till the condom was on there was minimum or no erection at all.. It was all so embarassing and I thought I had a defect!! I consulted my experienced friend who than told me that the a person has to be used to with condoms.. its just natural.. having a balloon stuck on the penis would definately have a drawback.. but the other night, as soon as I removed the condom the penis was rock hard again!! I enjoyed it.. but unfortunately my partner rushed to a surgery next morning to take emergency pill for not getting pregnant!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010):

Water Soluble Lube on the condom inside and out. Nobody likes a dry condom.

Stop masturbating to porn.

Masturbate with a condom on to prove to yourself that you can climax with one on.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009):

Same thing happened to me last night when I've putted a condom. Usually, I get erections very easily!Maybe I should try thinner condoms, like Trojan ecstasy or something like that. Anything that can give me more sensation! If anyone ever tried it just add a comment to let us know!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009):

I had this problem.It is the lubricant on the condom, Go to your clinic or gp and they will be able to offer you different condms on the market which are not as lubricated.

also stop wanking. its addictive, and that is one of your biggest problems. Get your gf some nice undies and clothes to turn u on, try novelty condoms like glow in the dark ones. You have to remember this...

SEX IS NOT MEANT TO BE CHORE! ITS MEANT TO BE FUN AND SYMBOLISE LOVE AND FEELINGS BUT BIGGEST THING IS, ENJOY IT, TRY NEW THINGS, AND IF IT DOESNT WORK LAUGH ABOUT IT.

JUST TAKE CARE AND HAVE FUN :D

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009):

It's me again. I posted on Dec 16th, 2009. I've been reading and it says to use lube inside and outside the condom. I'm just wondering if lube will magically be able to help me keep my erection, before I get disappointed when I try it and it doesn't help at all.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2009):

I like to hear gay men's experience on this issue

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A male reader, logan921 United Kingdom +, writes (20 December 2009):

i got the same problem mate

i have an erection, then after the condom is on, i lose it.

it is fine without the condom though.

If she starts to grope me, it still does not come back

and i agree it is embarrasing

help needed too please

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009):

How do I psychologically set myself to stay hard when I put the condom on I can't feel anything and if I do get it in and we start going at it, I feel myself getting soft when I'm inside her. This happened about five times already and I hate myself after. I'm rock solid during foreplay and when I put it on it just goes soft. I had sex and came twice without a condom but this is too dangerous and I want to learn how to use a condom. HELP! Very frustrating!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009):

I've been reading through a few of these and they all seem to be about right, however its a little different with me. I've got a gf ive been with over a year, we dont have sex that often, once a week? Anyway, when we get into it i get hard, the condom goes on, i slip it in and its great, the problem comes when i take it out to switch positions it just droops, its still hard-ish, but not hard enough to push its way in, just bends.

Its so frustrating coz while im in its great and she's loving it! Soon as we switch, thats it, and the problem is just exacerbated by the frustration of it getting softer, once it fails to go in once, i think it becomes a psychological issue and i just lose track.

Anyone got some answers for this?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009):

WOW, i really thought google'ing this would turn out to be some type of penis disorder for my bf, but im glad to see im not alone...

My bf and i have been together for a couple of months. At first we didnt use a condom but after a week we started to and everything was fine. Now keep in mind that my bf and i have sex about 2 to 3 times a night when its not that time of the month, so 3 weeks out of the month, we have sex every nite. Now when this little issue started, personally i thought it was my fault. but he assured me it wasnt. so next we questioned the condom. but we had been using them for the last couple of months with no problem. my bf said that before me he would have sex once every couple of days...and this is the first time he's had sex as often.

So i thought maybe he's just tired. so i told him maybe we should just chill for a couple of days and let him rest...that took a stab at his ego...i dont know what to do...too long without sex is gonna kill me lol

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2009):

I had the same problem but when we tried without a condom, it was much better and i stayed hard, so try just getting her to wear something, its a lot better without, but you have to pull out remember :P good luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009):

18, same problem, happened twice now with my gf and ive been beating myself up about it a bit, but is reassuring to read these other replies.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2009):

Hey guys,

I wanted to chime in and say it again, "you are not alone". Losing my erection right after putting on a condom has happened to me several times, and it can be frustrating and a little embarrassing to say the least. When this happened to me a few nights ago I went searching google and found this page. I read the advice of others who have resolved the issue (thanks guys!) and put it into action. I was able to overcome the problem and I wanted to share with those having trouble how it was done. These techniques worked even after having had 4 orgasms in the previous 24 hours. Here is what works for me:

- This may sound silly, but I changed my mentality of the condom. I picture it as a part of me, as a friend or as a partner attached to me. This condom is a good buddy who allows me to have worry free sex with my gf and allows me to cum while I am inside her. I look down at the condom on my cock and consider it a part of me. Cheesy, I know... but the positive mentality was a huge player in finding success. I used to consider the condom an annoyance which robs me of pleasure.

- Use a condom that is comfortably sized. Previously the condoms I had would cause me discomfort and to grimace while it was being rolled on. Nothing kills my sexy mindset quicker than discomfort like that. Discomfort is a sure-fire way to make me go soft after the condom gets on.

- We put plenty of lube on my cock before putting the condom on. Condoms already reduce the sensations, and without lube inside the condom, for me, there is not even enough pleasure to keep me excited and hard. Personally, masturbation, oral sex, or manual stimulation from a partner without a condom all feel better than sex with a condom and no lube.

- My gf put the condom on my cock while I continued to finger and make out with her. The contact and stimulation did not stop while we unwrapped and rolled on the condom. A but long pause while the condom is retrieved, opened, and then clumsily rolled on also will kill my erection most of the time. Gotta maintain the excitement that got me hard in the first place.

- My gf and I took time for a lot of hot foreplay. I was very mentally and physically excited by the time we put on the condom.

I know getting through this issue sucks, but I hope my methods above benefit others. Good luck all.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009):

i have the same problem..i am 19 she is 18....i used to maturbate alot before ...now im with this amazing girl i ve beenn with her 5 months and i love her......1st time i tried to wear a condom...i lost my erection....so we started trying without however i dont last more than few seconds as i ejeculate(outside ofcourse). however i m getting pissed off...why the hell cant we be normal :S at least when i see that i m not the only one with these problems i feeel a bit better.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009):

WOW am I relieved to hear this. I'm only 18 and last night I was hanging out with a girl I've hung out with once before. We started gettin into it and i was rock solid. I slipped the condom on and it just went soft. I was SOOO embarrassed...especially due to the fact that I hardly knew the girl. I couldnt get an erection for a while after that either but i think that was due to the EXTREME embarrassment. I've had sex with a condom before but I'm not incredibly experienced. So I didn't know wtf was wrong with me, if it was because I didn't really know her, or ED (already!), or just my nerves. First thing this morning I went looking for answers. I read a lot of stuff about ED and so forth but this is definitely the exact thing that happened to me. I'm just so glad to know I don't already have ED. I heard overmasturbation could be part of my problem too so I'm gonna cut down on that for sure.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009):

I'm 41 and have had this problem all my sex life. I've tried larger condoms, lube, masturbating with condoms etc. Nothing works unless i put the condom on and go furious and climax quickly by hand, no fun.

I'm wondering if a foreskin makes all the difference?

The head doesn't get any stimulation with a condom as you get a double layer when the foreskin covers the head when you draw back.

Thinking about getting it chopped off.....skin that is..lol

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009):

Sorry, me again,

Willy likes to be loved and appreciated.. so lots of kisses, stroking and love will make him feel important.. but be firm.. kiss him and stroke him, but he must learn.. NO CONDOM, NO SEX, he'll soon behave when he becomes desperate.. willy is not a man, and he's not you, but he's difficult to control, please ask your partner to help you in controlling him, he'll behave soon enough.. good luck to you guys who are having problems...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009):

Sigh.. Don't worry guys.. problems with condoms are easilly fixed....

Let me introduce you to naughty willy.. now willy has a mind of his own, and now matter how hard you try you can't control him. Willy is a naughty boy, he dose what he wants and often embarrases you.. Sometimes he comes up for no reason, when your in a meeting, talking to your mother, or sitting down in church. That's how willy is, he just aint got no brains, he dose what he wants, when he wants, and you need to take control of him and train him to behave.

Now willy loves women, especially a woman's pussy cat. Willy knows that a woman has this soft space, it's soft and dark and lovely to be in. Willy hates when you stick that plastic thing on him, it's tight, and it restricts him, and it keeps him away from the juiceness of kitty kat.. Willy dosen't like that, he dosen't like that at all...

But willy likes the woman's kitty kat, he likes that best off all, and no matter what, that's the place where he wants to be and where he feels at home. When you introduce a condom, willy starts to sulk, and he pretends he won't play.. He's lying, he needs to be next to a woman, and no matter what, eventuallly he'll behave. Just take control, make sure the condom goes on every time. He may sulk, he may droop, but eventually he'll get desperate to be next to a woman and enjoy himself. He'll behave, but he's a child, he's sulking because he want's what he wants... he'll give up when you are firm and show him... NO CONDOM, NO FUN.. don't give up.. eventually willy will hear the condom, and know it's time for fun.

I hope I have helped.. it won't take years, it won't take months, but you and your partner have to take control.. Willy dosen't have no sense.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009):

Hey! I'm having the same problem. Me and my girlfriend has been

together for a month now and this is the 2nd time this has happened. We came to the conclusion that it might be the condom. But this has never happened with one of my previous lovers.(I kinda thought it might be her but I'm not 100% sure on that one either.) We tried having sex withought acondom and it worked just fine, but I don't want to put either of us at risk of STI or pregnancy. I'm starting to feel embarrassed about the whole thing but I don't want to stop having sex. Someone please give me answers because I don't want viagra to be an option. I haven't tried any remedys and I do not masturbate, so there must be another way. Really feel what your going thru and there nust be a cure.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2009):

Lol I know there are a lot of posts, but I will add my experience as well. The same thing has been happening to me, she is okay with it right now, but it really just makes me feel less manly, lol. Same thing, when I'm kissing/cuddling, etc, It's hard and fine, if I'm in without a condom it stays good. Soon as that condom gets on I start to lose it. Even if it is hard, I can hardly feel as much and it is hard to maintain. The post that said that we might be too used to masturbation seems to make the most sense. You learn to just stimulate the head really hardcore compared to what you feel with the condom. I am going to stop the masturbating and see how it helps, although it is difficult when you can't finish during sex so later you want to masturbate. I don't know, but good luck to us all! it seems fairly common so we shouldn't feel bad.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2009):

Ok guys- maybe its time for girl advice.. I am currently going through the same situation with bf I know its not bc he isnt turned on.. and getting bigger condoms its stupid bc if it doesnt fit, it will slip off and having ur girl go to the hospital to have it removed from her cervix will def damage ur confidence bc she will surely tell everybody- nt in a gossipy way but its one of those things that are too humiliating not to tell and her gf's will surely love to gossip about it and trust me- it will most likely come off and has a good chance of getting 'lost' bc I know too many people its happend to and ive actually had one almost get lost in me..

Anyways- viagra could be harmful bc u def dont wanna rely on a pill to fix the problem- try waiting for ur old age to go that route- its just a shortcut to bypas the problem and until u dal with t- it wont go away so mine as well not cheat it.

Please try masturbating with condom on when ur girl isnt around to see if thats even the issue or if its really in ur mind..

If you can get hard AND get off masturbating with a condom then u know its in your head so when u know ahead of time u are going to have sex- try putting it on before the 4play or even if it is surprise, make sure u keep the foeplay going after put it on so your mind wont be thinking about it so much.. everything will be going so fast u wont have that long break period of putting the condom on, getting into position, and sitting there waiting for something to happen..

If ur mind is still overwhelmed to where you cannot perform, talk to her- u have to. My bf got mad at himself for not being able to please me and having no control over the situation and he walked out of the room.. He left me sitting there naked thinking omg wtf happened- do I really look that different naked- he was turned on when I had clothes on, are my breast too small, am I too skinny, was I not doing it right, is he used to wild crazy aggressive double d women, is he mad that I made him wear a condom.. Yes I felt humiliated bc I thought it was my fault.. he came back and talked to me though and apologized- said he was just going to have to work on it and we just werent ready yet.. I felt so relieved bc I really like him and him actually letting me everything that happened wasnt bc he wasnt attracted to me was like a weight off my chest..

We do understand that guys cannot control their erection and I personally hate it for yall bc that has got to suck.. The birth control I used to take killed my sex drive and I hated not being in the mood but I could still actually hve sex.. What I am saying is that is not something we look down on guys for.. but u have to have enough confidence to talk to us about it and be able to work with the situation.. even if ur embarrassed- act like ur not or atleast joke about it to ease the awkwrdness..

Now my problem is I am a very sexual person and I made him wait a month and the sexual tension is strong between both of us and we did have sex one morning without a condom bc I couldnt take it-- I hadnt had sex since 5 months prior to meetg him and we waited a month- the frustration got to me and I gave in but I wont let it happen again and I think he is thinking im ok with out using a condom.. His point was we will eventually get to that point of not using one way down the road and he has gone 26 years without gettin a std or having a baby-- yea ok that was the dumbest thing I ever heard bc all it takes is 1 time and the statistics arent a lie.. I freaked bc if he had never used a condom before and 1 out of 5 people dnt know they have an STD then theres no way im having sex without a condom again.. plus its not like we know if we will always be together.. the thing is we are both ready and I do not know if he has indeed been 'workingg on it' or if it will be another disaster the next time we try thatll lead to an arguement about how I let him before and he just cant function with a condom on..

So my advice to yall is my way of getting the word out there that

1- we dont think ur a loser

2- it is possible to get over the idea wearing a condom by practicing at home and keeping up the foreplay

3- talking about it will help both of yall ease the awkwardness to where yall can work together to get past it

4- think twice about the pill bc u dnt want to have to use a pill to have sex and ull still be in a pickle if the sex happens to be random.. and what if u take the pill and she gets offended like ur assuming ur going to get laid

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009):

1. Try a bigger condom or a polyurethane condom.

2. PUT LUBE INSIDE THE CONDOM and out.

3. Have her do it.

4. Try female condoms.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2009):

I'm 21 years old and I just came out of a long term relationship where we didn't use condoms and last night I was with a new girl and was rock hard during foreplay, I slipped the condom on. We were going at it for maybe 20 minutes max and I was feeling nothing through it. I slyly pulled out to check it and it was dead a door mouse.

Naturaly I was a little freaked, So I was rubbing and poking etc and it wasn't getting back up. Was not impressed. I checked the tightness at the base of my penis and it was very tight. This was a Durex ribbed condom by the way. So I pulled it off and went into my wallet and got out a "Pasante" condom.

Penis wasn't doing much so I gave it a cheeky rub and what not and it was hard again. I slipped the condom on and almost instantly died.

Again the tightness of this condom was stupid. My penis is only 6 and a bit inches erect and standard width but it was driving me nuts. =/

All I can suggest is bigger condoms. Its my next step

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2009):

Yeah, you are definitely not alone mate. I am about 19 and my gf is 20, and she is the most amazing girl Ive ever had. Not to mention sexy as hell. lol. But the thing is every time I go to put on a condom I will become flaccid and not be able to get my erection back. We didn't know how to handle it, and to be honest my self-confidence took a hit. Thing is after we quit trying and just cuddle for a while we would start making out and my erection would come back, firm as ever! I swear this thing has its own mind and is out to spite me. lol

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2009):

Yeah, you are definitely not alone mate. I am about 19 and my gf is 20, and she is the most amazing girl Ive ever had. Not to mention sexy as hell. lol. But the thing is every time I go to put on a condom I will become flaccid and not be able to get my erection back. We didn't know how to handle it, and to be honest my self-confidence took a hit. Thing is after we quit trying and just cuddle for a while we would start making out and my erection would come back, firm as ever! I swear this thing has its own mind and is out to spite me. lol

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009):

i have the same problem. I think not wearing a condom might do the work

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009):

Really, I've had the same problem but I think I figured out why. I was trying to have sex with this girl and could not maintain an erection when I was putting on a condom. Even after I have succeeded to, we had sex for like 1 minute then I got soft. I didn't understand why, we tried numerous times but same thing kept happening.

1. It could be that the girl turns u off

2. You can't feel anything with a condom.

3. THIS IS PROBABLY THE REAL REASON. You are habituated to masturbation. You expected a lot from sex and now it is actually nothing much. Lots of masturbation becomes better than sex so I'll advice you to try to stop masturbating as much. I believe less masturbation will solve this problem.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009):

I seem to have the same problem as you guys and its getting to me a bit , i wonder if viagra may help just to get over the problem but not long term ??

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009):

im so glad im not alone with this problem. i am rock soild with just kissing my gf and im really into her. yet the first three times i tried to put a condom i lost it intasntly, each time its worse as theres more pressure. however shes went on the pill (as well as being really supportive) and i was fine i even manged to go again stright after the first time, which is weird. yet she had forgotten to take it n toniight i had to put a condom on again, and the same thing happened. im just glad to know im not a loser and the only person who suffers from this problem.

just an added thought ive been thinking baout buying viagra surely that would solve the problem. can i buy it as im only 17?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009):

Mate your not alone

I think its a bit of a head thing. The the change between forplay and putting the condom on was the first thing that did it for me. Its not a very sexy transition.

From there i was worried about it for some reason made be over think the situation to the point the thought of a condom and I started to lose height..great. Its annoying because i was always very confident during sex, so why should this be any different.

One thing that solved it for me was getting the girl to put it on for me, keeps the foreplay going its sexy and she can use her mouth or whatever!

Another, "talk" to her about the problem, get it off your chest so you never have to think about it again..!

Good luck

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A male reader, spreadable United Kingdom +, writes (5 October 2009):

Try the XL condoms. Maybe you're too big for the normal ones? When you have to force it over the head of your penis, and then force it down it's pretty off-putting and the trauma you cause your penis to endure is enough to make it soft. I'm sure condoms reduce the feeling of sex by 75% so if you're lucky enough put it inside her it won't last long if it feels like you've just had an encounter with a vacuum packer.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009):

try different brands of condoms.....i know how you feel not to worry life is short ejoy..............

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009):

well im sixteen and logged on to ask about this. i mean tonight i was so into my gf. she was so hot and i was so hard but when i slipped the condom i lost it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2009):

I haven't used condoms in about 4 years. Things didn't work out with my last girlfriend, and I met this great new girl. She is absolutely terrified about sex without condoms, so I busted out the old rubber gloves (condoms). The first time we had sex, everything was fine. Every since, it's been a nightmare trying to keep an erection. I've read replies on this site, and I've tried most of the methods. I get hard almost immediately after a deep kiss and a bit of foreplay. But immediately when the word or even thought of condom hits my head, I go soft. She's also on the pill, but she doesn't trust it. I hate condoms. They're ruining my life right now. They make me feel pathetic. I have no idea what to do. Lube doesnt work. Blowjobs work, but I go soft immediately after I start thinking about putting on the condom. Even if I get it up and get the condom on, as soon as we switch positions it goes soft. I'm out of ideas.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009):

man this shit is sus as hell i was just wit ny girl and she kept talkin about how she wanted to do the wild thang and i was hard as a rock she gave me a bj real quick then soon as i put the condom on soft as a pillow but i just joked about it to her cuz this has happen before all u gotta do is stop jacking off and our good

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009):

i had that before too, i just talked to her about it a lot, dont be embarassed, just close your eyes lean back and get her to give you a BJ, slip it on and b4 you know it youll be good. and just wait until you do it, she will have the biggest smile on her face, and o man youll never go back to loosing your erection. Its all nerves and axiety, once you get over it, its nothing, just keeps getting better and better.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009):

Okay, it sounds like most of you are really young guys. I'm a 31 year old woman, so maybe my perspective can help. LOTS of guys lose their erections when you put on a condom. If you can get hard without a condom, there is NOTHING wrong with you. And your girlfriends should know this too.

My boyfriend hasn't used condoms in a long time and is having a hard time with it, so I was looking for tips.

BUT PLEASE DON'T USE BABY OIL WITH CONDOMS! Latex breaks down with oil-based lubricants, so they can break or get holes in them. Use water-based lubricants only! No vaseline either.

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A male reader, Gatecrasher United Kingdom +, writes (12 July 2009):

Get her to go on the pill, sorted :-)!!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009):

hey, i am 18 years old and i hav had the same problem, and i can only think that it will get worse if u keep worrying about it. i found it helped when my gf stroked my penis whilst she put the condom on, also using lubricated condoms helped cos it goes on quicker.

also, me and my gf talked about the problem alot, and this reassured me and reduced my anxiety.

i think the best cure is to just be open with ur gf and not let it get to your head, just keep trying different ways of putting it on and just be open with ur gf, most decent gfs understand.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009):

I had the same freaking promblem last night. My GF has been saying that she will only have sex when she trusts me. And finally...she wanted to have sex. She can give me an erection just but kissing me for a mineut. We were kissing and rubbing for a bit and I fingereed her and I was hard. I had her put the condom on and we started goin at it. I was doing on for about 30secs when she wanted to change positions and that is what did it. I moved and tryed putting it in and down it went. I tryed fingering her, rubbing her tits, masterbating and it only got softer. I took of the condom and it still didn't get hard. I was SO embarresed!!! I told her that and she said that she was cause she thinks I dont like her body. But I LOVE it. I think I will try afew of the things said above. I really hope they work. She gives me BJ's and hand jobs and I have no problem. I just want to be able to give her some pleasure back. She deserves it. I love her. Good luck ya'll.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009):

Okay, I had this same problem last night.

Glad I'm not the only one..

But I was so pissed that I came home and did some research and experimentation. I was having the same problem as everyone else...what cured it for me was lubrication.

The condom would be very tight and comfortable because there was not enough "slippage" inside...so it was like bare rubber chaffing my dick up. But I used a handful of baby oil and it cleared that right up...also..because it wasn't lubed enough, it took a long time to get on. And the awkward moment of struggling with the condom totally put me out of the mood mentally..causing my erection to get pretty weak.

This worked for me so...try it out...and relax.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009):

19 same problem, thx 4 the ideas

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009):

could this be cuz i smoke weed?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009):

ok guys im 21 and had this same problem. My first girlfriend we connected really well but i wasnt very physically attracted to her so i found between that and me worrying so much about what i was doing and whether she even liked it cause me to lose wood everytime.

With my new girlfriend i am attracted to her, first time we tried it happened again because i was worrying, but then we tried just masterbating each other for a while and then had sex for like less then a minute without a condom and after that little taste putting a condom on was no problem watsoever.

So if you know your girlfriend is clean and you have more then a minute self control id reccommend trying that. Also relaxation is the key, if you worrying try to keep in mind your gf is happy just to have a cock to ride and dont think about whether what you doin is ok or not right or watever, strap on the rubber and go for it! youll get better with practice.

hope this helps you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009):

im 18 and have the same problem. i get hard all the time. my girlfriend can play with it all she wants and it stays hard. in fact, although i love it when she does it, only ive managed to finish the job. the opposite happens when i put on a condom, within 30 seconds its soft, and wont get an erection until its off. any more thoughts?

this advice has given me some things to experiment with, particularly (in summary) masturbating with condoms, masturbating less/not at all (anyone who says this wont help should consider how hard it is to get an erection after masturbating 3 times in one day), getting your girlfriend to help, making it part of the routine, and adjusting the psychology of your mental preparation to be more positive and excited.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009):

This same stuff has happen to me....TONIGHT...so freaking embarrassing. I could get hard for a while but when I tried to put the condom on I went soft. I eventually got hard after my girl played with me for a while, while we kissed. I put it in her and went to work but had the same problem again. It just seems like the condom doesn't give me the real feeling. I felt so embarrassed. Good thing my girl is so understanding.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009):

i'm glad to know im not the only one, im 16 and having the same problem, id go flaccid and get hot and sweaty and id freak out... i pretty much dumped my girlfriend and refused to date after that. i wasnt sure if there was something wrong or if i was gay or something

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A male reader, aman United States +, writes (9 February 2009):

I had this problem too...

My first time ever, it was dark and late, and I was able to put it on without it going down, and had sex-- twice in fact. But then, the next 2 times we tried it on the futon, soon as the condom went on I went down.

Really embarrassing and frustrating. And even when it was on, the sex didn't really feel as good as just masturbating. I didn't see her for 2 weeks (we live very far away). The next time, same story... worked 1st time, 2nd time it went down.

We ended up solving the issue, though... she's on birth control and I ended up not using any condom 3 times (pulled out each time). Felt *AMAZING*. After that, we used lubricated condoms instead of non-lubricated like we had tried using before, and between the memory of the other times, and the new condoms, things went really well.

So my recommendation is to use different condoms... or if she is on birth control, try it without just once (but pull out).

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2009):

I posted on the 26th of January, and on the 1st February, i managed to get it up, put on a condom and keep it up whilst having sex!! i did it.. it feels great, i didn't masturbate for a while, tried masturbating with a condom on etc, and before we did it, there was a lot of kissing etc etc, foreplay and i didn't think about past experience, just about what i was going to do to her!! :D I'm not sure, which of the above things did the trick but just give them all a try and don't fret over it.. good luck.. i am so pleased. :D when yo finally do it you will feel on top of the world!! x

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009):

I had this problem last night. Everything was going great until I awkwardly slapped the condom on. after a minute of intercourse my penis went flaccid, and attempts to achieve a full erection again where in vain.

With the condom on I felt very little sensation.

It's good to see that I'm not alone in this. Perhaps I need to take time and practice masturbating with a condom on.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009):

I am 16 years old and i have been going out with my g/f for around 4 months now.. i have had sex before but it was ahem, cut short lets say by an interruption. And when i went to have sex with my g/f a month or so ago, i put on the condom and bam, slowly down went my penis and however i tried to get it back up, it just wasn't happening.. kissing, her playing with it etc etc, i was so embarrassed and its made me v. depressed.. i am going to try masturbating with a condom and also getting my g.f to put it on, she is very understanding and i will keep trying the things on here, feels good to know there's others in the same boat as myself, good luck everyone!! x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009):

I am 16 years old and i have been going out with my g/f for around 4 months now.. i have had sex before but it was ahem, cut short lets say by an interruption. And when i went to have sex with my g/f a month or so ago, i put on the condom and bam, slowly down went my penis and however i tried to get it back up, it just wasn't happening.. kissing, her playing with it etc etc, i was so embarrassed and its made me v. depressed.. i am going to try masturbating with a condom and also getting my g.f to put it on, she is very understanding and i will keep trying the things on here, feels good to know there's others in the same boat as myself, good luck everyone!! x

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009):

Thanks for the help guys. I think its both enxiety and psychological.

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A male reader, Rostof United Kingdom +, writes (7 January 2009):

Hey guys, i'll put my 2 cents in.

i have actually had this problem with every new girl i've been with for 6 years + now.

Most girl's have been great about it, and given me time,

one girl did call me a wanker when i lost it once!

that didnt last..

Often its simply taken time for me to get properly comfortable with a girl, maybe a month or so.

but i have to backup the femidom route,

it really is the best option, you dont have to interrupt foreplay at all, and it does feel much better than a condom,

you need to get past the possible hilarity of how it looks, its a bit like a bin liner haha

also a big problem i have found is convincing a girl that it is safe to use, one girl refused saying that they had to be fitted by nurses.

Would love to see some femidom advertising on television for a change.

Good to see we are not alone in this problem,

its all normal dudes! just bloody frustrating!

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A male reader, prototism United States +, writes (2 December 2008):

I had this problem just this weekend, and it really got to me. Luckily, the girl in question and I have something really special, emotionally speaking. She let me know it was okay, and even said she wants to practice more.

Anyway, I'm glad to know I am not the only one. That knowledge alone should give me the confidence to help make sure this doesn't happen again, or as much.

Thanks for all your help guys (and girls?).

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008):

Rickyy, hats off to you for having the balls to post this.

Most of the answers here have hit the nail on the head. The reason is simple guys, and the best thing is it can be sorted out. The chances are extremely, extremely high there is nothing physical at all wrong with you. The problem is just a bit of anxiety. You're just thinking too much.

Sex has many layers to it. We're thinking all kinds of things when we're getting it on. How far will this go? When she moves like that, what does it mean? Is she enjoying this? Am I doing this right? The best sex you'll ever have is when you stop thinking anything like that and just lose yourself in the moment. But that doesn't happen every time, and usually not with new girls. Well, usually.

So you get there, and time comes to slip on the nodder. That's when you think, hell, last time I lost my hard on when I did this. Maybe you were thinking about it happening when you were building up to sex. Maybe you just remembered, and now you think, what if I lose my erection again? Know this - it is only your doubts that are causing you to lose wood.

There's nothing wrong with you at all, and this stuff happens to a lot of guys. Chill. Take your time. You'll get there. Know that you are in control and that you've been here before and you'll be here again. Remember the last time you had sex, and how hard you were then. That's what you want, to be inside this girl and making her feel as good as you do. So take your time. There's no pressure here. Talk to her if you want to. Screwing isn't everything. Your dick thinks it is, but that's all it ever thinks. You know better, that this bit if just part of the whole experience.

I reckon the best bit of advice here is the anonymous post above, dated 14 July:

you just gotta be a man. you gotta have it in your head that you are gonna NAIL this woman and it's gonna be the best damn sex you, and she has ever had. and you just gotta give it to her

Absolutely brilliant advice. Look where you are. Just take a look at the girl you're with, look at her body, look at her face. Switch off you brain. Fucking right, here we go.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008):

From what I have heard, masturbating with condoms is supposed to help, as it makes condoms part of the routine.

I get rock hard and then once i get that condom out, i immediately start to go flaccid. sometimes i am able to get it back up if i get it in in time, other times i lose it.

I agree that it is almost exclusively an anxiety things. I have had times where there hasn't been a problem at all. It has to do with the condom, and with the girl. If you aren't very comfortable with the girl (maybe you just met her at a party), you'll be a little more anxious.

I'm going to try to jerking with a condom and hope that works. I also like the idea of the girl putting it on. I'll have to try that. but I must say, it is nice to know I share this problem with so many other males.

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A male reader, DirtyDan United Kingdom +, writes (1 September 2008):

Man..just seeing this has made me feel a bit better. I'm from the Uk and have no problems with getting girls and all that kinda stuff, but my main issue was just trying maintain my big black cock to stay up while putting the condom on. One thing that I know helps is that if the girl is able to put my dom on..then am puting my dick in there and am gonna wait until my dick gets hard..it's worked a phew times but not always. I don't masturbate either, i find it weird, i would rather a girl do it for me, but if that is the case then how can i hv sex with these girls mannnn.....holla at me.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008):

dude i conquered this problem. im 23 and been with this foreign girl with an amazing body. and for some reason, i was losing it when i put on the condom. but here's the key. when you're about to get your mojo on, you just gotta be a man. you gotta have it in your head that you are gonna NAIL this woman and it's gonna be the best damn sex you, and she has ever had. and you just gotta give it to her. i mean you don't got to be too rough but you do have to, and want to dominate...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008):

Great Post. This got all the men in, now we know you all got problems with this, we can sort it out together.

There are three people in this relationship. You, your girlfriend and your penis. We're gonna assume that your penis has a brain, and can sometimes think differently from you and your girlfriend.

Stop masterbating, but keep looking at porn (if your girlfriend dosen't mind). Your feeding him (penis) too much. He's not hungry, so he chooses when to stay hard and when to ruin your life. You know the old saying "keep them mean to keep them keen".

She sounds great by the way, she's willing to help. You need to talk to her about it. As I said there's three of you in the relationship, you need her help to learn to control Johnny. So go and get her and tell her whats going on.

We're gonna retrain the brains in your penis. First of all we give him a diet of no sex. No masterbation, no letting your girlfriend touch him, no sex, nothing at all. At the same time were gonna crank up the juice with you. I want you to stop all sex (not your girlfriend, not yourself, nothing) and start dating again. You and your girlfriend go out, flirt, hold hands, kiss and nothing else. But unfortunately it's you and Johnny (penis) on the diet, not her. You can kiss and caress and pleasure her all you want. She's not got the problem, he has. (penis)

Keep this up for as long as you can, say about a month or so. This should make him very hungry. He's got nowhere to go, he foaming at the mouth (joke) and his only relief is your girlfriend.

After a month, give her the condom, make it her job to put it on. She's in charge now. Think of it as giving her the keys to your chastity belt. Imagine his position, he's hungry, he wants sex, but he can't get it unless he puts that horrible hat over his head. Too bad, that's how things go. If when you try to have sex again, he starts hiding and playing his games then start the whole process again. It'll drive him crazy, but just like a dog he'll learn. No condom, no sex, no sex at all. Slowly, slowly this problem should disappear and every time he sees the condom he'll jump for joy and start spitting up his stuff without you having to ask.

I've had the same problem, (well not me, but the guy) but by the end of the month, using this technique the problem disappeared. Now I only have to open the condom packet for my guy to get excited. Johnny (mr penis) now knows the score. Put your girlfriend in charge of your sexuality. She puts the condom on, she kisses and caressess him, he belongs to her now not you, and she likes condoms. Get a tighter fit, so the blood rushes to his (penis) head. Make it clear that if he wants fun then he's gonna have to wait untill his girlfriend puts the condom, and there's nothing you or he can do about it.

Oh yea, after the month, don't allow him to have an orgasm unless he's wearing a condom and inside your girlfriend. He's her property not yours. He'll soon learn his lesson.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008):

i think its cox of the condom u r using.. i changed the typ of condom i use cox of sam prob..

i tried smaller ones.. it hurt first but later its ok.. most times

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008):

This is quite common. can anyone help us out.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008):

17 same problem!!! cheers for ideas

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008):

Friend.. do not be discouraged. i have recently started to experience this same problem with my new g/f. I know it has nothing to do with lack of arousal or not being attracted to her, because she can cause me to get hard with just a few touches in the right places. But then, as soon as the rubber goes on, the blood starts to leave. I had originally thought that this was due to a bad experience during my breakup with my ex, but after doing much reading up on the subject have found it's more common than I thought. almost a third of men have suffered from this one or more times.

Masturbation also does not have any bearing whatsoever. I have left myself alone for 2 weeks or more, and still found this to happen. Try not to think about the condom so much, and instead, focus on your g/f. Think about how much you love her, and how you want to share that special connection with her. You should be able to put a condom on without looking at it, so instead, gaze into her eyes and remind yourself of how uch she means to you. Think of the condom not as a barrier or obstacle, but as an aid to expressing your love. I really hope things work out for you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008):

get some viagra dude.. off the intrenet!!! condom dosent make ur P**** go down.. its anxiety..

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008):

Yes, it's a common problem. My younger bro has the same problem. I can hardly maintain an erection once a condom is on. Get it off and I'm rocksteady! The medical "experts" talk about anxiety over the condom and how getting your girlfriend to put it on should solve the problem. TOTAL BS. For me its a physical-sensation thing. The condom robs my dick of a physical sensation and it therefore goes flaccid. Take it off, my dick 'feels it' and I have good sex. Simple. Risky, I know, but the other solution is not to have sex at all. Those are the only two options right now, man.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008):

Hey man. I'm 19 and have hooked up with a good amount of girls. I had an erection up until I took of my boxers and tried to put on the condom. I just could never keep it up and even ejaculated a couple times before the condom was even on. which led to a lot of missed opportunites.

Right now I believe it is all psychological because I did not masturbate for one whole week (which is pretty much an eternity) and it still happened. I think the solution is to just masturbate with condoms each time, that way become more comfortable as some people have said. I'm going to try that and just hope it works. I wish condoms would just not be necessary but until birth control is 100% effective, they are pretty much apart of sex.

I wish you luck man because I know exactly what you are going through.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2008):

Do you masturbate? Try masturbating with a condom on, not just when having sex with your girlfriend, but also when you are by yourself. If you do this you will get used to having condoms on. It won't feel strange after awhile, instead it will feel normal.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008):

Yo, yeah im 17 i kinda get same problem especially with the condom on suddenly im down lol, I think its the fact im currently jobless and doing nothin during the day time so im masturbating sometimes 3 times a day!

I think if you didnt masturbate for a while and just waited i dont know,2 or 3 days, then tryed it then it may be normal

Thats what im gnna try anyway hope it helps 3

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008):

Try masturbating with condom on

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007):

same problem here man, i thought it was me but i hooked up with a girl at a party w/out a condom and it stayed up. from what i understand, if you put the condom on while on your knees and lean forward a bit it keeps the blood from leaving and leaves you in a position to quickly enter... havnt tried it yet so good luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007):

Hey I am 16 and i have that problem

i found out that part of it was that the condoms i used had numbing lubricant that made my erection go down. after using the second tyupe of condom, it worked, but took like 9809897898 years for me to get hard.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2007):

Same problem here. Just stop having sex. That's what I did.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007):

Well, according to all the leading sex experts, most of the people here are wrong. lol... Not to sound critical or anything, but I'll offer another bit of advice. It likely has nothing at all to do with masturbation. The male libido isn't like a cup that only has so much in it. If it's high, then it's high. Period. Instead, the reason could likely be anxiety, and likely over the condom. You've had situations arise where the condom caused you to go soft, so that just drilled in your head that it will happen again. A self-fulfilling prophecy so to speak. Try this instead: Get her to put it on for you, in as seductive a way as she can. Make it part of sex, not an interruption to it. Have her masturbate you with it on. Solved my problem, anyway.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2007):

im 24 and just recently i have had the same problem!! like in the last month I have not been able to maintain an erection as soon as i put the freakin condom, and then im thinking in my head why the hell I cant get hard the whole time. Like I see my girlf naked and I want to have sex but then I think why is my penis not getting hard again???? I have been able to maintain erections with condoms on in the past but just recently ive failed miserably. This is starting to become a real problem since sex is easily 70 % of any relationship and I cant even get hard again after i put the condom on. IN the last month the only way to make her cum is with my finger :(, and even then my dick is hard when im doing it. I cant even look at my girlf in the face after this happens its so embarassing. This is so depressing its unbelievable..

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007):

Hey buddy, it happens to me all the time. I love to masturbate and if i masturbate in between having sex, i can't keep it hard long but if i were to go in the bathroom and masturbate i would have no problem. I stopped masturbating all together and know that I will do it again some time, but right now i am paying all the attention to my other half. ill wait a few days and the orgasm and experience is so much more worth it.

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A reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (4 January 2006):

I Dont Lie agony auntIts the masturbation I tell you. I know friends of mine who have that problem because they masturbate like everyday. Try this, stop masturbating for 3 to 4 days and then initiate sex with your gf after that. You should be fine Im quite certain. After having done that, try to keep the rhythm of having sex instead of masturbating whenever you can. If it still happens and ure at ends wit, yea, i guess you should ask your gf to go on the pills or sumthing. But Im pretty certain my method will work! Good luck.

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A female reader, Faders_Girl United Kingdom +, writes (4 January 2006):

Faders_Girl agony auntAs Joe said ask your g/f to wear a femedom. my b/f is unable to wear a condom as he has the exact same problem as you have, and i have also tried to do what your g/f has done to make him hard again. it just never worked he was thinking too much about the condom on his penis he said to me, and said it is why he cant stay hard. im on the pill now, so we dont have to come across that problem anymore. when you said you aint enjoying sex is that with the condom on??? --- also try not to aviod your g/f, can you imagine what she must be thinking?!?! especially with the condom situation then trying to aviod her as much as you can. if you are in a stron relationship and are comfortable around her just try and talk to her about it, she will understand, she might even come up with some ideas ya never know! ;) good luck :)

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A male reader, Joe United Kingdom +, writes (3 January 2006):

well if the condoms make you lose your erection why don't your gf try using a femedom it works all the same

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