A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had a boyfriend who went away, he's been 17 months. Our relationship ended badly and we have not had any communication for the past 5 months. While we were together we spent a lot of time with his family, and mostly his cousin. The three of us were constantly together all of the time. When my boyfriend went away, his cousin reached out to me to ask about his cousin and catch up. I was unresponsive initially because my boyfriend didn't want me around him. But once we had been broken up for some time I did reach out to him. The conversation quickly became flirtatious and it feel great to talk to him again, as we became pretty close spending so much time around each other. He is terribly cute and we are pretty attracted to one another. We finally saw each other for the first time in over a year. When were happy to see each other and I could tell he was nervous when we first got together. We had a great time talking and laughing about old times, with no awkwardness and it was really comfortable. He complimented my hard, and kissed me on the cheek hello upon seeing one another. We saw some of the family and then he made sure that we would have alone time together. Before we left his family I started to fall asleep. He was sitting up over me. I opened my eye and looked up at him, he had a sweet grin on his face as I looked, and I expected he'd turn his but he did and he grinned more when he saw me looking back at him. He gave me little rubs while i was asleep. When we went back to his house I was on the sofa laying down. He asked me to come to his bed and we cuddled. It was very comfortable and loving and he didn't try anything sexual. He held me tight with a smirk on his face. He had me put my hand on his chest to feel his heart be and we were in different cuddling positions all night. He never kissed me or anything. In the morning he was up before me and teased me about not even touching me as I expected he would and had expressed concern about hooking up in past conversation before we first got together. After we were out and about to begin our days he told me "I like you, you're just weird, I mean different." He's flirted with me and expressed interest in me in the past. I've also felt we've had our own special bond even while I was dating his cousin. He's showed me adoration his cousin didn't in our relationship. My boyfriend and I had a tough time because he wasn't doing right while we were together and he turned me into a different person when I was with him. Although I always felt his cousin (who I recently saw) was able to get to know me better and different cause I could always be my true self around him. Since I've seen him (I left yesterday) he's seemed very dry since, giving me short responses and not saying much. I'm excited to be reconnected but now I feel like he's pulling back and the chance of us turning into something more isn't there like I thought. I've also admitted in the past to still being in love with him cousin that I dated. I just don't understand where the situation changed literally overnight. I wonder whats on his mind that has him holding back because I know seeing each other felt so good. Can anyone figure where I went wrong?? Am I looking to deep into things, should I give it more time? Is he just trying to take care of me while his cousin is gone? Someone, I need advice!?? please..I'm just lost but I feel there is a lot of feeling there that have built up for a long time.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 March 2015):
 you are over thinking this.
sounds to me like he likes you but just wanted a cuddle with a friend... that happens you know.
if you are NOT over the first boyfriend then you are not ready for a new one whether it be his cousin or not.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI had a boyfriend who went away, he's been gone 17 months. Our relationship ended badly and we have not had any communication for the past 5 months. While we were together we spent a lot of time with his family, and mostly his cousin. The three of us were constantly together all of the time. When my boyfriend went away, his cousin reached out to me to ask about his cousin and to catch up. I was unresponsive initially because my boyfriend didn't want me around him. But once we had been broken up for some time I did reach out to him. The conversation quickly became flirtatious and it feel great to talk to him again, as we became pretty close spending so much time around each other. He is terribly cute and we are definitely attracted to one another.We finally saw each other for the first time in over a year. When were happy to see each other but I could tell he was nervous when we first got together. He complimented my hair, and kissed me on the cheek hello upon seeing one another.We had a great time talking and laughing about old times, with no awkwardness and it was really comfortable. We saw some of the family and then he made sure that we would have alone time together. Before we left his families house, I started to fall asleep. He was sitting up over me. I opened my eyes and looked up at him, he had a sweet grin on his face as I looked, and I expected him to turn his head away but he didn't and he grinned even more when he saw me looking back at him. He gave me little rubs while I was sleep. When we went back to his house I was on the sofa laying down. He asked me to come to his bed and we cuddled. It was very comfortable and loving and he didn't try anything sexual. He held me tight with a smirk on his face. He had me put my hand on his chest to feel his heart beat as we fell asleep and we were in different cuddling positions all night. He never kissed me or anything.In the morning he was up before me. He teased me about not even touching me as I expected he would and had expressed concern about hooking up in past conversation before we first hung out. After we were out and about to begin our days he told me "I like you, you're just weird, I mean different." He's flirted with me and expressed interest in me in the past. I've also felt we've had our own special bond even while I was dating his cousin. He's showed me adoration his cousin didn't in our relationship. My boyfriend and I had a tough time because he wasn't doing right while we were together and he turned me into a different person when I was with him. Although I always felt his cousin (who I recently saw) was able to get to know me better and differently because I could always be my true self around him. Since I've seen him (I left yesterday) he's seemed very dry since, giving me short responses and not saying much, unlike before. I'm excited to be reconnected with him but now I feel like he's pulling back and the chance of us turning into something more isn't there like I thought. I've also admitted in the past to still being in love with him cousin that I dated. I know he isn't worried about what his cousin thinks, as he knows I wasn't treated like I should have been in my relationship. He is single and does not have the desire to have a relationship right now, but he says he see I have potential. I just don't understand where the situation changed literally overnight. I wonder whats going on his mind that has him holding back because I know seeing each other felt so good. Can anyone figure where I went wrong?? Am I looking to deep into things, should I give it more time? Is he just trying to take care of me while his cousin is gone? Because he inferred that his cousin will come back to me. Did he feel too much while we were enjoying each other's company and it scared him? Someone, I need advice!?? please..I'm just lost but I feel there is a lot of feeling there that have built up for a long time.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 March 2015):
I really wanted to read this and help but it's a solid wall of text and I can't follow it... in case you want more help than this garners I offer this as a suggestion for future posts:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-get-many-answers-to-your-question.html
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (13 March 2015):
At the end of the day there are some issues here not being dealt with. Firstly, while the flirting is there, no words are actually being spoken. Neither of you are actually saying how either of you feel, want or don't want and it's left a great deal of mystery. I get that mystery is a big turn on especially for women but it can't be all mystery. There needs to be some present dialogue. If you don't speak, there will simply be no progress.
The other issue is that these guys are cousins, and that could make things weird. I am sure you deserve to be happy but it is unsure if either has come to terms with any of this.
Any way, don't leave things to mystery. Try to get some answers and face whatever fears you are both experiencing.
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