A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Everything seems to be going craply at the moment! There is just so much happening and going on, exams, teachers going crazy, my mother is very very ill, and my step dad keeps walking out...and then a couple of days later they're back together again. It's driving me a little crazy, it kills me when he walks out time and time again, and I see how much it hurts my mother and I think why does she go back to him? But it's her choice, and I have to accept that - doesn't stop me getting a little confused! Him walking out when my mother is so ill, is unbelievable, it makes her worse every time he does it. My mother is also becoming very vulnerable, and down, as she doesn't like being ill for long periods of time, this has been going on since Easter. When she and her partner aren't talking and I'm not there during the week I know just how down she gets, and I know that I can't do anything to stop that, which also hurts me because me and her are so close. It just feels like my head is about to explode with so many things to do/remember/think about. Everyone seems to want a piece of me, and it's like wherever I walk there are people asking for things. I'm also really stressed with everything - I seem to be lacking in a strong motivation, I do have some motivation but not the huge amount that I want. My self-esteem is also not as high as it should be, I'm questioning things that I do/how I do things alot. I'm also extremely on edge, I flipped earlier and completely lost it, which wasn't good, and I felt so guilty that I immediately went and apologised. I do have a bad temper and when I lose it I really lose it and I did today, which is the first time I have in a very long time. I think something inside me just snapped and I flipped. It's kind of hard to explain how I'm feeling at the moment, on occasions it feels like I'm flying high, but other times its all absolutely sh*t (excuse the language!). It feels like I'm going through a big range of emotions and I can only cope with so much. I've got my AS exams on at the moment, and I can't afford to screw them up 'cos I screwed up my GCSE's big time. It just feels like everything I do now counts towards so much - Uni's, degrees, jobs etc. etc. and I don't know if I can do it. I don't really have the confidence in myself I guess, and I don't believe that I can succeed - which is stupid because deep down I know that I can.
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female
reader, Gio  +, writes (21 May 2008):
HI, I have read your mail and I can understand why you 'flip' or loose it from time to time. It is hard enough to see a love one going through an illness, and then to see them suffer even more because the partner doesn't know how to support them. You can't change the way others are, but you can work on yourself. Firstly, don't punish yourself thinking that you should be doing more for your mum. That can't be help, unless you want to drop it all and be with her 24/7. Remember, if you are not happy, you cannot make others happy.
You are trying to sort everything out at once, and maybe that is what is confusing you. I don't think you are 'stupid', just confused with the burdain of it all. Take one step at a time. First, your exams; once you pass them, take the next step be this uni or other. As we say 'don't try to cross the bridge before you get to it'. With regards to your mum, she will be happy seeing that you succeed, and that you also support her whether you are close or not.
Hope this helps you a bit.
A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (21 May 2008):
 Ok.. breathe... you are going through a very stressful time and one gets easily disorganized. You need to go on "automatic" mode for a while. Try not to over think stuff and get things out of your plate that don't belong to you!
Your mother and her situation can not be solver right now and, you are right, it is her decision. So, take that aside. Self esteem, we can deal with that later, it requires some work on your part and you have other urgent stuff right now. Put it aside. What you've screwed up in terms of univ, thats in the past, nothing to do with it right now. Set aside. You lost it, asked for forgiveness, done with. When you have time, after finishing this semester, revisit it to see what went wrong and how you can learn to deal with your emotions.
Now, dealing with right now... you have to study and take tests and thats it! Nothing else, for now. Make a schedule to study, talk to your mom and tell her your plan so she helps you out to stick to it. Try to exercise or yoga so you can relieve stress. Read a positive article or phrase when you wake up. Take time to notice positive things of the day. You need to focus on you for a couple more days... then go back to saving the world!
Good luck!
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