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Unhappily married man in love with a married woman

Tagged as: Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 May 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 29 May 2009)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I have been with my wife for 14 years (married for 12 years). Our marriage started out like every other marriage......we had fun, sex, etc. As the years passed my feelings towards her have changed. We don't have sex anymore (for reasons we won't discuss here) and I feel that there is no love there anymore. We now have a 9 month old which makes things more difficult (not from sex). I am unhappy but secure (I guess) and I never thought about changing anything.

I recently met a co-worker who is also married (unhappily). They have a 7 year old son (hers not his) but he calls him daddy. I have fallen in love with her, and she says that she has fallen for me as well. We have hit it off perfectly....we have everything in common (not like her and her husband) and it seems to the both of us that we were meant to be together.

Problem is, I am willing to change my situation to be happier, (although I don't want to hurt my wife and don't know how it would affect the baby) but she doesn't want to hurt her son again (I would be the third man in his life and she also doesn't want to hurt her husband). She is constantly saying she misses me and wants to be with me.

I do not know what to do....my heart breaks everytime I think about her (which is all the time) and knowing that we probably will never be together. I have never felt this way about anyone before. I am sad and depressed all the time now since I have met her. We have never had an affair with each other by the way, so doing this just for sex isn't the issue here.

Can someone please give me some advice?

View related questions: affair, co-worker, depressed, married man, married woman

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009):

Just take your time.. Assess your situation. Balance everything, your wife, baby. Her husband and son. Can you afford to hurt your wife? Did you ask her, how much she is willing to give up for the sake of your love. ZIMg

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009):

yes, if no sex is involved how did you two make a baby?

this other woman does not want to hurt her boy and it is understandable. having 3 men in his short life is a no no - there is no stability here. so if she doesn't want tohurt her son AGAIN, I am assuming she also had another affair and took her son from his biological father. speak volumns of her (if i am correct).

if this man has acccepted someones child as his own then he is not the big bad wolf that she has painted him to be. she says that she is unhappy, i think she is just bored. but she is willing to let her hb spend his life, his time, his resources on her son which is not even his. very responsible mother! and now she is playing around with you. do you see a pattern/trend happening here. look at this woman with open eyes. not the rose tinted ones you are currently wearing regarding her.

well if you want leave your wife but your other woman has a histrory - sghe moves onto other men every 2/3 years. within the next 2/3 years your turn will be up as she moves to another man (hopefully not married like you and the other one). she seems to get easily bored and believe me she will be bored with you so much sooner.

you seem not too strong. you talk of being depressed now, imagine just how much more depressed when this woman finishes with yu. until now you have had a lucky break but please go ahead. make your bed. soon it will be yet another empty bed and you will be alone.

your words regarding your baby worries me. don't you love it and why?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009):

DonOx, perhaps you are looking for some sympathy here too?

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A male reader, DonOx Uganda +, writes (14 May 2009):

Have a look at my question and the responses I got...

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A male reader, DonOx Uganda +, writes (14 May 2009):

Man my situation is exactly the same as yours..except Im older

I cant help you decide mate but what I believe is ...its your happiness that is paramount ...do whatever you have to to achieve it or you may live regretting you didnt do it the rest of your life....life is not a dress rehearsal.

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